Search found 27 matches

by danielsmi
March 11th, 2010, 4:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 3629

Re: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5

Oh I do love feedback!!! Missing the forest through the trees becomes so easy when you are stirring word stew and golly do those modifiers begin to creep in. Can you tell my latest project is a thriller? Some of the 'edge of your seat' writing is accidentally influencing everything else I touch. Eve...
by danielsmi
March 10th, 2010, 4:29 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 6742

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3

[quote="GeeGee55"]THIS IS THE NEWEST REVISION, #3 - do not scroll down Dear Agent: In the spring of 1938, a baby boy dies in a remote farm home in drought-stricken northern Saskatchewan. His father, Gus, immerses himself in his daily chores, caring for his beloved horses, worrying (worrying, distrac...
by danielsmi
March 10th, 2010, 4:18 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 3629

Re: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 3

Revision 4 Ok, so I stepped away for a bit for clarity. Having digested the critiques (thank you so much for the feedback) I am submitting a new revision. It's time to reload the query cart as it has been a week or two since the last set of rejections. Ideally this will be sent out in the next roun...
by danielsmi
February 25th, 2010, 12:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 6742

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #1

REVISION #1 My sister remarked to me that after so many versions, the query must feel like word hash. Yes. Yes, it does. Exactly, in my last revisions I began to lose sense of grammar and subject, forgetting I had edited away related clauses Is this version any better? (Just for those of you who wo...
by danielsmi
February 25th, 2010, 12:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 3629

Re: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 3

Revision 3 Dear Ms. Agent, Abby Bellen is an art curator at one of the world’s premier museums and has a happy full life in the city. But when her cousin calls tell her that her father Will needs help Abby must reluctantly return to Lake Forrest to fulfill the promise to her mother to look after th...
by danielsmi
February 25th, 2010, 12:08 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 3629

Re: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 2

GeeGee55 - Great suggestion, and yes I have played with that exercise. Ironically the query started short and sweet with; Abby Bellen is an art curator at one of the world’s premier museums and has a happy full life in the city. But when her cousin calls tell her that her father Will needs help Abby...
by danielsmi
February 24th, 2010, 8:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 3629

Re: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 2

No need to duck JD, your feedback is more than welcome and I incorporated your input in the latest revision so please take a look. Regardless of genre, the query should be understandable and enticing enough for an agent to want to read more. I just mentioned the genre thing alleviate confusion thoug...
by danielsmi
February 24th, 2010, 3:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 3629

Re: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 1

Revision 2 Feedback is fun, but I have to say it is also conflicting. Still I am yet to get a positive note from an agent so if someone thinks there is a problem I must concur, after all I am not writing for myself anymore. So here is yet another approach with some info back in that was suggested t...
by danielsmi
February 23rd, 2010, 1:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 3629

Re: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 1

Revision 1 OK - Thank you so much for the feedback. This is actually several revisions of a new take on the query. I have ditched the subplot of the romance with Mitch to alleviate confusion (though it is a rather big subplot) and focused on the main plot. Not sure how 'hookish' it is, but I think ...
by danielsmi
February 19th, 2010, 9:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 3629

Re: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter

Thank you CC and Jessica for the feedback, your perspective pulled me out of my cave. Playing with revisions the last couple days, I now am trying a new angle. This query (as you can imagine) evolved from many. Mainstream hooks are tough. I was taking the advice (query shark #131) that a query must ...
by danielsmi
February 16th, 2010, 4:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bad Query or Bad Story - How to Tell?
Replies: 6
Views: 1412

Re: Bad Query or Bad Story - How to Tell?

That is an excellent question, and one that has been so forward in my mind that I my new project is genre rather than mainstream. With the rejections and competition I can not help but think that story ideas need to look like the next media blockbuster so that prospective agents can see the possibil...
by danielsmi
February 16th, 2010, 2:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5
Replies: 26
Views: 3629

Query Critique - The Potter's Daughter - Revision 5

*Please go to the end of the thread to see Revision 5* I have withheld comment from the other critiques because I have yet to get a request for even a partial. Out of 25 queries I have received 12 rejections. I have been following the Blog and comments for almost a year and think it is time I look ...