Search found 7 matches

by MaryAnn
February 12th, 2010, 5:25 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Excerpt: Through Fire and Ice
Replies: 2
Views: 1056

Re: Excerpt: Through Fire and Ice

"Great, just absolutely wonderful!" is not coming across as you mean it too. Ironically. Since this is not written in first person, maybe you should add a line like, "Great, Just absolutely wonderful!" Thought Jana Darren with annoyance as she rushed up the stairs." Explanation as to which branch, i...
by MaryAnn
February 12th, 2010, 4:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: The Land of Imagining
Replies: 8
Views: 1667

Re: QUERY: The Land of Imagining

I loved the query and the plot until, "...Alexa isn't human..." I liked the idea until then. In my opinion it seems like nobody is human anymore and everyone is fighting a demon or a vampire. Again, writing a story about a mystical land of imagining blighted by evil sounded great until, "...Alexa is...
by MaryAnn
February 12th, 2010, 4:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Thriller Query (Genre, that is). Open to Suggestions!
Replies: 18
Views: 3438

Re: Thriller Query (Genre, that is). Open to Suggestions!

I'm sure it is very well written, but when I read your query I felt like I'd already read the book before.
by MaryAnn
February 12th, 2010, 4:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Dragon
Replies: 37
Views: 5517

Re: QUERY: THE LAST DRAGON

You had me until the last line, "...but by night he accompanies Nadine as the Last Dragon." Sounds like Prince Kellan is with his father and that both are far away from Nadine. How does Prince Kellan transform into the dragon and arrive at her side by evening? Which half is human? Assuming it's the ...
by MaryAnn
February 12th, 2010, 3:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-- Scatter (Lit. Fic)
Replies: 27
Views: 4836

Re: Query-- Scatter (Lit. Fic)

You need to date this somehow. If this is the present, it will be hard to sell that they will be "crucified" once found out. Then on the other hand, it is high school. But in 2010?? Sounds like a Contemporary Young Adult novel. Are you sending to the Agents who represent this kind of novel? Cal soun...
by MaryAnn
February 12th, 2010, 3:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Penumbra (1 Revision)
Replies: 10
Views: 2148

Re: QUERY: Penumbra

How is it possible that his mother raised him one way and his father raised him another? Why did he follow the father's path and not the mother's? Wouldn't expect a complete explanation within the query, but might consider rewording so the question isn't even asked or thought of. This sounds almost ...
by MaryAnn
February 12th, 2010, 3:12 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Excerpt: Under a Dead Moon
Replies: 7
Views: 1853

Re: Excerpt: Under a Dead Moon

Very good, but lacks warmth. Maybe a little too fast paced. Maybe. Who am I to say--some other reader might think the pacing is great. I finished with a feeling of disconnection with the main character and no interest in what she did next. No offense. Really, that's my opinion. Don't change based on...