Search found 44 matches

by khanes
June 25th, 2010, 1:30 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: When the first draft is done - what next?
Replies: 12
Views: 2429

Re: When the first draft is done - what next?

Thanks for the advice, everyone! I'm taking some time to clear my head, wrote a flash fiction piece, read a bit, and am now thinking nonstop about my next book. I wrote 9 pages, but I feel like the characters need to marinate in my head a little more before I start writing it. I'm getting the feedba...
by khanes
June 23rd, 2010, 4:40 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: How many POV's?
Replies: 19
Views: 3004

Re: How many POV's?

Polymath, I loved your descriptions of beer and breweries! Man, you know a LOT. I frequent brewpubs here in Portland; I believe Portland may have more brewpubs per capita than any other US city....or at least its up there. I may have to use you for a source while writing my book :) Too bad you can't...
by khanes
June 23rd, 2010, 1:21 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: How many POV's?
Replies: 19
Views: 3004

Re: How many POV's?

Wow, thanks for the suggestions everyone. It sounds like I may need to marinate with my characters a little bit more to make them stand out. Maybe I should write down quirks, their histories, likes/dislikes, so I can get to know them better. I've read women's fiction books with multipe POV's where t...
by khanes
June 22nd, 2010, 6:37 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: How many POV's?
Replies: 19
Views: 3004

How many POV's?

So, I'm having trouble directing my cast of characters. I wrote my first manuscript in the first person, and found that it flowed pretty well out of my fingertips. The reader sees the action from one person's point of view, plus knows her thoughts and deepest insecurities. Now, I'm attempting a seco...
by khanes
June 22nd, 2010, 1:46 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Flash Fiction: THE STRAIN
Replies: 5
Views: 1162

Re: Flash Fiction: THE STRAIN

First of all, I had no idea this was about zombies until mfreivald mentioned it. At first, I thought maybe the main character was a wounded human, and the Vectors were aliens. Actually, the first thing that came to mind was that movie with Will Smith where he was the only person left, and all the ot...
by khanes
June 22nd, 2010, 1:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Gravity of San Miguel - Query - Sept. 23rd
Replies: 21
Views: 3924

Re: The Gravity of San Miguel - Query **Updated!**

mfreivald, Thank you SO much for reading this and giving me feedback. I think you hit the nail on the head by saying "dig deeper into the meaning of your work." I was discussing my book with one of my beta readers last night, and she gave me some very interesting feedback/discussion about how my boo...
by khanes
June 19th, 2010, 9:28 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 133105

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

News reporter Isabelle Martin doesn’t believe in intimacy. She covers gruesome crime scenes without feeling a thing, and doesn’t let her boyfriend get too close. But her solid walls come crashing down when Isabelle sees a child shot to death at a standoff outside Seattle. She must escape, and a job ...
by khanes
June 19th, 2010, 12:18 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Hidden in Shadows - Urban Fantasy
Replies: 20
Views: 3772

Re: Hidden in Shadows - Urban Fantasy

I actually really liked the punchy style of the second query, but didn't like it in the first person. Maybe you could change it to third? I liked how this query seemed to spell out your story in simpler, more enticing terms. I love how you explained what shadow manipulation meant - it made it so muc...
by khanes
June 18th, 2010, 11:58 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Gravity of San Miguel - Query - Sept. 23rd
Replies: 21
Views: 3924

Re: The Gravity of San Miguel - Query **Updated!**

Thanks, Wilderness! I have a feeling I'm going to be writing a lot of versions of this query. Now that I know which details to add, maybe now I can work on voice and adding style to the query. Right now its sort of boring. I think my book is both thoughtful and romantic, with a strong emphasis on pl...
by khanes
June 18th, 2010, 11:55 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Butterfly Key - Prologue first 4 paragraphs
Replies: 9
Views: 1698

Re: The Butterfly Key - Prologue first 4 paragraphs

Hi Tycoon, First of all, let me say that the first paragraph was beautifully written. I would end the first sentence with "evening", though. This sounds like a picture perfect holiday evening, full of warmth and happiness. I started to get bogged down with the second paragraph of descriptions and fo...
by khanes
June 18th, 2010, 11:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness Query
Replies: 11
Views: 2030

Re: Bond of Darkness Query

I'm no query expert either - I'm still practicing my own - but I'll share what caught my eye and what didn't. I think the conflict of your book sounds interesting with lots of potential for drama! If I were you, I may try to think of another word for "infection" because it seems to be repeated a lot...
by khanes
June 17th, 2010, 7:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - crime/police fiction
Replies: 32
Views: 5573

Re: QUERY - crime/police fiction

Hi bigheadx, I'm not query expert so I'm not going to do any edits, just give you my reaction when I read the query. First of all, I love your voice. It has punch and drama, and makes me want to read the book. It gives me a sense that your writing will be fast, exciting and easy to follow. Of course...
by khanes
June 17th, 2010, 4:13 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: What you want to write VS what you write
Replies: 20
Views: 3353

Re: What you want to write VS what you write

When I write, I loosely plan a plot and some conflicts for my characters, then I free write. Sometimes, what I write surprises me. Long scenes will spray out of my fingertips and I'll look back and think, "Where the hell did that come from?" But I like the scenes, and I trust my gut instinct, so I j...
by khanes
June 17th, 2010, 12:25 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Last Highway (working title)-Page 1
Replies: 17
Views: 3690

Re: The Last Highway (working title)-Page 1

Hi Gina! First of all, I think this is an interesting story that really creeped me out (in a good way.) I found this man disturbing, but he also seems really handsome, so a good, creepy combo. I like your writing style, but think you do need to flesh out the story a little more. Maybe more active, i...
by khanes
June 17th, 2010, 11:28 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Gravity of San Miguel - Query - Sept. 23rd
Replies: 21
Views: 3924

Re: The Gravity of San Miguel - Query

Thanks again everyone for the wonderful feedback. It means so much to me that you take the time to look at my work and offer suggestions. This is a huge gift, and I'll take all this to heart when I'm re-writing my query! It also makes me think about what may be missing from my MS!