Search found 30 matches

by lmitchell
June 5th, 2010, 9:14 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Sample Page, extra eyes needed
Replies: 32
Views: 5246

Re: Sample Page, extra eyes needed

I don't really have a critique, but I would like to offer a comment. I am completely hooked! It is eerie how you address me as the killer and at the same time leave me able to feel the confusion and shock you experience as the victim. I like it. In particular, I enjoy the mood you evoke when you say...
by lmitchell
June 5th, 2010, 2:05 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Replies: 30
Views: 6078

First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated

After reading many of the excerpts in this forum, I'm often left with that I'm-not-worthy-to-circle-your-typos kinda feeling. (But I'll be brave and post.) This is the first page of a YA manuscript I'm writing. If I had to do a one-sentence summary it would be: A teenage girl grieves her best friend...
by lmitchell
June 5th, 2010, 1:36 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First few Paragraphs YA suspense - Black Horse -Working Titl
Replies: 6
Views: 1328

Re: First few Paragraphs YA suspense - Black Horse -Working Titl

I like it. Good hook.

Like others have already mentioned, I'm also not a huge fan of your first sentence. I would strike it and begin with your second sentence.

You have me wanting more!
by lmitchell
June 3rd, 2010, 5:58 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: When A Book Becomes a Liar
Replies: 14
Views: 2347

Re: When A Book Becomes a Liar

For me, reading a lying narrator would be like having a close friend who is OCD to the extreme. I might adore the person, but if I spent too much time with them it would annoy the crap out of me.
by lmitchell
May 15th, 2010, 5:55 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: What are you reading now?
Replies: 522
Views: 169292

Re: What are you reading now?

I'm rereading through all the Austen books right now. I just finished "Pride and Prejudice."

Also, I'm rereading "Paper Towns" by John Green. *I bow at the wonderful, creative awesomeness that is John Green.*
by lmitchell
May 15th, 2010, 5:43 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Man Who Did Too Much scene 2 - mystery
Replies: 9
Views: 2043

Re: The Man Who Did Too Much scene 2 - mystery

I read this section stand-alone. I'll read scene 1 as soon as I get the chance. :)
by lmitchell
May 14th, 2010, 12:29 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Short excerpt from current literary fiction book
Replies: 4
Views: 1360

Re: Short excerpt from current literary fiction book

The urge to shake her nearly overtook Tim as he listened to her lies. He knew she intended to make his writing public in some attempt to embarrass him, likely some convuluted plot of her hippie parents. The best way to beat dirty hippies though, was not to get dirty yourself. Dialogue would be great...
by lmitchell
May 14th, 2010, 11:30 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Man Who Did Too Much scene 2 - mystery
Replies: 9
Views: 2043

Re: The Man Who Did Too Much scene 2 - mystery

I don't read mystery...ever. Until now. You pulled me right in. Nice. :)
by lmitchell
May 10th, 2010, 3:28 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: New Approach -- Prologue Critique Please -- YA Fiction
Replies: 10
Views: 2201

Re: New Approach -- Prologue Critique Please -- YA Fiction

Ceril read the program cover while the armed UN Peacekeeper checked his credentials. He’d never been so close to a real machine gun—it was a bit unnerving. A second guard stood by the entrance wearing the same, baby blue beret. He tapped the muzzle of his gun on the door, allowing Ceril into the aud...
by lmitchell
May 10th, 2010, 2:55 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 43589

Re: Share your opening sentence!

The whole freakin' thing exploded.
by lmitchell
February 20th, 2010, 11:49 am
Forum: Books
Topic: TWILIGHT - thoughts?
Replies: 107
Views: 26712

Re: TWILIGHT - thoughts?

Hi lmitchell Whoops!! So sorry I completely mucked up using the 'quote as a reply' thing. I am clearly a novice at this so sorry. Didn't mean to make it look like I am commenting on my own comments when I was clearly trying to respond to yours! I hope this makes sense? Hi Leila, No prob. :) You are...
by lmitchell
February 20th, 2010, 11:41 am
Forum: Books
Topic: TWILIGHT - thoughts?
Replies: 107
Views: 26712

Re: TWILIGHT - thoughts?

Let me preface my opinion with a confession. I am a Twi-freak. No, seriously. I have read through the entire series of books at least seven times. Do I think they are literary genius? No. Do I see the repetitiveness? Yes. Wordiness? Yes. Sugar-coated gag reflex worthy sappiness? Sure. But I am STIL...
by lmitchell
February 20th, 2010, 1:15 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 43589

Re: Share your opening sentence!

1973. The year of disco: Afro wigs, platform heels and strobe lights. This is my opening sentence for my romantic comedy novel called 'Jackpot.' Love it. Your opener set the mood instantly. Here is mine: "I was convinced it was a standoff with the devil himself, only this fiend was clad in a corset...
by lmitchell
February 20th, 2010, 12:58 am
Forum: Books
Topic: TWILIGHT - thoughts?
Replies: 107
Views: 26712

Re: TWILIGHT - thoughts?

Hi all c) Why label it 'craptastic' if you admit to being sucked into the vortex, taken along for the ride etc. Doesn't that mean the writer found a way to engage even the most hardened of those who read the books? I would be very interested to hear people's views on this. Thanks Excellent point an...
by lmitchell
February 19th, 2010, 6:42 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: TWILIGHT - thoughts?
Replies: 107
Views: 26712

Re: TWILIGHT - thoughts?

Let me preface my opinion with a confession. I am a Twi-freak. No, seriously. I have read through the entire series of books at least seven times. Do I think they are literary genius? No. Do I see the repetitiveness? Yes. Wordiness? Yes. Sugar-coated gag reflex worthy sappiness? Sure. But I am STILL...