Search found 159 matches

by Preacher
August 20th, 2010, 2:29 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query attempt for DIE AGAIN.
Replies: 19
Views: 2472

Re: Query attempt for DIE AGAIN.

I see what you are saying, JQ. I think the family pull should be strong enough. But, what happens, is that Ethan and Jake have a confrontation and Ethan almost dies. During that burtal fight, Ethan sees glimpses of the real, tame Jake, and cuts through the anger. Jake reveals that he has a son, who ...
by Preacher
August 20th, 2010, 2:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query- Riding on the Tail of the Devil
Replies: 29
Views: 4243

Re: Query- Riding on the Tail of the Devil

Hey there, let me take a crack here and see what i can suggest, hopefully it is helpful. I would just start off by saying i get confused early. Does Mathias believe he will die before he is eighteen? That's how i read it. You tell us Mathias is "plunged" into the vampire world. I assume you mean bit...
by Preacher
August 20th, 2010, 2:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: FAIRY BLOOD - Fresh out of the oven!
Replies: 7
Views: 1432

Re: FAIRY BLOOD - Fresh out of the oven!

I love me some good vampire stories, so Yayyyyyy! Ok, here we go. I think in the first paragraph we can do without knowing Ricardo was once a Sailor. We need to know he is a vampire, and that he has to completely drain a fairy, or down goes Ricardo. I also think in the second paragraph there is too ...
by Preacher
August 20th, 2010, 1:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query attempt for DIE AGAIN.
Replies: 19
Views: 2472

Re: Query attempt for DIE AGAIN.

Thank you guys, for all your help. This process is really kicking my butt inside out. I think i am going to try and scale back, start from the beginning. I need to take my story and boil it down to those elements that are essential, the mai thing that DIE AGAIN is about. So, with that in mind, i am ...
by Preacher
August 19th, 2010, 2:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2: Will send to Agents
Replies: 15
Views: 2128

Re: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2

The first paragraph has me asking some questions: is Jade human? The first sentence also presumes that some humans can control elements, while other can't. The "All in front of her" sentence or clause doesn't work. That word "all" is a bad word there, i think. If Jade's parent was in fact killed by ...
by Preacher
August 19th, 2010, 1:44 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Hidden in Shadows - Take 2
Replies: 4
Views: 987

Re: Query - Hidden in Shadows - Take 2

Assassin, check! Looking for the murder of a family member, check! Those things work for me; however, i think in the first paragraph there is info we don't need. I don't think it is important to know what her power is. It is important to know the main character and what she<in this case, is trying t...
by Preacher
August 19th, 2010, 10:52 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query attempt for DIE AGAIN.
Replies: 19
Views: 2472

Query attempt for DIE AGAIN.

I've tried, and tried, and tried. I am going to post this to see what comes back. Dear Agent: Detective Ethan Moon is hunting a killer he knows, and loves, and misses. Someone he also thought was dead -his brother; the subject of an experimental therapy that uses his hate for his family to mold him ...
by Preacher
August 19th, 2010, 10:42 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Heaven - Rev. 1
Replies: 19
Views: 3235

Re: Query: Heaven

Hey, there. I am not great at this. In fact, i am not even sure if i am any darn good; i am struggling at this query thing like many of others but i will give a try at citing some of the things i learned so far. The first thing i learned is that the info that you gave in the very first paragraph isn...
by Preacher
July 2nd, 2010, 2:52 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Help - DIE AGAIN!!!!!
Replies: 5
Views: 946

Query Help - DIE AGAIN!!!!!

Hello all, i am new here and am going to spend some time later on today and over the weekend and try and give some helpful feedback on other queries here. I am having a hard time with the process so i will do my best to say things that are useful. I just finished my novel DIE AGAIN and had a rough q...