Search found 31 matches

by dahosek
April 7th, 2010, 5:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for DRAGON QUEEN
Replies: 17
Views: 2401

Re: Query for DRAGON QUEEN

Sixteen-year-old Jade, the youngest of Thorndarl’s thirteen princesses, never expected to rule, so she spends her days dreaming of dragons and her nights sneaking out of the castle to sleep on a rock shaped like a dragon’s head. This sentece is a bit long. There are an awful lot of subordinate clau...
by dahosek
April 7th, 2010, 2:52 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS
Replies: 17
Views: 3047

Re: Query - MG - THE WHISPERING FERNS

The most adventurous thing eleven year old James “Smith” Campbell ever did was try and run away to the Smithsonian, and he only got one block away and a nickname out of that. However, when Smith is sent to stay with his cousins in the mysterious little fishing village of Moonstone Bay, Washington, ...
by dahosek
April 6th, 2010, 6:29 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First 13--SENDEK Science Fantasy
Replies: 8
Views: 1618

Re: First 13--SENDEK Science Fantasy

I think, if you want "enough to save me this time" to indicate that the character has died before, you need to be more explicit, or it will seem like a mistake to the reader.
by dahosek
April 6th, 2010, 6:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Distillation - a New England ghost story
Replies: 11
Views: 2324

Re: Distillation - a New England ghost story

Haunted by the superstitious lore of her mother, Alice Towne hasn’t been able to shake the feeling that something is not right. When she looks in the mirror, she sees only the outline of a person drawn by someone else, and not the person she wants to be. So Alice leaves everything behind, turning a...
by dahosek
April 6th, 2010, 4:49 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First 13--SENDEK Science Fantasy
Replies: 8
Views: 1618

Re: First 13--SENDEK Science Fantasy

This seems an awful lot like a protagonist wakes up opening, which, apparently, is something that many agents don't like. That said, my biggest problem is just feeling a bit unmoored. I don't really have much sense of what's at stake (although maybe I will soon). "enough to save me this time" makes ...
by dahosek
April 1st, 2010, 4:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-Akasha one more time...I think
Replies: 16
Views: 3010

Re: Query-Akasha

Fair enough, although then ex-fiancé is perhaps not the right way to describe him... my interpretation was that the engagement had ended before she left town.
by dahosek
April 1st, 2010, 4:08 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: Synopsis: The Archbishop's Son
Replies: 3
Views: 1303

Synopsis: The Archbishop's Son

EMIL SIROTEK is a foundling living in a Catholic orphanage in Prague at the beginning of the twentieth century. As a foundling he finds himself at the bottom social tier among the boys of the orphanage. Other boys might have some family still outside the orphanage, or at least memories of a parent n...
by dahosek
April 1st, 2010, 4:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-Akasha one more time...I think
Replies: 16
Views: 3010

Re: Query-Akasha

I'm assuming this takes place in 1870 correct? So you'll need to leave that in if that's the case. I would change fiance to betrothed to fit the time period. A 16 year old girl in that time would definitely be engaged or married. It's one thing to be engaged or married, but to have an ex-fiancé at ...
by dahosek
April 1st, 2010, 3:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query letter for Too Enchanted; fantasy (here we go again)
Replies: 10
Views: 1934

Re: Query letter for Too Enchanted *second times a charm*

Prefatory note: I write my commentary before reading anything else in the thread so this might be a bit repetitive with other's comments. Rynn’s job as a hero for hire often has her in dangerous and difficult situations, but when her latest job to rescue a kidnapped human girl goes seriously wrong, ...
by dahosek
March 31st, 2010, 6:43 pm
Forum: Self-Publishing
Topic: Borders survives!!
Replies: 6
Views: 1204

Re: Borders survives!!

Yay indeed, although I'm still bummed that they closed the store that was walking distance from my apartment. There's a B&N a couple blocks away, but it's never been as attractive to me for some reason.
by dahosek
March 31st, 2010, 6:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-Akasha one more time...I think
Replies: 16
Views: 3010

Re: Query-Akasha

It started with a note. I found you. Less than forty-eight hours later sixteen-year-old Nichole loses her mother in a fire, leaving her an orphan. Who's "I" and "you"? I would have assumed that the "I" was the author of the book and the "you" was the agent, gotten really confused and given up on th...
by dahosek
March 31st, 2010, 3:15 am
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: The Introduction Thread
Replies: 618
Views: 194090

Re: The Introduction Thread

I suppose I should get around to introducing myself. You'll see (rarely) my comments on the blog as "Don" and my occasional comments here to try and create a bit of street cred as I prepare to get feedback on my query and synopsis for The Archbishop's Son , which is nearing completion (draft 7 is wi...
by dahosek
March 31st, 2010, 3:11 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: Best TV show of all time?
Replies: 48
Views: 6794

Re: Best TV show of all time?

Fans of The WIre who've not seen it should definitely check out Homicide , the first show by the production team who did The Wire. I'm not sure that I'd bother with any stories after Pemberton's stroke though. Buffy the Vampire Slayer really set the bar for the current generation of fantasy/sci-fi s...
by dahosek
March 31st, 2010, 3:04 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Using Google Docs to write MS? Input from NATHAN??
Replies: 8
Views: 1550

Re: Using Google Docs to write MS? Input from NATHAN??

I doubt that most agents would respond kindly to any link to read the MS. Another approach to moving files between computers easily is dropbox (http://www.dropbox.com/) which gives you a directory on your computer(s) which is automatically synced between them. Then all you have to do is remember to ...
by dahosek
March 30th, 2010, 10:26 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page Revision? - SftOS
Replies: 14
Views: 2243

Re: First Page Revision? - SftOS

There's a nice sharp voice here. Some nits: Four taps of the tongue, once around; simple and clean. It took me a couple reads to understand what you were saying with this. It was the lesson my grandmother taught me when I got my first Gucci bag. I don't see a connection between getting a handbag and...