Search found 173 matches

by GeeGee55
April 19th, 2010, 12:52 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: SYMBOLISM - RECOGNIZING & BUILDING
Replies: 16
Views: 6504

SYMBOLISM - RECOGNIZING & BUILDING

I'm working on a short story and wondering about recognizing what is symbolic within the story and how I might build upon that to make the story more meaningful. What steps do you take to recognize the themes running through your work and how to use symbolism to make it stronger?
by GeeGee55
April 17th, 2010, 12:46 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Life of a Suburban Unicorn - Ch1
Replies: 7
Views: 2004

Re: Life of a Suburban Unicorn - Ch1

I feel a little confused about the situation - how come other ppl are living there, looking after EB's horses and she doesn't know why? Not that I want you to tell me, either, I know that must be confusing - Any thoughts on this chapter would be appreciated. :) ----------- Chapter One Elizabeth Bro...
by GeeGee55
April 14th, 2010, 10:35 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: New Approach -- Prologue Critique Please -- YA Fiction
Replies: 10
Views: 2683

Re: Prologue Critique Please -- YA Fiction

Hi, CJ: It's interesting. It's my sense that it begins in the wrong place, see below PROLOGUE A cauldron of blue light churned in the valley sky, casting a watery reflection over the surrounding mountains and a deep shadow over the valley floor. The town residents, tucked into their houses like row...
by GeeGee55
April 14th, 2010, 10:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)
Replies: 14
Views: 3769

Re: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)

Hi, Wallflower: This is my impression: Remy wakes up-cut, not necessary on a park bench with no memory and no identity. In another part of the city, Ash wakes up-cut in an alley with-should it be with or in? the same condition. Neither knows the other exists and the only things they have are a power...
by GeeGee55
April 11th, 2010, 7:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: VALENTINE, New Revision & stuff
Replies: 33
Views: 6945

Re: Query: VALENTINE

This is so very difficult isn't it? Getting the story down to its essence. I feel you leave me to guess at some things that are important. I'm not expert, haven't gotten a positive response to my query yet, but here's my impression. Hope it helps: So, this is mine. Any feedback is greatly appreciat...
by GeeGee55
April 10th, 2010, 6:49 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: DISTILLATION - REVISED AGAIN
Replies: 8
Views: 2349

Re: QUERY: DISTILLATION - REVISED AGAIN

Hi, A: I haven't seen your original attempts, so this is my first impression: Dear Agent: Alice Towne refuses to be like her mother , Josephine, who pines over bad decisions and waits for fate to deal a better hand from the tarot deck.When the man/woman she planned to marry is unfaithful to her, Al...
by GeeGee55
April 3rd, 2010, 10:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Palooka Express Query Letter #2
Replies: 4
Views: 1219

Re: Palooka Express Query Letter #2

Hi Mary-Catherine:' Just a few comments on sentences/flow to improve clarity On Wallace McHardy’s release from drug rehab, he meets Sailor Crownan, a young Mormom woman who offers to share a night of foolhardy festivities with him. Even though Wallace intended to avoid the drug scene, he isn’t ready...
by GeeGee55
March 31st, 2010, 6:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query letter for Too Enchanted; fantasy (here we go again)
Replies: 10
Views: 2459

Re: Query letter for Too Enchanted *second times a charm*

It sounds interesting and funny, a twist on an old classic princess and frog I would recommend that you go through the query not just for getting the plot in an interesting and clear form, but also check for sentence structure and word repetition. That way your writing looks strong to the agent, as...
by GeeGee55
March 31st, 2010, 5:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 7744

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3

This is the query that I sent out to about 20 agents. So far, have received mostly automatic e-mail responses saying the agent contacts only if they are interested, one was a personal response saying though it seemed like a strong project she didn't think it fit with her list of editorial contacts -...
by GeeGee55
March 31st, 2010, 12:41 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Will my MC's name kill my chances?
Replies: 24
Views: 8268

Re: Will my MC's name kill my chances?

I stumbled over it when I first read it, and anything that causes a reader to pause rather than continue to be entranced by the story just isn't the best idea. Perhaps some of the suggestions above might work. That said, I called my MC Gus, not a very pretty name, but not one to give you pause either.
by GeeGee55
March 31st, 2010, 12:20 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page Revision? - SftOS
Replies: 14
Views: 2879

Re: First Page Revision? - SftOS

Hi, So i figured I'd past my first page here for revision and review. Thank you all in advance ... Chapter 1 This reminds me of the opening of Lolita, I think the story really begins below Sincerity. Four taps of the tongue, once around; simple and clean. It was the lesson my grandmother taught me w...
by GeeGee55
March 30th, 2010, 11:50 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 7744

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3

Not really a ghost, she has an experience in which her child's spirit is present and she feels compelled to find her husband and tell him about the experience. And, yes it brings them back together in the end. You have a dirty mind! lol
by GeeGee55
March 30th, 2010, 6:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 7744

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3

This is what happens plotwise: The baby is dead and buried as the book opens. The mother has fallen into a life-threatening depression. Because of their isolation the father, who is barely into his twenties, turns to his animals for companionship and comfort. New neighbours who have two children tak...
by GeeGee55
March 28th, 2010, 11:02 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First 5 pages - MEETING OF THE WATERS
Replies: 11
Views: 3079

Re: First 5 pages - MEETING OF THE WATERS

I clench in my teeth a little shark-shaped voodoo doll - this phrase would read more smoothly as - In my teeth I clench a little shark-shaped voodoo doll - great image
by GeeGee55
March 28th, 2010, 10:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query- Isabella Vampirella (EVIL EDITOR response at end)
Replies: 36
Views: 7371

Re: Query- Isabella Vampirella

I would so buy this book. You've really improved the query. The repetition of this phrase still bothers me, deliberate repetition is good, but there must me some way in such a short piece to say it differently in some places - I think you need it in the first sentence and also, where she discovers ...