Search found 250 matches

by oldhousejunkie
August 27th, 2010, 7:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Enemy Within
Replies: 7
Views: 1162

Query: The Enemy Within

First, I'll say thank you in advance for any help you throw my way. I really need help with making my query a query and not a synopsis. I've had a hard time getting my character's voice across. Second, I'm a disiciple of the Query Shark, so I've tried to stick to her pointers. I will however edit my...
by oldhousejunkie
August 27th, 2010, 6:03 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Urban Fantasy WHAT A PAINE!
Replies: 7
Views: 905

Re: Urban Fantasy WHAT A PAINE!

Thanks oldhousejunkie, on length. I will rework this some more. I think there is entirely too many questions about her job and who she is, and that is NOT the focus of the book at ALL. This gets covered in the first chapter and then it is over. It's difficult to condense in a query, however. I don'...
by oldhousejunkie
August 27th, 2010, 6:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Chasing Miracles - Fantasy [Last Post - Updated] Try Nth! XD
Replies: 31
Views: 4636

Re: Chasing Miracles - Christian Fantasy

MUCH better. My brain didn't implode with confusion, so that's always a good sign. :-) When Carmine Caudatus was eight-years-old, he lost his best friend and servant to murder. Good! Eye-catching. With the Power of the Rose, a gift only descendants of his mother's line carry that might be too much i...
by oldhousejunkie
August 27th, 2010, 5:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: December--Your Help Needed!
Replies: 9
Views: 1353

Re: Query: December--Your Help Needed!

Ok, your new version rocks! I wish I could turn-around a query like that. Kudos to you! To answer your question, you give just the amount of information away. I was confused by your first query, but totally drawn in by your second. I can see beyond the query and would guess that your work is polishe...
by oldhousejunkie
August 27th, 2010, 5:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Urban Fantasy WHAT A PAINE!
Replies: 7
Views: 905

Re: Urban Fantasy WHAT A PAINE!

This has so much potential and yet it's not coming through. To answer your question, you have 250 words, bascially, to get your point across. And yes, you want to leave them wanting to read more, not wondering what is going on. If you haven't finished the last four chapters, and you're not the type ...
by oldhousejunkie
August 27th, 2010, 5:29 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Jade's Hurricane: 6th try
Replies: 9
Views: 1296

Re: Jade's Hurricane: 6th try

Me three...as in I didn't read your first attempts. All right, so I have a good reason for this: I went crazy on my query and re-did it all. Mostly because I spent a whole morning reading Nathan's every single post about queries, and a 85 pages book about it. Hopefully, it's working a bit better the...
by oldhousejunkie
August 27th, 2010, 5:20 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Drunkard's Daughter: Started from Scratch, see p. 2
Replies: 24
Views: 4193

Re: The Drunkard's Daughter: Mainstream

Good start. But I got way too confused following all the different people. It is my understanding that you need to write from one point of view. I'm assuming that Dara is the main character, so write it from her POV. The beginning is good....and catchy. It makes me want to read more. But as you go a...
by oldhousejunkie
August 27th, 2010, 5:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Chasing Miracles - Fantasy [Last Post - Updated] Try Nth! XD
Replies: 31
Views: 4636

Re: Chasing Miracles - Christian Fantasy

Ok, here's what jumped out at me. First, you're way too hard on yourself. Chin up, ok? :-) Second, I was raised on Christian fiction, and I don't think this would qualify. I think it's just a fantasy with religious overtones or a religious fantasy. But that's just my opinion. I hope that doesn't off...
by oldhousejunkie
June 10th, 2010, 11:13 am
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 283088

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: The Enemy Within Genre: Historical Fiction June 1862 Woodford County, Kentucky The rolling hills of my beloved Brookfield had been cloaked in shadows for some hours. It must have been well past midnight as the servants had gone to bed, leaving the house devoid of activity. As I lay in the lar...
by oldhousejunkie
March 16th, 2010, 10:29 am
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Do you need a Critique Partner?
Replies: 21
Views: 6729

Re: Do you need a Critique Partner?

Hello everyone! I am new to the forums, but have been subscribing to Nathan's blog for a while. I am desperately seeking a critique partner. My MS is a 110,000 word historical fiction set in the US and England during the American Civil War time period. Here is an excerpt from my query: Julienne Dalt...