Search found 69 matches

by eringayles
March 18th, 2010, 12:31 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: Congratulations Ink!
Replies: 26
Views: 4042

Re: Congratulations Ink!

Congratulations, Ink! Now what are you doing on your computer? Go get some sleep . . . . . . or make another one . . . Congratulations, Ink. Share a story with you. My daughter: "Mudder, will you die?" Me : "Yes, Pet, but not for ages, yet." Daughter : "Well, if you do, can you buy me a house next ...
by eringayles
March 17th, 2010, 5:58 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: How old are you?
Replies: 113
Views: 21803

Re: How old are you?

Am I the oldest woman here at 45? Yikes! I've seen some guys who are older, but no women unless I missed their posts. Anyway, I don't think of myself as 'old', I think of myself perfectly aged fine wine. ;-) Besides, I was knocking down jumpshots like a pro today! Even turnaround jumpers. *beams* Y...
by eringayles
March 17th, 2010, 6:57 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!
Replies: 24
Views: 3543

Re: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!

You've had some good advice, but I don't think anyone's picked up on 'cool' yet. It's not language of the genre. Also, ditch 'midnight' and 'piercing' for more original words.
Good ideas.
by eringayles
March 17th, 2010, 6:40 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Messiah Notebooks - first three pages
Replies: 5
Views: 1202

Re: The Messiah Notebooks - first three pages

Your dialogue style is really natural, and starting with it is a good 'grab', and the story sounds intriguing. I had a problem with 'break a leg' - don't think it was used until early C20. 'Had to bend forward' - delete 'have to'. Ditto 'entertainer's' - it's a theatre, so 'entertainer's' is obsolet...
by eringayles
March 16th, 2010, 8:15 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Action, anyone?
Replies: 23
Views: 3985

Re: Action, anyone?

I certainly think you have to 'grab' today's reader. Yesteryear, the classics did it with beautiful writing; maybe they couldn't achieve the same today. Is it, as it is in many aspects of modern life, that we're after instant gratification? The busy-ants syndrome? So . . . yes, grab them. But it doe...
by eringayles
March 6th, 2010, 11:39 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 40084

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Okay, so this first sentence is from book #1: Sofie. Sofie’s parents. (hmmmm...it does get better. I promise.) ...And this is from book @2: The night before Lizzie had to be at the warehouse in Newark, New Jersey at seven o’clock sharp to pick up a load of expensive wine bound for Las Vegas, she be...
by eringayles
March 6th, 2010, 11:05 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 40084

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Liked the idea of a woman dancing in lingerie. It might be more titillating to know where she's dancing - outdoor, on the opera stage, etc., but you probably say in your next sentence. ;D 8.5 Weary of killing, Liu Jie picked at the blood in his cuticles as he swayed in the saddle. From "Mourn Their...
by eringayles
March 6th, 2010, 10:45 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 40084

Re: Share your opening sentence!

My first post will be my first sentence from a middle reader that I expect to finish in May. Seems appropriate. But I'll begin by complimenting Josin — my favorite so far, although many others are excellent, too. As a journalist, I've always loved a concise, memorable lede. We're all immortal until...
by eringayles
March 6th, 2010, 10:37 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 40084

Re: Share your opening sentence!

zoecourtmansmith wrote:Okay, so I looked at my second/third sentences and thought this might work better:

"The waitress took one look at the hooded teenager standing across the dark lot and murmured to herself, “Here comes trouble.”
Yes! 'Hooded', and 'trouble' are your 'I've-gotta-read-on' tags.
by eringayles
March 6th, 2010, 10:33 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 40084

Re: Share your opening sentence!

I'm published in historical fiction, but new MS is my first attempt at YA (fantasy/horror). N.B. setting is Australia - hence heat in November.

With November, came the heat . . . and the flies.
And then the evil.
by eringayles
March 6th, 2010, 10:10 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Swearwords. US vs. the rest
Replies: 22
Views: 2744

Re: Swearwords. US vs. the rest

Okay, you debauched mob, this swearing diversion has been a hoot (although the original question was genuine - damned genuine. I really did think 'damned' was a no-no in US) but now I'm going back to my first attempt at YA. It's fantasy/horror based on characters from Irish mythology. You all sound ...
by eringayles
March 6th, 2010, 3:05 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Swearwords. US vs. the rest
Replies: 22
Views: 2744

Re: Swearwords. US vs. the rest

God, I LOVE that there are Aussies on here! We had another 'root' conversation on a different thread. Hi Kay! *waves* :) I mean, crikey, we've got sheilas and blokes throwing the 'root' word around like it's goin' outta fashion! but i can't think of any words that would turn mainstream america agai...
by eringayles
March 5th, 2010, 11:13 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Swearwords. US vs. the rest
Replies: 22
Views: 2744

Re: Swearwords. US vs. the rest

hahah nice try!!! I'd never thought that the word damn would be an offensive word (seeing as how much it's used here in aust) and hadn't really thought much about AUS vs US lang use - so thanks!!! But on that point eringayles, I've always been mindful of not using aussie slang unless I was pitching...
by eringayles
March 5th, 2010, 11:11 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Swearwords. US vs. the rest
Replies: 22
Views: 2744

Re: Swearwords. US vs. the rest

Yep, Taylor, you dirty old woman, you got it in one! It's not yet my family's wake-up time (they sleep in on Sat mornings) and I let out a huge belly-laugh when I read your question. Everyone came running down to give me mouth-to-mouth. Regards, Eringayles Oh my gawd...did you just call me an old w...
by eringayles
March 5th, 2010, 6:59 pm
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Request for a Full MS - It came...the rejection.
Replies: 57
Views: 7298

Re: Request for a Full MS - It came...the rejection.

So, yeah...it came. The rejection. You can read about how it made me feel on my blog: http://justine-dell.blogspot.com/2010/03/rejection.html Well, at least I have one more out. I'll cross my fingers and see how that one goes. ~JD Now, don't you get all depressed, will you? You have accomplished wh...