Search found 13 matches

by henyad
August 31st, 2010, 8:46 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Critique partner wanted
Replies: 3
Views: 1379

Re: Critique partner wanted

NS, Let me know if you are still looking for a partner.
My in progress second novel is also a thriller with a romantic twist.
by henyad
June 9th, 2010, 8:04 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 278745

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: Black Diamonds Genre: Women’s Literary Fiction (237 words) They had just finished eating an uncomfortable brunch on a Sunday afternoon at Samie’s Deli in West Hollywood. “You young people!” Sofie’s father said, pointing his finger at Jamie. “You think life is a joke. What do you have to show ...
by henyad
March 12th, 2010, 7:08 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!
Replies: 24
Views: 3544

Re: Does this opening hook you? *Jelly Beans for replies!

Vitiosus calmed his breathing as he was escorted out into the centre of the village square by a few guards dressed in midnight black armor. He had to look cool, unemotional. The mail that protected his chest clattered slightly as he walked and he felt his father’s glare burned into his back. He had ...
by henyad
March 12th, 2010, 6:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: A BROKEN MIRROR -- new query
Replies: 15
Views: 2549

Re: A BROKEN MIRROR -- new query

It was one of those days , one of those days where not a single expectation could be met. That was what started it all. An argument with Jamie escalated into all of this. first, not a good idea to repeat yourself. second, I'm not hooked. What does "all of this" mean? The first paragraph tells me not...
by henyad
March 12th, 2010, 6:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - "Tribal New Begining"
Replies: 6
Views: 1378

Re: Query - "Tribal New Begining"

Back from a six month trip, Terra, a world traveling cross-cultural journalist living in Vermont, receives a letter to spend the winter collecting stories at a Native American village in Arizona, she cannot refuse. Terra thinks this simple assignment will be appreciated by her editors and funders. T...
by henyad
March 12th, 2010, 6:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 5821

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3

Consider opening your query with a strong hook. The way you have it now, the sentences are cumbersome. I don't think we need to know everything right of the bat. The following is my suggestion: Gus immerses himself in his daily chores. The one thing he can't allow himself to think about is his son's...
by henyad
March 5th, 2010, 6:54 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 40114

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Sure, why not? "Hailey stood motionless in a dark, humid place, having no clue where she was or how she got there: Hailey was simply just there." Oh yeah, it also plays into my ongoing theme of the novel's flow mimicking the stages of life. i suggest you cut out "Haily was simply just there." It is...
by henyad
March 5th, 2010, 6:50 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 40114

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Yea! First post. Anyway, I'm kind of hating it right now, but here it is. "At the end of a very short lane sits a very large house with far too many windows and hardly any doors. " Shorten the sentence. i suggest you cut out the "very" and the "far" and what does "hardly" mean? 2 doors? one door? H...
by henyad
March 5th, 2010, 6:48 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 40114

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Eric wrote:I wanted a beer.
Short and to the point. Has a lot of promise.
by henyad
March 5th, 2010, 6:46 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 40114

Re: Share your opening sentence!

Okay, so this first sentence is from book #1: Sofie. Sofie’s parents. (hmmmm...it does get better. I promise.) ...And this is from book @2: The night before Lizzie had to be at the warehouse in Newark, New Jersey at seven o’clock sharp to pick up a load of expensive wine bound for Las Vegas, she beg...
by henyad
March 5th, 2010, 6:39 pm
Forum: Social Media and Book Promotion
Topic: Do you have a new blog post?
Replies: 2688
Views: 328352

Re: Do you have a new blog post?

Blogs intimidate me. What if I say something wrong? What if I make a mistake...a stupid one? Surely everyone will laugh at me. I just know it. I think on my blog I have a total of four and I've had the blog forever. Nothing smart to say. I should write about nats (sp?)...they're all around me in a h...
by henyad
February 11th, 2010, 7:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: The Land of Imagining
Replies: 8
Views: 1615

Re: QUERY: The Land of Imagining

Dear [insert agent's name]: I am seeking representation for my 80,000 word fantasy young adult novel, THE LAND OF IMAGINING. Good first line. You have the word count, genre, and title. Simple and to the point. Alexia thinks she’s just an ordinary girl with a lofty goal – to become a best-selling nov...
by henyad
February 11th, 2010, 6:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: rip my first query to shreads!!
Replies: 6
Views: 1191

Re: rip my first query to shreads!!

Dear Agent, After playing a part in a planned robbery that had gone insanely wrong, seventeen year old Lydia ran off to a small city in British Columbia, where she hoped to heal her painful wounds, and forgive herself for what she had done. Finding residents in an old medicine man’s shack, Lydia dis...