Search found 16 matches

by Sea
August 25th, 2010, 12:30 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Prologue to Romantic Comedy Adventure
Replies: 19
Views: 3884

Re: Prologue to Romantic Comedy Adventure

Hi Nick B Just found this thread I'm a big Evanovich reader but that's it. I have to admit, I'm pretty narrow in my tastes and I definitely lean towards light and fluffy. However, if Evanovich is kind of feel you're going for, I might be able to help. My first thought is: Do you have a blurb? Becaus...
by Sea
July 27th, 2010, 10:45 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 283016

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: Naughty Gnomes Genre: Romantic Comedy Word Count: 247 When a plate shatters, it makes a loud crashing noise, but when a heart breaks, there is only silence. Oh, and sometimes there’s piteous wailing, hysterical sobbing, and a series of embarrassing phone messages left on your ex’s answering m...
by Sea
July 23rd, 2010, 3:21 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Naughty Gnomes - Romantic Comedy - Polished for Querying
Replies: 12
Views: 2505

Re: Naughty Gnomes - Romantic Comedy - Polished for Querying

Hi Everyone. I decided to send the first three chapters directly instead of posting it all here, so if anyone else was hoping to read more, please let me know. Thanks
by Sea
July 14th, 2010, 10:09 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Naughty Gnomes - Romantic Comedy - Polished for Querying
Replies: 12
Views: 2505

Re: Naughty Gnomes - Romantic Comedy - Polished for Querying

Hey thanks NickB - that was definitely helpful thank you. And welcome to offering your two-cents :) Send me a direct message when you post something and I'll be sure to check it out. I know there aren't heaps of romance readers hanging out in these parts, probably because NB isn't really a romance l...
by Sea
July 12th, 2010, 1:43 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: TOUR BUS TO MEXICO, 1982 - short story excerpt
Replies: 7
Views: 1601

Re: TOUR BUS TO MEXICO - short story

Hi. I think you've got some really good descriptions and details here, that make me picture what is happening (always a good thing!) and some of them show an interesting and unique voice too. For example 'clumsy bus', 'shy smile on the face of a plain girl', 'occasionally turning the new gold ring o...
by Sea
July 9th, 2010, 11:09 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Naughty Gnomes - Romantic Comedy - Polished for Querying
Replies: 12
Views: 2505

Re: Naughty Gnomes - Romantic Comedy - Polished for Querying

Thanks J.T. Shea and Wilderness for taking the time and effort to read and write it. It is just so nice to have some feedback from people who write and read on a regular basis :) It's interesting how everyone reads each sentence differently, like the double flashback. I've been reluctant to put it i...
by Sea
July 9th, 2010, 9:58 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Naughty Gnomes - Romantic Comedy - Polished for Querying
Replies: 12
Views: 2505

Re: Naughty Gnomes - Romantic Comedy - Polished for Querying

Hi Deja Thanks for the feedback. I would most definitely love to hear the rest of your thoughts as well if you can spare the time! I have edited my post to explain that this is the beginning of the novel, but still only about a third into the first chapter (if you want to read more, just say the wor...
by Sea
July 9th, 2010, 1:05 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Naughty Gnomes - Romantic Comedy - Polished for Querying
Replies: 12
Views: 2505

Naughty Gnomes - Romantic Comedy - Polished for Querying

Hi everyone. I am getting very close to sending off my novel to a few literary agents, so this is supposed to be a final, polished piece. Please critique accordingly. I'm interested in everything from proofing to general thoughts and specific issues. Thank you! Just to clarify any confusion - this i...
by Sea
July 9th, 2010, 12:57 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Dream Walker-Chapter One
Replies: 7
Views: 1822

Re: Dream Walker-Chapter One

I agree that Kendra seems quite realistic, which is definitely a good thing! And I am left wondering both why she is like she is, and how she is going to deal with it. I also wonder why Maria is hanging around, though if this is left unexplained too long, I might find it unbelievable. Aside from wor...
by Sea
June 25th, 2010, 5:45 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Something's wrong... Help please. [new version]
Replies: 10
Views: 1901

Re: Something's wrong... I can't find it. Help please.

Hi Blanche I'd be interested in seeing the query letter you're sending. Are you getting requests for fulls after the query letter, or do they request the first 3 chapters and then fulls? Because it seems like if they're asking for the first three chapters first, and still requesting fulls, we're pro...
by Sea
February 16th, 2010, 10:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Naughty Gnomes Query Letter - Romantic Comedy
Replies: 7
Views: 1284

Re: Naughty Gnomes Query Letter - Romantic Comedy

Thanks Lunette22 and CC13 Is this better then? (I wasn't entirely sure what you meant be 'lead with the synopsis') Updated Query Letter Josie Stephenson is not just accident prone - she is stalked by disaster. Which is why she works in a morgue, where she can’t really hurt anyone. Yet her misfortune...
by Sea
February 16th, 2010, 9:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Dragon
Replies: 37
Views: 5512

Re: QUERY: THE LAST DRAGON (YA-Fantasy)

LATEST QUERY DRAFT _________________ Most girls dream of becoming a princess, but seventeen-year-old Nadine is not most girls. When King Joseph announces at the annual Embers Ball that she has been chosen to marry his son Kellan, the ruthless and arrogant Prince of Embero, she does the one thing on...
by Sea
February 16th, 2010, 9:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Naughty Gnomes Query Letter - Romantic Comedy
Replies: 7
Views: 1284

Naughty Gnomes Query Letter - Romantic Comedy

I would love to hear your feedback! Thank you so much for your time. **** Naughty Gnomes is a finished, contemporary romantic comedy of 80,000 words, set in a large rural town in Australia. Beginning in a bush, and spending an unusual length of time in a morgue, this first person narrative tumbles a...
by Sea
February 16th, 2010, 9:08 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First 2 pages - YA
Replies: 15
Views: 3111

Re: First 2 pages - YA

I think it's a great start. The voice in the first few paragraphs is highly appealing. I agree with a lot of what has been said though - I'd cut the first sentence, take out some of the details where she's in a hurry - like others I start skim reading there, and I would definitely leave the vision i...
by Sea
February 12th, 2010, 10:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query-- Scatter (Lit. Fic)
Replies: 27
Views: 4828

Re: Query-- Scatter (Lit. Fic)

I think your original is better too, and chances are you are just over-fretting it. I will start by saying this is not a genre I would generally read, but I'll have a go. Also, I don't know all the details here, like physical descriptions etc, so I'm making them up, just to give you the picture The ...