Search found 72 matches

by rainbowsheeps
May 1st, 2010, 6:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Revision: Euphonious Brine
Replies: 36
Views: 5661

Re: Query Revision: Euphonious Brine

I hope that this is not a faux pas, but I started a new thread on a query in progress. I've taken all of your excellent advice and started over from scratch. What do you think? Just wanted to say, best feedback I've received anywhere so far (very candid). Thanks for your help, I'll be on the look o...
by rainbowsheeps
May 1st, 2010, 2:25 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7600

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

Many thanks to shadow, Ermo, rainbowsheeps, and wilderness! The second sentence is still passive, but I've tried to incorporate everyone's advice where I could for now. Still not there, but working on it. Here's version 3! ----- Dear Agent, The only thing Jav Holson knows is that whatever robbed hi...
by rainbowsheeps
April 30th, 2010, 1:20 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Hunting in the Dark - Urban Fantasy TAKE 3
Replies: 18
Views: 2682

Re: Hunting in the Dark - Urban Fantasy TAKE 3

Following is Version Three of this query. I'm working on my second revision of the complete story now and plan to query soon, so any feedback (particularly likes/dislikes) would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time, folks. QUERY V3 War Witch Callista Shea was born to stand between gentle wi...
by rainbowsheeps
April 30th, 2010, 12:49 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7600

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

Thanks for all the great feedback! It's been very helpful. Below is an older version of the query, but maybe it's a better direction to go in. I think it addresses some of the points brought up, but isn't quite right yet. Thanks in advance for all your help! ------ Dear Agent, The only thing Jav Ho...
by rainbowsheeps
April 30th, 2010, 12:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Seeking feedback on my Rejected Query
Replies: 10
Views: 1715

Re: Seeking feedback on my Rejected Query

Just a note: Space Creature is just a fake title I have thrown in because I don't want to use her actual title. Myabe I'm the only one that thinks her character is interesting and unique, but I don't want to take the chance at giving away an idea. Forgive me, but I'm going to be very blunt. No one ...
by rainbowsheeps
April 30th, 2010, 11:57 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Isabella Vampirella Revision
Replies: 12
Views: 1911

Re: Query: Isabella Vampirella Revision

Thanks. It's out on a request right now (so I guess the query worked, I did go more back to my original BTW ) and I am freaking out! I really hope she says yes. *fingers crossed* Congratulations! I'm glad you reverted back to the original a little bit more, too. Even if she doesn't say yes, keep tr...
by rainbowsheeps
April 25th, 2010, 1:03 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: Best TV show of all time?
Replies: 48
Views: 6987

Re: Best TV show of all time?

I'm throwing another vote in for The Wire.

I also love:
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
House, M.D.
The Office
Dexter
by rainbowsheeps
April 25th, 2010, 12:29 am
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: The Introduction Thread
Replies: 618
Views: 197944

Re: The Introduction Thread

I confess, I didn't really notice any of the forums except for Feedback until the rearrangement today. I like the changes. I'm Josh. I am 22 years old. I like my rock like I like my film: very indie. My favorite movie is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind . And though I know it's not a very uniqu...
by rainbowsheeps
April 25th, 2010, 12:10 am
Forum: Books
Topic: What are you reading now?
Replies: 522
Views: 152245

Re: What are you reading now?

Extremely Loud, and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer.

Also: The Indispensable Calvin & Hobbes by Bill Watterson.
by rainbowsheeps
April 24th, 2010, 5:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE
Replies: 10
Views: 1743

Re: YA fantasy query - CHANNELING TROUBLE

I had a prior version of this critiqued by an agent, and this is the revision based on her notes. (The first draft was all plot, no character.) Does this seem teen-friendly and give a decent idea of Ronnie as a character? (The first draft used a spin on the word 'job' which made it seem less teen-a...
by rainbowsheeps
April 17th, 2010, 9:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)
Replies: 14
Views: 3077

Re: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)

Remy wakes up on a park bench with no memory and no identity. In another part of the city, Ash wakes up in an alley with the same condition. (As others have said, I don't think you should start with them both waking up. Especially in a query, it's just too passive and takes up too much space. It se...
by rainbowsheeps
April 17th, 2010, 7:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: VALENTINE, New Revision & stuff
Replies: 33
Views: 5360

Re: Query: VALENTINE

Again, any new comments, criticisms or suggestions are appreciated. Thank you. NEWEST VERSION: Dear Specific Agent, Nineteen-year-old Adam failed a suicide attempt. His five-year-old sister, Evelyn, found him bleeding on the floor. Every night, Adam tucks her into bed and hopes to find a way to make...
by rainbowsheeps
April 11th, 2010, 10:21 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: VALENTINE, New Revision & stuff
Replies: 33
Views: 5360

Re: Query: VALENTINE

JustineDell: Thank you so much! It's clear you put a lot of thought into this. And don't worry, I never burn good suggestions or critiques :P I think I understand what you're saying. The first paragraph is about his suicide attempt, the guilt and goal of helping Evelyn. The second paragraph is all a...
by rainbowsheeps
April 11th, 2010, 10:03 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: VALENTINE, New Revision & stuff
Replies: 33
Views: 5360

Re: Query: VALENTINE

To all of you: Thanks for the feedback :) I really, really appreciate it. BethC: I didn't even realize how confusing the description of the suicide attempt and his sister finding him is. I knew I probably couldn't really fit the entire event into the story... he shoots himself but doesn't die, so he...
by rainbowsheeps
April 11th, 2010, 12:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3123

Re: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

Here's Draft Four... I'm worried that I'm now just re-working the same words over and over... It's amazing how much time I spend looking at the same 300 words. Dear Agent of my Dreams, For eleven-year-old James “Smith” Campbell, apart from a failed attempt to run away to the Smithsonian, the only a...