Search found 28 matches

by Kirril
August 16th, 2010, 4:02 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 278676

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: On The Corner of Here and After Genre: YA Paranormal 251 words Life pulled the plug on humans at two on a Sunday afternoon. At first I didn't realize I was dead. The event happened so suddenly that I'll bet it caught everyone off guard. I remembered looking down at the law school application ...
by Kirril
August 16th, 2010, 3:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS
Replies: 24
Views: 3700

Re: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS

HERE ARE THE LATEST VERSIONS Welp, it's been a little while, but I'm back. Real Life (tm) has a way of disrupting my writing life. I've come up with some new titles and thought I'd toss 'em out to see what you guys think. The original, of course, is GHOSTS vs ALIENS which hasn't received too many f...
by Kirril
June 2nd, 2010, 12:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS
Replies: 24
Views: 3700

Re: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS

Thanks, GiTM! My universe follows different laws as do most paranormal/urban fantasy books, so "ghosts" in this sense are different than the classical definition. They're not bound to haunt the place of their death or anything like that and in fact are finding just as many mysteries in the afterlife...
by Kirril
May 22nd, 2010, 1:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS
Replies: 24
Views: 3700

Re: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS

Thanks for all the input!! I tweaked the original a little trying to de-confuse the confusing parts. So here goes! The day humanity died sucked for Lucy. No high school graduation, no prom, and forget law school. But Lucy's never taken anything lying down even if, technically, her dead body is slump...
by Kirril
May 21st, 2010, 4:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS
Replies: 24
Views: 3700

Re: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS

Jade, your point is well made regarding the title. I had actually changed it to GHOSTS AND ALIENS at one point but never could get the whole Versus thing out of my head. You know how those things get stuck up in there right? BigHead, they do see other ghosts from times past, but not much. I have rea...
by Kirril
May 21st, 2010, 12:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 5820

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3

I read through the entire post including the various revisions. The last one you posted seems stronger than the rest. I think you need to start with the protag in the first sentence, not the baby boy. How about something like: In the spring of 1938, Gus loses his baby boy to death, his wife to depre...
by Kirril
May 21st, 2010, 11:48 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION
Replies: 45
Views: 7283

Re: SF Query: THE ARTIFACT COMPETITION

Jav Holson is one of the Viscain Empire's elite soldiers, given immense power by the Emperor's gift of an Artifact. But his Artifact, the Ritual Mask, was never meant to last, and when it fails, Jav is a dead man. Unless, that is, he can win a new, permanent Artifact in a competition to be held in ...
by Kirril
May 21st, 2010, 11:23 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS
Replies: 24
Views: 3700

Re: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS

Thanks guys! Living creatures refers to all non-human life on earth. The humans are dead. All of them. (Well except one, but shhh! Secret.) The remnants of human civilization would be buildings, dead bodies, etc. Apparently I didn't do a very good job of clarifying the situation, so I'll need to spr...
by Kirril
May 19th, 2010, 4:32 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS
Replies: 24
Views: 3700

Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS

Hi all! I've contributed to these forums off and on for a while, so if you take a gander, I'll be sure to return the favor. LATEST VERSION IS ON PAGE 2 WITH A BANNER WRITTEN IN FIRE ENGINE RED AND THE POSSIBILITY OF FREE CUPCAKES! Dear Agent: The day everyone died sucked for Lucy. No high school gra...
by Kirril
May 19th, 2010, 4:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Super Incredible Pre-Agent Tester!
Replies: 29
Views: 4997

Re: The Super Incredible Pre-Agent Tester!

1) Yes
2) Form rejection

The query is long and rambles a bit so it took a couple of reads to get plot. You could probably condense it quite a bit and maybe start with the Mayans still being around bit.
by Kirril
May 19th, 2010, 4:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery
Replies: 38
Views: 5359

Re: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery

BROKEN MIRROR is a 45,500 word work of literary fiction. Thematically similar to Charlotte Perkins Gilman's "The Yellow Wallpaper," it uses second person narration to ask whether there is anything that is truly unforgivable. {Extra crap to demonstrate that I've done my homework about your agency her...
by Kirril
May 19th, 2010, 3:41 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - crime/police fiction
Replies: 32
Views: 5061

Re: QUERY - crime/police fiction

September, 1970. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas because nobody gives a damn. Then a man with two slugs in his head is discovered in his car outside a casino. Bad for business. Great hook. The passive voice is ok, but you could also use "Then a man with two slugs in his head turns up in his ca...
by Kirril
May 19th, 2010, 3:25 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: query #2: The Suburban Spy, edited
Replies: 10
Views: 1623

Re: query: The Suburban Spy

The first sentence made me at first think you were asking a question for some reason. Overall I like the query, but some minor changes might help. I like the Dragnet (just the facts) tone this query puts in my head. How about changing that first sentence like so: Meet Liz Murdock, suburban mom of tw...
by Kirril
March 15th, 2010, 4:11 pm
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Mentioning Past Requested Material in a Query
Replies: 6
Views: 1267

Re: Mentioning Past Requested Material in a Query

Yes. I've mentioned previously requested materials to any agents who have done so in the past and almost all of them request at least a partial on the current project.
by Kirril
March 15th, 2010, 4:08 pm
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Which email provider do you send queries from?
Replies: 14
Views: 2120

Re: Which email provider do you send queries from?

I've used gmail and MS Outlook to send queries. Before I send anything, I usually send a test query/sample pages to several of my email accounts spanning hotmail, gmail, my corporate email, and Earthlink. Everything usually comes out just fine. I do a copy/paste from my manuscript in MS Word directl...