Search found 104 matches

by clara_w
June 21st, 2010, 10:24 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7642

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

When the Department of Defense told geneticist Janelle Gray to fix its controversial cross-mutation experiment, she never expected her technology to work, but it did—on her. A panther-human hybrid, she’s the Humani Project’s crowning achievement—the first success that retained the ability to speak h...
by clara_w
June 21st, 2010, 10:20 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure
Replies: 12
Views: 1728

Re: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure

He got there by accident, (I´d cut this first line) and his only hope of return is iffy at best. His traveling companions are a grouchy prairie dog with claustrophobia, an inept stage magician desperate to get his hands on real magic, and the daughter of Macrru’s high wizard. On the rest: Fantastic....
by clara_w
June 21st, 2010, 8:19 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade´s Hurricane Query
Replies: 19
Views: 3201

Re: Jade´s Hurricane Query

Thanks for the great advice moose, already changed my word doc!

Thanks for helping me with this query!
by clara_w
June 21st, 2010, 1:55 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade´s Hurricane Query
Replies: 19
Views: 3201

Re: Jade´s Hurricane Query

Thanks for the advice aswiebe, will definetly cut the ezine part!

I´ve written a new version of the query. Though it doesn´t meet 100% of the points you raised, I believe it covers most of them!

Cheers and thanks for stopping by to help me with this!
by clara_w
June 21st, 2010, 1:46 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Incredible Race Query Letter
Replies: 57
Views: 7077

Re: The Incredible Race Query Letter

Sir Hugo Cornelius Crumpet, the multi-millionaire owner of the world's largest toothpick manufacturing company, Crumpet Toothpicks Cut the name of company , has passed away. Sir Hugo’s offspring have assembled at Crumpet Towers, believing his estate will be divided equally amongst them. But much to ...
by clara_w
June 21st, 2010, 1:43 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Vicesteed Query - Revised!
Replies: 15
Views: 2357

Re: Vicesteed Query - Revised!

Valinda's only memories are of life as a vicesteed, living in a re-creation of crime-ridden Old Earth while her experiences are broadcast to an audience unknown to her. Holly crap! Although interesting I find it a tad confusing. Maybe you could say "She lives in a re-creation of Old Earth..." One of...
by clara_w
June 20th, 2010, 2:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade´s Hurricane Query
Replies: 19
Views: 3201

Re: Jade´s Hurricane Query

Actually yes (Avatar was released on the third year after I had finished the first drafts. Yes, I´ve been working on this book for a long time lol), but the book is written on contemporary days. Also, there are all normal nations as we know them (Germany, USA, Brasil...), plus the elemental nations ...
by clara_w
June 20th, 2010, 2:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure
Replies: 12
Views: 1728

Re: TO SAVE A KINGDOM mg adventure

Marvin is a klutzy twelve-year-old who’s constantly harassed by the school bully and his gang. He is on the run from them one day I´d start a tad differently:One day he´s one the run from them when he dives into a hole and pops out in a strange and magical land. The hole closes behind him, leaving n...
by clara_w
June 20th, 2010, 8:49 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade´s Hurricane Query
Replies: 19
Views: 3201

Re: Jade´s Hurricane Query

Those are great advices sirfrodo!
Will chew the cud on the suggestions, thanks!
by clara_w
June 20th, 2010, 6:33 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade´s Hurricane Query
Replies: 19
Views: 3201

Jade´s Hurricane Query

Hi everyone! When you finish commenting, could you let me know the title of your query so I can critique it too? It´s all about sharing the luff folks! Now, this is the fourth improved version, so you dont need to look at the others, I´m leaving them below so I can track my queryvolution! Cheers! **...
by clara_w
June 20th, 2010, 6:31 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Hidden in Shadows - Urban Fantasy
Replies: 20
Views: 3562

Re: Hidden in Shadows - Urban Fantasy

Lorna McCloud likes to think she's an assassin for the money and because she's good at it. But the real reason, because she was traumatized after witnessing her father's murder, is one she longs to keep buried. I´d rephrase this. Maybe: But the real reason is because she was....." A fresh lead in th...
by clara_w
June 20th, 2010, 6:24 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1949

Re: Bond of Darkness Query

Ok, I´m usually a very critical person, but your query hooked me. A lot. It smells like fantasy, it speaks like fantasy, and, it feels like an interesting fantasy.
So, I´m sorry I can´t be more insightful. But on the other hand, way to go!
by clara_w
June 20th, 2010, 6:18 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Darkness Becomes Her
Replies: 23
Views: 3553

Re: Query for Darkness Becomes Her

Please consider representing my novel Darkness Becomes Her. No,no,no. I´d start with the paragraph below. Darkness Becomes Her is a paranormal thriller of 105,000 words. I´ve seen countless tips that say this info should go on the end of the query. It tells the story of Dane Westwood, a spiritual wa...
by clara_w
June 20th, 2010, 6:08 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 122069

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

In a world where some people can control the four elements, Jade Kadeem witness normal humans brutally murder her father. As a result, she creates a monstrous hurricane; something not every tamer can do. Especially a child. Seven years later, an Oracle predicts her Godlike powers will destroy her ho...