Search found 84 matches

by kenpochick
April 2nd, 2010, 11:05 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Gilded Wings
Replies: 25
Views: 4154

Re: QUERY: FEATHERS (YA -Fantasy-Romance)

"In the midst of a thunderstorm, seventeen-year-old Nicola Summers finds her boyfriend Tristan chained to her driveway, struggling to break free from the restrains. With the help of a hammer, she hopes to liberate him, but then she witnesses the impossible: Tristan sprouts white wings. Consumed by a...
by kenpochick
April 2nd, 2010, 10:08 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Black Hole Son (New Approach)
Replies: 6
Views: 1409

Re: Black Hole Son (New Approach)

Time for more turnabout. Here's a different version of my query. In the critique, please compare it to my earlier query (http://forums.nathanbransford.com/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=1014) and see if there's one you like better. Remy and Ash are identical brothers, but they don't know it. They both wake u...
by kenpochick
April 2nd, 2010, 9:08 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Old Post
Replies: 7
Views: 1401

Re: READ THIS QUERY AND GET A HYBRID PUPPY/KITTEN/BUNNY/&ZEBRA!!

Ooo! Ooo! Me!! I want a hyrbid puppy/kitten/bunny/zebra!!!! CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. ENTER. On the day of Wallace McHardy’s reprieve from rehab, he is offered a night of foolhardy fun from a Rumspringa (I'm not sure what that is?) lass, Sailor Crownan. She is intrigued by the fact that Wallace we...
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 4:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-Akasha one more time...I think
Replies: 16
Views: 3008

Re: Query-Akasha

I'm assuming that the only reason the engagement was broken off was because she was banished from town and took up with the gypsy's. Social etiquette doesn't apply too well there. :-)
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 4:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Gilded Wings
Replies: 25
Views: 4154

Re: QUERY: FEATHERS (YA -Fantasy-Romance)

Hanna, I see you've changed the query as I was looking back at the original post. "Seventeen-year-old Nicola Summers, the newest resident of the gloomy town of Delia, discovers her classmate Tristan chained on her driveway in the midst of a thunderstorm. (Why would he be chained to her driveway? Who...
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 2:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query- Isabella Vampirella (EVIL EDITOR response at end)
Replies: 36
Views: 5593

Re: Query- Isabella Vampirella

Thanks J.

Trust me, nothing's leaving my hands until it's as perfect as I can make it!
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 1:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query letter for Too Enchanted; fantasy (here we go again)
Replies: 10
Views: 1932

Re: Query letter for Too Enchanted *second times a charm*

Hmm. Maybe I didn't see it there. I could have sworn I did though. Have you posted it to another critique blog?

Never mind me then. :-)
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 10:10 am
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: How important is a working title?
Replies: 6
Views: 1062

Re: How important is a working title?

I agree. Just pick a name. Anything. It can always be changed later. Not naming it seems like it's unfinished.

I know what you mean. I have two MS that I'm working on that are saved with just the MC's name as the title.
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 10:04 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Hot & Cold!
Replies: 22
Views: 3500

Hot & Cold!

Ok. So the other night I was revising my MS and thinking, ughh this is a mess I've got to re-write the whole thing. Last night I sat down prepared to revise the crap out of it only to read it and think, actually this is really good. Ugghh. Does anyone else run so hot and cold about their writing? Ma...
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 10:02 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Will my MC's name kill my chances?
Replies: 24
Views: 7071

Re: Will my MC's name kill my chances?

I likje Bohemienne's suggestion. I don't like it as is but lots of fantasy novels have strange names. I don't think it will kill your chances but I'll be honest that when I read your query I just skip over his name.
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 9:56 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Help Needed: ZOMBIE RABBIT
Replies: 13
Views: 2507

Re: Query Help Needed: ZOMBIE RABBIT

I like poisonguy's suggestions but I have one more. You don't need the "(but for woodland animals)" part. It's clear from the query that we're dealing with animals.

Good luck, it sounds really cute.
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 9:53 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Book of the Watchers-revised
Replies: 9
Views: 1452

Re: Book of the Watchers-query

"Urban fantasy is a subset of fantasy defined by place; the fantastic narrative has an urban setting. Many urban fantasies are set in contemporary times or contain supernatural elements. However, this is not the primary definition of urban fantasy.[1] Urban fantasy can be set in historical times, mo...
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 9:50 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-Akasha one more time...I think
Replies: 16
Views: 3008

Re: Query-Akasha

I'm assuming this takes place in 1870 correct? So you'll need to leave that in if that's the case. I would change fiance to betrothed to fit the time period. A 16 year old girl in that time would definitely be engaged or married. Overall it's not bad but it feels like it's jumping a bit. Why does th...
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 9:45 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page Revision? - SftOS
Replies: 14
Views: 2241

Re: First Page Revision? - SftOS

Oh, one more thing.

My husbands a cop. I agree, they won't reach into a car. They could however gesture to it with their hand, ticket book, flashlight etc.
by kenpochick
April 1st, 2010, 9:44 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page Revision? - SftOS
Replies: 14
Views: 2241

Re: First Page Revision? - SftOS

I don't understand the first paragraph at all and I see that you explain it later in the chapter so maybe it could show up somewhere else if it's important. You had me when the ghost threw the pebble. I like it.