Nathan Bransford - The Forums

I think this story is lovely. But like wilderness said, Janet has a post saying to put the whole story on the query.
I really wish I could help you more, but Im not familiar with this market...
Still, I just LOVED your premise.

Thank you so much notw =)

This is the first draft of my 853 word synopsis. I use the snowflake method so it'll eventually be my outline. I'm looking forward to all critiques, thank you! Michael Donatello is an ex-mafia contract killer for the Marcuccio crime family who chooses to leave the life after a failed hit cause’s di...

Thanks in advance for the advice :) Anna’s sixteenth birthday should have been a time celebrating her transition into adulthood, but instead it marks the brutal murder of her family members. With nowhere else to go, Anna heads into the small village of Litchfield to find family friends, Dermot and ...

Hi everyone, Just on a very important note: English isn't my native language, so, there are some obvious mistakes here but I will correct them on further versions (this is a rough draft grammar wise, but almost final plot wise). As always, your help is extremely valuable! Thank you so much! ********...

I really liked this story! I think the ending distoned a bit from the rest, I'd leave it out. Also, explaining why Mathias is so dangerous would be good. Is it just because hes a reincarnation of Mathias? If so, I'd put that in a sentence, like. " merely because he is a reinc...." One very...

Thank you for the help, everyone! - - - The year is 1882, and London is in a state of terror due to a string of brutal murders. Not the best way to enter the Yuletide season. Id start with In 1882, London is..., or something like that When he was a child, a madman kidnapped fourteen-year-old Marqui...

Thank you all so much!
I posted the 7th version, taking 99% of your advices.

Thank you so much (again)!

All right, so I have a good reason for this: I went crazy on my query and re-did it all. Mostly because I spent a whole morning reading Nathan's every single post about queries, and a 85 pages book about it. Hopefully, it's working a bit better then before. As always, your help means the WORLD to me...

I like this new version! Janie Lloyd was having a bad day; the hot, humid heat had given her a migraine and she was so bored with life that even tormenting the office junior had lost its fun. On top of this, her mother called to tell her a body had been dug up near Janie’s childhood home; the body o...

On take 3: For Kenzie Johnson, keeping her mom around just got a lot harder. Kenzie is on a first name basis with her mom. Her mom is never around and she doesn't even try to be--staying alive is more of her priority than being a wife or a mom. It doesn't help that Kenzie is involved with a boy that...

Ops! Ok, here's my inputs on the latest version! Dear Agent, Desmoree shale is a feisty fashion photographer living in Belfox, Australia. The death of her mother breaks the spell of protection, revealing her to the seers, and awakening her dormant fairy abilities. A great, great beginning. Desmoree ...

Dear Agent XXXXX Jonathan Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Arrested and convicted for murder, Blair trades his death sentence for a job as a bounty hunter to bring in—dead or alive—the members of his former gang. Now he has two weeks left to find the last man or face execution instead ...

That was precious! I particularly liked :Until I was 16 I would run and jump the last four feet to my bed so the man hiding under it couldn't grab me feet. Bones is also one of my favourite shows. Okay, so I eat honey with cramambert cheese. It's really good. And I laugh at the most unfunny joke in ...

Oh HAIL YEAH! This query you´ve just posted on comments (I think its right above my comment) KICKS LE ASS my friend. Seriously! Its way clearer and it pulled me right in, I really liked it!