Search found 139 matches

by Serzen
July 16th, 2010, 9:11 am
Forum: Social Media and Book Promotion
Topic: Do you have a new blog post?
Replies: 2688
Views: 339531

Re: Do you have a new blog post?

I opened my blog today, saw that I hadn't opened it in two months, that the end of "The Professional" never got posted. I posted the conclusion. Very not good at blogging, I think. Any thoughts on magic? Aliester Crowley, 'nuff said. For a depraved, deviant, disturbed drug addict, the "Wickedest Man...
by Serzen
July 8th, 2010, 2:55 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
Replies: 30
Views: 5777

Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated

A single space after the period is common to see in print, but two spaces are usually seen on raw material. It's easier to read, for one. Newspapers, magazines, books, all of those have limited space, and so must fill as much of it as possible with material so as not to waste any space. Newspaper he...
by Serzen
June 24th, 2010, 11:47 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Flash Fiction: THE STRAIN
Replies: 5
Views: 1103

Re: Flash Fiction: THE STRAIN

Generally, I like what I've read. I'll second a previous comment about "lugged" being a bad word choice, but respectfully disagree about "circled" being one. To this reader, "circled" was perfectly clear. That said, there are punctuation issues--quite a few of them early on, but declining as the nar...
by Serzen
June 22nd, 2010, 12:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - crime/police fiction
Replies: 32
Views: 5238

Re: QUERY - crime/police fiction

bigheadx, Significant improvement. I'm not going to embark on any line-by-line editing, but I'll comment inline about a couple of things. September, 1970.  A prominent Las Vegas club owner turns up dead in a casino parking lot and outcast Sheriff’s Detective Heber Parkins is mysteriously handed the ...
by Serzen
June 13th, 2010, 12:20 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Last Highway (working title)-Page 1
Replies: 17
Views: 3472

Re: The Last Highway (working title)-Page 1

Gina, I think you've done a good job of condensing the material, and of finding the story that's buried in there, but you're still suffering from a lack of agreement in tenses in several places. I think that some of it must stem from a desire to impart immediacy, but, instead, it's tending to jar me...
by Serzen
June 10th, 2010, 11:47 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery
Replies: 38
Views: 5540

Re: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery

Thanks, Quill. Ghost: I'm a-feared I'll be keeping the commas for tempo. Particularly in the area you cite, they're used as much to create the feel of self-doubt as they are to simply establish tempo. For my final sentence, I think I've settled on "When it does, the pieces will never again recreate ...
by Serzen
June 10th, 2010, 11:42 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Replies: 28
Views: 4351

Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters

Hi Serzen! Thanks for stopping by. Yes the first paragraph is problematic and I agree, "harnessing Jodie's ESP" is a weak spot. I might just leave that phrase out. Must ponder it a while. Here's my new first paragraph: After twenty years of monitoring psychics, FBI Agent William DeAngelis has a hig...
by Serzen
June 9th, 2010, 12:22 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery
Replies: 38
Views: 5540

Re: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery

Hrm, so, here's my newest. I really like this a lot better than just about any of them. My fave is still the "rivers" edition, but this, I think, is the best mainstream rendition. ================= BROKEN MIRROR is a 45,500 word work of literary fiction. Thematically similar to Charlotte Perkins Gil...
by Serzen
June 7th, 2010, 6:18 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Full Micro-Fiction Piece
Replies: 6
Views: 1182

Re: Full Micro-Fiction Piece

A nice piece. Needs a little editing, but nicely done. I'm not going to edit here, but comment. In your second paragraph, I my mind wants to substitute "streamlined," regardless of what my eyes say. In the next sentence, you could set the frame of mind of the narrator a little earlier by using the m...
by Serzen
June 7th, 2010, 11:35 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Replies: 28
Views: 4351

Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters

Hey, Ghost, this is pretty good, but I think it can be better. Your final three paragraphs are in a consistent style, but the first doesn't match them. You're starting to get to the style by the third sentence, but I think you'd be better served starting there. Backed into a corner and forced to mak...
by Serzen
June 7th, 2010, 1:07 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Last Highway (working title)-Page 1
Replies: 17
Views: 3472

Re: The Last Highway (working title)-Page 1

Gina, At this point, the genre seems to be undefined. It could be horror, or modern (some say urban) fantasy, but not enough detail yet to pinpoint anything. Which is not a bad thing. It's clear you're feeling your way through what's going on, so it might yet come to you. For general feedback, allow...
by Serzen
June 6th, 2010, 12:27 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Sample Page, extra eyes needed
Replies: 32
Views: 5070

Re: Sample Page, extra eyes needed

Thank you, both, for the praise. It's humbling to think that I'm reaching people with this. When I go to the point where I was writing the chapter this thread is dedicated to, I had changed my ideas about how to write the book. I started with the simple goal of writing something that would, hopefull...
by Serzen
June 6th, 2010, 12:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery
Replies: 38
Views: 5540

Re: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery

Ghost and bcomet, Thanks for looking at the last one and giving your thoughts. I've been up to my eyeballs in work and family recently, so I haven't reviewed the letter yet, but, as always, I find value in your comments. I felt, during the drafting, that things were getting to name-dropping, but had...
by Serzen
May 28th, 2010, 1:08 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery
Replies: 38
Views: 5540

Re: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery

I've had a number of things on my plate recently, but I've been thinking about those people who've said they had a difficult time imagining the second person. So I thought I might play with it again. The below is simply the body of the letter. Descriptors have been thoroughly hashed out, I think. ==...
by Serzen
May 24th, 2010, 5:44 pm
Forum: Self-Publishing
Topic: Signing in Waldenbooks
Replies: 4
Views: 2250

Signing in Waldenbooks

Parnell Hall and a mystery writer's lament.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZoJ5OKm ... r_embedded