Search found 17 matches

by Ellie G
March 16th, 2010, 6:39 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: rewrite now added-Key in the Shadow- wrk title-
Replies: 9
Views: 2059

Re: Key in the Shadow - wrk title- feedback please.

At the scene level, I think it works well; there's a tension that's introduced early (what will happen when she gets home? why is she in the hospital?) that carries the interest through. On a sentence level, though, it could be smoother and stronger. P1: This beginning doesn't grab me. Within the fi...
by Ellie G
March 15th, 2010, 3:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: THE LAST DRAGON (fantasy)
Replies: 12
Views: 1952

Re: QUERY: THE LAST DRAGON (fantasy)

I feel like you're still giving us a lot of information that's not really necessary for the agent to be able to envision what your story is like (and in some cases, it's actively confusing the issue.) Do we really need to know that Nadine is engaged at the Embers Ball or flees on a winged horse ? Th...