Search found 173 matches

by GeeGee55
February 20th, 2010, 1:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 5580

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Literary

Thank you, Jordynface. These are good questions to ask myself and it's great to have someone to bounce ideas around with.
by GeeGee55
February 20th, 2010, 1:30 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Thicker Than Water
Replies: 9
Views: 1221

Re: Query: Thicker Than Water

When a manipulative caregiver burrows her way into Don Williams’ life and sets her sights on stealing his fortunes, his sons will stop at nothing to get her out of his life and protect the family business. (This is not a bad sentence, but from reading it I think the book will be about the son's effo...
by GeeGee55
February 20th, 2010, 12:57 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 38758

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Hillsy and Shandy Shin you've got something special. Here's mine and I don't really like it myself:

The Kelman baby died early in the strange, hot spring of 1938.
by GeeGee55
February 20th, 2010, 12:39 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 5580

QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3

THERE IS A NEW VERSION POSTED ON 31 MARCH 2010 Dear Agent: In the spring of 1938, a baby boy dies in a remote farm home in drought-stricken northern Saskatchewan. His father, Gus, immerses himself in his daily chores, caring for his beloved horses, worrying about the absence of rain. The one thing ...
by GeeGee55
February 20th, 2010, 12:30 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: A page to ponder; literary fiction
Replies: 24
Views: 3567

Re: A page to ponder; literary fiction

Two suggestions: Begin with this sentence - it's stronger, the voice is stronger. This place didn’t smell fresh the day it was built, no reason it should today. The tone is good throughout the piece. Secondly, I'd suggest shortening the title to "Before a Broken Mirror" the standing is kind of obvio...
by GeeGee55
February 20th, 2010, 12:04 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query (Writer's Block YA Fantasy)
Replies: 10
Views: 1693

Re: Query (Writer's Block)

Rather than offer a critique as such, I just played with your sentences/words a bit to get a better flow for the first two para, you could do the same for the rest of it: Using the terms real and Reality just doesn't work here, they are too similar and you must think of some other term in my opinion...
by GeeGee55
February 19th, 2010, 11:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Shameless Acts of Grieving, Mainstream
Replies: 6
Views: 1187

Re: QUERY: Shameless Acts of Grieving, Mainstream

I will disagree with something that CJTrapp said. We do not have to like Dolly we only have to find her interesting. And I think she could be very interesting. What this query needs I think is more specific detail about how Dolly interferes with her son's marriage once she becomes a widow and what t...
by GeeGee55
February 19th, 2010, 11:21 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Help: "It Can't Be You"
Replies: 6
Views: 1050

Re: Query Help: "It Can't Be You"

To me, the first version is more interesting. The second is just a list of what happens. Does the novel begin with the death of the decorated war hero and then all the rest is back story? Or does it begin with the colonel alive and suffering from his war experiences? It's not clear. And the reason n...