Search found 104 matches

by clara_w
March 26th, 2011, 12:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Horror of Hayesfield- YA HORROR
Replies: 7
Views: 1190

Re: The Horror of Hayesfield- YA HORROR

When Adam travels to Hayesfield to live with his grandparents, he feels as if his luck couldn't get much worse. Now, in addition to struggling with the suicide of his best (and only) friend, he has been exiled to the drafty Harlow Manor in the middle of Nowhere, Ohio, where the kids are mean to the...
by clara_w
March 26th, 2011, 12:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Beautiful People
Replies: 20
Views: 3029

Re: Query - The Beautiful People

[quote="bronwyn1"] Seventeen-year-old Magdalena’s best friends have long-time wealth and prestige, but she has something better: their secrets. Old money and a fancy surname can’t mask all their problems. I would cut this last sentence, you started really well, but the sentence destroys all your goo...
by clara_w
January 22nd, 2011, 11:03 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: NIGHTFRAME: IN THE RED OF THE KNIGHT Query II
Replies: 17
Views: 3275

Re: NIGHTFRAME: IN THE RED OF THE KNIGHT Query II

I really liked this version Mary! I agree that you should let us know what Tabitha wants (recognition in the werewolf community etc) but asides that, this is quite interesting, since I love dark, evil romantic interests as well! lol Im hoping everything works out with your publishing friend! Crossin...
by clara_w
January 22nd, 2011, 10:54 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Jade's Hurricane back from rejection
Replies: 12
Views: 2227

Re: Query: Jade's Hurricane back from rejection

Very good points glj!!! Thanks a LOT for that! I tried to fix them and posted the new version under revised 2. I couldnt add more of the details you were asking for, because then it would just deviate the query from its objective (which isnt the tragedy that happened to Jade when she was a child). T...
by clara_w
January 22nd, 2011, 10:52 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: WIL DRAKE AND THE WITCHES OF THE WATER
Replies: 8
Views: 1428

Re: Query: WIL DRAKE AND THE WITCHES OF THE WATER

Yes, don't requery the same agent. Query other agents of the same agency, but not the same. All right, on to your query! Wil Drake, a discharged U.S. Air Service pilot, has survived the last eight years of the 1920s as a booze smuggler in the American South. It’s a lonely existence, but he likes it ...
by clara_w
January 22nd, 2011, 10:42 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query up for critique
Replies: 4
Views: 948

Re: Query up for critique

A boy Id say the name of the boy here. Or just a "strange boy" then. pulls Sydney off a cliff and she knows they are both dead. But she can’t resist the urge to attack her murderer. And by then, they are already dead. They are still falling from the cliff? How high was this thing?Id change this seco...
by clara_w
January 22nd, 2011, 10:37 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Guardian's Code
Replies: 14
Views: 2382

Re: Query: The Guardian's Code

Fifteen-year old Griffin Tutela doesn’t believe the stories his grandma tells him about the forest behind her (I'd write their house, I was confused with 'his' and 'her' here) house. He rolls his eyes when she says his family can communicate with ancient trees and spirits, and that they are Guardian...
by clara_w
January 20th, 2011, 3:14 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Jade's Hurricane back from rejection
Replies: 12
Views: 2227

Re: Query: Jade's Hurricane back from rejection

That was a fantastic feedback, thank you so much Mary!
Yes, we're down the painful road of querying, but at least we're not alone = )

One day, definitely. One day...
by clara_w
January 19th, 2011, 10:13 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Jade's Hurricane back from rejection
Replies: 12
Views: 2227

Re: Query: Jade's Hurricane back from rejection

Hey everyone, thanks for all the help! Very insightful tips!
Could you let me know if the revised Query is better?

Thank you!
by clara_w
January 19th, 2011, 9:46 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Sacred Fire, historical fiction
Replies: 8
Views: 1371

Re: Query: Sacred Fire, historical fiction

Tuccia awaits trial knowing she will be executed for a crime she did not commit: losing her virginity. For other Roman women, this would not be an offense, but for a priestess of Vesta, such a sin could displease the gods and condemn Rome to ruin. Tuccia’s accuser is an angry priest who failed to se...
by clara_w
January 19th, 2011, 9:44 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: REVISED Query: COZY'S CURSE (mystery)
Replies: 14
Views: 2558

Re: REVISED Query: COZY'S CURSE (mystery)

I love it. It has everything: voice, a good plot, interesting characters. Bravo!
by clara_w
January 19th, 2011, 9:42 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised
Replies: 15
Views: 2536

Re: NEVER REMEMBER: YA Fantasy Revised

One thing: How can she be dead and go through all this? Is she a ghost? I would clarify that a bit more.
Everything else seems pretty cool =) Good luck!
by clara_w
January 19th, 2011, 9:38 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: NIGHTFRAME: IN THE RED OF THE KNIGHT Query
Replies: 9
Views: 1657

Re: NIGHTFRAME: IN THE RED OF THE KNIGHT Query

Brody thinks Tabitha is a hero-- but, of course, love is blind. He can't see what she does in the mirror. A monster. I would change that. What can someone do in the mirror besides looking at itself? Maybe: But he can't see who she trully is: A monster. Tabitha knows that one day she won't be able to...
by clara_w
January 16th, 2011, 6:44 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Jade's Hurricane back from rejection
Replies: 12
Views: 2227

Query: Jade's Hurricane back from rejection

Hi Everyone, Is this better? Thanks for all your help! Revised Query 2 Jade’s father used to help her control her wind-taming powers, but when he’s murdered in front of her by humans who can’t master the elements, Jade loses her grip and creates a monstrous hurricane. Six years later, she still stru...
by clara_w
November 3rd, 2010, 5:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Soul Baby the Trickster and the Golden Buddha
Replies: 21
Views: 3845

Re: Query: The Soul Baby the Trickster and the Golden Buddha

Michael, just comented on your synopsis. I gotta say, the query is brilliant, really liked it. All right, now I'm not sure if you use Kardecism in your book, but if you ever feel like dipping into Brazilian spiritualism, it would be good to check it out just to be sure. Kardecism is really big betwe...