Search found 7 matches

by snlemon
February 13th, 2010, 10:08 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Wanted: Chosen One, Now Hiring (Fantasy) [REVISED]
Replies: 6
Views: 1443

Re: Query - Wanted: Chosen One, Now Hiring (Fantasy)

sorry, I didn't mean to offend you at all. I couldn't type your name without scrolling back and forth several times to get the spelling right. I wasn't trying to say your query is not intresting, I was trying to say...it doesn't matter if it's the most riveting material in the world, you're loosing ...
by snlemon
February 12th, 2010, 11:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Fiction Query: No *good* title yet.
Replies: 3
Views: 977

YA Fiction Query: No *good* title yet.

I've been working on this for days and it's giving me a headache and wrinkles. :) Feel free to rip it to shreds! Sixteen year old Lily would rather goof off with her best friend Riley, while the rest of the girl world just seems interested in getting his attention. She doesn’t need a tan and lying o...
by snlemon
February 12th, 2010, 11:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Please Help
Replies: 8
Views: 1703

Re: Query - Please Help

Much better than your first one!! That being said, you're still telling me a lot of things that you should be showing me. What does Nina want most of all? Is it Sebastian or is it something bigger than that? Is the main conflict just the meddling church lady (those can be quite bothersome) or is som...
by snlemon
February 12th, 2010, 11:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Letter: You Dear, Sweet Man
Replies: 4
Views: 882

Re: Query Letter: You Dear, Sweet Man

I started doing a line by line and then got overwhelmed with the plot. I'm not even sure who your MC is?? Is it Charles or Megan/Samanatha? What does he/she's want most of all? What do they have to do to get it? What is at stake for them? You are telling me a lot in this but you aren't showing me wh...
by snlemon
February 12th, 2010, 11:32 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Too Enchanted *getting closer*
Replies: 19
Views: 3571

Re: Query: Too Enchanted

try using your first query (which answers those very important questions) but expanding it into five sentances. One for set up, three for conflict and one for ending. Or you know, around about that number of sentances. :) I like this idea...but out of both queries the thing that inrests me the most ...
by snlemon
February 12th, 2010, 11:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Wanted: Chosen One, Now Hiring (Fantasy) [REVISED]
Replies: 6
Views: 1443

Re: Query - Wanted: Chosen One, Now Hiring (Fantasy)

This is, IMO, to long and the first line makes my eyes glaze over immediately. I honestly can't even get past bbasbabsbaASSDS without wanting to click the backspace. What might help you pare this down is to cover what your MC really wants, what is preventing him from getting it and what he stands to...
by snlemon
February 12th, 2010, 11:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Revised Turning Red Query up for critique
Replies: 8
Views: 1650

Re: Query up for critique

you need to show us what Betty wants, what is preventing her from getting and it, what is at stake if she doesn't manage to get it... Right now you're dropping a lot of loose ends into our laps....florist? right to life? missing uncle? red headed legion? None of those are connecting. I'm assuming th...