Search found 82 matches

by WilliamMJones
July 15th, 2010, 3:05 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: I'm A Nobody, YA Fantasy, First Page
Replies: 7
Views: 1617

I'm A Nobody, YA Fantasy, First Page

Newest version near bottom I will (hopefully) be ready to start querying agents after my next rewrite. Since some agents want the first five pages, I figured they should be as polished and perfect as possible. Thanks in advance for comments. Here they are: I’m a Nobody Part I Chapter 1: Through the...
by WilliamMJones
July 15th, 2010, 1:48 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: BLOOD WILL TELL, Urban Fantasy, Revised
Replies: 10
Views: 1722

Re: BLOOD WILL TELL, Urban Fantasy

I've just been through a revision, mostly of the first chapters of this. Here's the first page and a half, or so: Chapter 1: A Death in the Family Valeriah hurdled I agree this word could be changed. Maybe leapt over, or bounded over? the locked gate and raced on down the path. The cliff-top trail ...
by WilliamMJones
July 14th, 2010, 7:20 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: REVISED Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)
Replies: 22
Views: 5057

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

REVISED SYNOPSIS - I added in more detail about the climax, but I'm not sure if it's clear what the secret society is about. Thoughts? Thank you! Seventeen-year old Helene Jacobsen is usually alone when she visits her mom's grave, but not today. Something stirs on the drought-plagued hill just outs...
by WilliamMJones
July 13th, 2010, 10:20 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: PREDICT THE NEXT BIG YA GENRE
Replies: 61
Views: 15068

Re: PREDICT THE NEXT BIG YA GENRE

I'm hoping the next big thing is half human teens going to alternate worlds. *crosses fingers*
by WilliamMJones
July 13th, 2010, 4:44 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: REVISED Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)
Replies: 22
Views: 5057

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

I'm not sure what would happen if you hit post, but when I qouted sarahdee and hit preveiw, it let me see all of the strikes and colors.
by WilliamMJones
July 12th, 2010, 4:40 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: REVISED Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)
Replies: 22
Views: 5057

Re: Synopsis - Timeless (YA Paranormal Romance)

This seems like an interesting story. I would suggest giving a little more info about how they outsmart the ones who took over the portal. Why did the society take over the portal in the first place? Another thing, how does Leo recognize Helen? If she was only three when he last saw her, wouldn't sh...
by WilliamMJones
July 12th, 2010, 1:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: I'm A Nobody, newest on page four
Replies: 34
Views: 5603

Re: I'm A Nobody, YA Fantasy (2nd draft on page 2)

I guess I need to be more specific, Dominic wants to find the Source so it can't be used to destroy the Fey. Oh, and the humans started the war. He isn't really on one side or the other, but if the source of magic is destroyed, he would die too, being half Fey. Here's another shot. Does this make th...
by WilliamMJones
July 10th, 2010, 6:55 pm
Forum: Social Media and Book Promotion
Topic: Do you have a new blog post?
Replies: 2688
Views: 336289

Re: Do you have a new blog post?

I'm almost at the query stage, so I figured I should get with the program. My brand new blog: http://williammjones.blogspot.com/
by WilliamMJones
July 9th, 2010, 9:29 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: I'm A Nobody, newest on page four
Replies: 34
Views: 5603

Re: I'm A Nobody, YA Fantasy (2nd draft on page 2)

Newest version is six posts down. Some great points GeeGee55. Thanks for the advice. Newest draft. Dear (Agent name): Dominic Taylor is able to do strange things, such as opening locked doors and passing by security cameras undetected. He’s never been able to explain his powers. When he discovers t...
by WilliamMJones
July 9th, 2010, 7:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: I'm A Nobody, newest on page four
Replies: 34
Views: 5603

Re: I'm A Nobody, YA Fantasy

Newest draft is two posts down. Okay, second draft. Thanks for all of the advice on my last version. One thing I did keep was the "is complete" line. In a blog post, Nathan made a comment about showing that the MS is complete. Dear (Agent name): Dominic Taylor is able to do strange things, like ope...
by WilliamMJones
July 9th, 2010, 3:48 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: Favorite writing jokes
Replies: 5
Views: 814

Favorite writing jokes

Does anyone know some good jokes about writers, agents, or english? I have two that I like. A writer is taking a tour of hell. The imp tourguide is leading the group from room to room, showing them the different job specific areas they have set up. "Where do you keep the writers?" The writer asked. ...
by WilliamMJones
July 9th, 2010, 3:02 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Re: ELEMENTUM - Fantasy (REVISION #1)
Replies: 9
Views: 1397

Re: ELEMENTUM - Fantasy

Maintaining world peace is hard enough, it’s even harder if you don’t know you’re the one meant to do it. I'm not sure this part works. It sets the stakes (world peace) before any of the characters are introduced. I'm not sure an agent would care about the world at this point. Lieth Elior is an ass...
by WilliamMJones
July 9th, 2010, 2:19 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Of the characters you've written, who is your favorite?
Replies: 41
Views: 11175

Re: Of the characters you've written, who is your favorite?

One of my favorite characters is a half Fey girl living with her adopted brothers in New York. She loves talking in circles and confusing the other characters. She can sometimes see the future, but doesn't tell people what they want to know right away. She calls her little group the Nobodies, becaus...
by WilliamMJones
June 3rd, 2010, 1:51 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: I'm A Nobody, newest on page four
Replies: 34
Views: 5603

I'm A Nobody, newest on page four

Hi everyone. This is the query for my novel, I'm a Nobody. All comments are appreciated. Thanks in advance. Dear (Agent name): Dominic Taylor knows he is different. Doors open at his touch and he is able to go anywhere, undetected by cameras and security systems. When he discovers that one of his cl...
by WilliamMJones
June 1st, 2010, 2:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Replies: 28
Views: 4285

Re: Query for Thriller - Boo, I'm ba-ack

Ringing phones make Detective Luke Frawley growl, especially on his catch-up day. I like how the opening gives a bit of information about the character. Even worse, the voice belongs to an old girlfriend needing a favor. This sentance could flow a little better from the last one. You say he hates r...