Search found 104 matches

by clara_w
August 22nd, 2010, 5:24 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Third Query try for Devin Briar
Replies: 7
Views: 1218

Re: Third Query try for Devin Briar

This new version is good, but the beginning is a tad complicate. The second paragraphs just doesnt match the first, I got the feeling we were talking about different characters. Could you say its devin you refer to on the first paragraph? Actually, I`d put the first paragraph after the third, becaus...
by clara_w
August 22nd, 2010, 5:16 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2: Will send to Agents
Replies: 15
Views: 2128

Re: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2: Will send to Agents

Thanks everyone! Erica, I get what you say, but I can`t find a word to substitute "In shock." She is in shock, not quite literally catatonic. Any sugestions? J.T. You`ve touched some very important points there, I altered them into the fifth version. Wilderness: I know, but I have absolutely no idea...
by clara_w
August 21st, 2010, 5:20 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2: Will send to Agents
Replies: 15
Views: 2128

Re: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2

That was a very good tip wilderness! I checked it and now I have the fourth version. I hope it's specific....oh lord, I'll be sending this baby to agents soon, it has to be perfect!!! I'm loosing my mind!

Thanks for helping!
by clara_w
August 20th, 2010, 4:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2: Will send to Agents
Replies: 15
Views: 2128

Re: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2

Thanks so much Joel!

I think I covered points 1 and 4 for sure on the third version I just did, 3 not so sure and 2 I really don't agree with.
by clara_w
August 20th, 2010, 3:58 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Second try at a Query Letter for Devin Briar
Replies: 8
Views: 1319

Re: Second try at a Query Letter for Devin Briar

Devin Briar can’t seem to imagine a peaceful life. His best friend and roommate, Robin Denton, a world renowned Physicist, can’t imagine life without Devin and her Bugs Bunny slippers. Good, romantic possibilities! lol but seriously, this was very cool. Why cant he imagine a peaceful life? No move i...
by clara_w
August 20th, 2010, 3:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Updated Query: The Between people Take 2... or maybe 3
Replies: 14
Views: 1988

Re: Query: The Between people Take 2... or maybe 3

If I were an agent, I'd ask for a full right after the second paragraph, because I always wondered what would those shadows be and you give a very creative explanation. Then I looked at the rest of your query and it was brilliant! Really well done!
by clara_w
August 20th, 2010, 3:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Final (I Hope) Query Letter - The Oracle's Revenge
Replies: 9
Views: 1720

Re: Final (I Hope) Query Letter - The Oracle's Revenge

Disillusioned Air Force Major Jarv Guerra’s career is at an end. Passed over for promotion, he is put out to pasture in a dead-end NATO staff job where he hopes to coast through the rest of his career and retire in Italy with the girl he loves. But when he starts to have premonitions of impending di...
by clara_w
August 20th, 2010, 12:18 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2: Will send to Agents
Replies: 15
Views: 2128

Re: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2

Wow Hyaline it was so good to hear that! I had actually a pretty goo start for the query, but then I saw all these queries with one pitch sentences and I was like "Fuuuc***". I tried to apply this to my query buut it didn't work, as you could see. Thank you so much for the advice, I've posted a new ...
by clara_w
August 20th, 2010, 12:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Meant To Be---another new version
Replies: 61
Views: 8146

Re: Yet another version of Query---Meant To Be---Comm. Fic

I'm so hooked! Way to go!
by clara_w
August 20th, 2010, 12:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Mortimers Dream, YA fantasy *BETTER UPDATE PG 3*
Replies: 30
Views: 5014

Re: Mortimers Dream, YA fantasy *BETTER UPDATE PG 3*

Desmoree Shale thought life as a fashion photographer was full of surprises, but waking up in the morgue and being flown why is she being flown after her death? Was she overseas? to a hidden world by a man who could bench press a forklift was never a remote possibility. Desmoree never thought she wa...
by clara_w
August 20th, 2010, 10:28 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2: Will send to Agents
Replies: 15
Views: 2128

Re: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2

Thanks guys, will work on that!
by clara_w
August 19th, 2010, 2:44 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Heaven - Rev. 1
Replies: 19
Views: 3235

Re: Query: Heaven

I like this query, I think you're in the right track here.

All the best!
by clara_w
August 19th, 2010, 2:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade's Hurricane, Take 2: Will send to Agents
Replies: 15
Views: 2128

Jade's Hurricane, Take 2: Will send to Agents

Hi guys! FIFTH version, thanks so much for your help! I`m sending this baby out by mid September, so I really need your help. Could you please let me know what you think? I'm having continuous jitters here! Fifth, possibly final version Dear Agent X, When Jade witnesses non-tamers brutally murder he...
by clara_w
July 1st, 2010, 7:59 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade´s Hurricane Query
Replies: 19
Views: 3203

Re: Jade´s Hurricane Query

Thanks for the great advice One choice 1!
by clara_w
June 30th, 2010, 12:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade´s Hurricane Query
Replies: 19
Views: 3203

Re: Jade´s Hurricane Query

Ok, fourth version on...sugestions?