Search found 173 matches

by GeeGee55
March 12th, 2010, 11:58 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - Overcast Shadows - First Try
Replies: 27
Views: 5222

Re: Query Critique - Overcast Shadows - First Try

Ok here is a revision. I hope this makes more sense. I know a query isn't a synopsis so I don't want to tell the whole story in it... hmmm I don't even really know. You guys tell me! Dear Agent, Dear Awesome Agent, I chose to submit to you because of your wonderful taste in Young Adult, and because...
by GeeGee55
March 12th, 2010, 11:19 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!
Replies: 24
Views: 4773

Re: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!

Anything for Jellybeans! I'm assuming this is not a query but the opening of the novel. Vitiosus calmed his breathing as he was escorted for me, the passive works here because of the situation he's in out into the centre of the village square by a few guards dressed in midnight black armor. He had ...
by GeeGee55
March 11th, 2010, 8:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 7744

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3

The pages are what they are, the best I could make them. And I was trying to make something beautiful. I wonder if anyone produces their first movie or book or whatever thinking it will grab an Oscar or a Pulitzer. I don't know. Does anyone intend to be cliche? w A writer that lives in my province w...
by GeeGee55
March 11th, 2010, 8:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 4321

Re: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5

Adding the bit to connect the dead mother with the tree makes it a lot better, for me. I have a friend in Australia who believes that trees have spirits. Good luck with it.
by GeeGee55
March 11th, 2010, 12:07 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 4321

Re: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 4

Revision 4 Ok, so I stepped away for a bit for clarity. Having digested the critiques (thank you so much for the feedback) I am submitting a new revision. It's time to reload the query cart as it has been a week or two since the last set of rejections. Ideally this will be sent out in the next roun...
by GeeGee55
March 10th, 2010, 11:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Speculative Fiction Query REVISED 3/14/10
Replies: 11
Views: 2585

Re: Speculative Fiction Query

This is a great idea for a novel. I think CoachMT has given you some very sound advice about how to begin. It all flows really well if you use the sentence he/she advises for the lead. You don't need to mention the name of the novel twice, once at the conclusion is sufficient. And you don't need the...
by GeeGee55
March 9th, 2010, 8:50 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: THE LAST DRAGON (fantasy)
Replies: 12
Views: 2408

Re: QUERY: THE LAST DRAGON (fantasy)

This mighty beast possesses a golden vein - a filament in it's heart - etc. This is a sentence from the Belle version of the query, it's a great sentence. Keep it.
by GeeGee55
March 9th, 2010, 8:21 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: A BROKEN MIRROR -- new query
Replies: 15
Views: 3300

Re: A BROKEN MIRROR -- new query

Hi, Serzen: I don't hate this either. If I remember correctly you said in an earlier post that it's written in second person, so that will be a challenge in terms of doing the query. It's a bit choppy, disjointed. I need some connectors in order to be able to follow the story line. What does a fight...
by GeeGee55
March 9th, 2010, 7:49 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Literary fiction/comic novel
Replies: 4
Views: 1476

Re: QUERY: Literary fiction/comic novel

Though it's tempting to leave out the word count, I wouldn't. How do you expect to establish a relationship based on trust, and I assume you want that with your agent, if that relationship begins on a less than honest basis. Just admit it wasn't your finest idea, forgive yourself and begin again. I ...
by GeeGee55
March 8th, 2010, 11:10 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Double Narrative Structure
Replies: 19
Views: 7138

Re: Double Narrative Structure

House of Sand and Fog is a more recent novel utilizing two POV
by GeeGee55
March 8th, 2010, 10:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Black Hole Son (Draft #3)
Replies: 5
Views: 1462

Re: Black Hole Son (Draft #3)

Hi, Wallflower: Just a few suggestions about word choice to make it more clear Here is my latest version, taking in all the feedback. I am also soon going to post a version that takes a different approach to the structure. Remy wakes up on a park bench with no memory and no identity. But he has some...
by GeeGee55
March 8th, 2010, 10:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 7744

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3

Testing to see if I can figure out how to use the quote feature: I posted the first draft and the latest revision so it will be easier to compare. For these ongoing threads, this format could help. Scrolling all over the thread to see the original and the latest revisions gets tedious. I think addin...
by GeeGee55
March 7th, 2010, 8:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Science Fiction Query
Replies: 4
Views: 1309

Re: Science Fiction Query

Hi, Drewes: Here are my suggestions/reactions as I read your query: Humanity Will Fall. if you want to keep this structure, I think I would add the word is here and make it into a full sentence A propaganda slogan plastered around the city of Necro. A slogan Dom Craddock, werewolf resistance fighter...
by GeeGee55
March 7th, 2010, 8:02 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 7744

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #2

To those of you who have come back to this page more than once to try to help me thanks so much. Erica thanks for the reminder that all the comments can distract me from the original goal. And, I don't know - nightmare is such a strong word - on second thought, yes, yes, it is a nightmare.
by GeeGee55
March 4th, 2010, 8:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: BELLE (YA-FANTASY)
Replies: 16
Views: 3552

Re: QUERY: BELLE (YA-FANTASY)

I feel the need to jump in to this active vs passive debate. My understanding of an active sentence is that the subject of the sentence is the one taking the action. Therefore, in the sentence she is informed, she is not the one taking the action, she is the one receiving the action and the sentence...