Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Neither knows the other exists, but their parallel journeys --ok--here, I could use a very brief para about the challenges they face. If you skip straight to "the final confrontation", I feel like I haven't gotten enough of what actually happens. I do like the simple ways you've laid out ...

All Catriona O’neil wants is to fit in that's all any girl wants to do, it's cliche, isn't there anything else she wants out of life? Does she want to win the spelling bee? Does she want to go to college? Does she want to make a really neat manga? , but she lives the life of a nomad. By the time Ca...

All right, try this on. This one is less synopsis-y: The world of the future is a harsh place. Even harsher for Remy and Ash. They're brothers. They wake up in separate parts of a metropolis and have no memory. Remy wakes up on a park bench with some pills, a sweater, and a strange gun. He knows th...

Sixteen-year-old Chris Drake and his best friend, Yvonne, are dragon slayers for the Denver branch of the Fraternity of Wyrm Fiends. Days after their first kill, a dragon named Tiraenar abducts Yvonne and gives Chris thirty days to track down his partner before she’s turned into a virgin sacrifice....

*Revised query below (revised 9/8/10) I haven't had any luck with my latest query, which has been around the horn a few times on this forum. So I figure I'd put it under the spotlight one more time, see if I'm missing something. Remy and Ash have no memory and no identity. They are wandering around...

Jonathan Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Arrested and convicted for murder, Blair trades his death sentence for a job as a bounty hunter to bring in—dead or alive—the members of his former gang. Now he has two weeks left to find the last man or face execution instead of a pardon. The...

If not for the handicap of being only twelve years old, Brock Rockster would be the man’s man to end all men’s men. Brock is daring. He’s quick-witted. He’s adored by the media. He’s a prodigious world champion mustache grower. And until this afternoon, when he falsely accused a popular politician ...

Valinda only remembers life as a vicesteed, living in a theme park of depravity where her experiences are broadcast to a discerning audience. One of her scripted experiences goes wrong, leaving the other vicesteed severely injured. During the routine clinic visit afterwards, she overhears a plan to...

When Vitara tries to stop a wizard from killing a friend, the wizard relinquishes him. But magically lays claim to Vitara’s life instead. The wizard gives Vitara one month before he’ll return to suck the life force out of his body, to continue his own immortality. -the wizard "relinquishes&quo...

Nayla Ebriony is born a deviation in a world where magicians rule and powerless Yeeods are sent to concentration camps. -This sentence contains 2 ideas. Nayla's a deviation. Yeeods are sent to concentration camps. Separate them. -Not really an effective way to begin a query. It seems you're trying ...

As a Massage Therapist, Meg O’Brien is in the business of making people feel good. So why did someone rig her staircase, hoping she would plunge to her death? This, and more menacing incidents, leaves Meg as nervous as a bagpiper in a windstorm. -Massage therapist is not capitalized. -rig is a bad ...

Nicholas Benson never meant to kill anyone. At the age of thirteen, he sparks a lightning storm to defend himself from a schoolyard bully. Unable to control his power, and terrified of hurting anyone else, he agrees to let his parents send him to the city of Lottown to train at the Magi Academy. On...

Sixteen year old Sydney Hart discovers her family is alive when she is reunited with her brother. Using his unique abilities the siblings return to the dimension of Barathio, where they were born. And their parents are still missing. Now they find Barathio’s evil ruler Ze’el wants nothing less than...

Jav Holson is one of the Viscain Empire's super-powered, elite Shades. But not for long. His Artifact was never meant to last and it's already showing signs of deterioration--when it goes, so does he. -You need to explain what Shades are. Super-powered and elite isn't enough. You should say somethi...

In an attempt to avoid any more scandals in a politically unstable kingdom, the king secretly hires a courtesan to occupy his wild son. Prince Anton, known for his drinking and indiscriminate sex with courtiers, falls harder for Katya (who he believes is merely a servant girl) than anyone expected ...