Search found 89 matches
- June 10th, 2010, 10:06 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: On the Fringe Query Two
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1616
Re: On the Fringe Query Two
Hi Superduperkool, Okay, I can’t pass this up. This book sounds fun, but there is an undercurrent of anger and frustration. Is this good or bad? I have no idea. When I got to the end and saw your personal information, I can understand your bitterness. This book is capturing life for lots of young pe...
- June 10th, 2010, 9:24 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Bron To Die - Last Take
- Replies: 9
- Views: 4011
Re: Bron To Die - Last Take
Hi Nessa, Contradictory advice? We critters can be annoying that way. What to do, what to do . . . Well, here’s a thought. You have a book with some classic story elements. The young outsider destined to escape their horrible situation and become a leader in the battle against the oppressors. We’ve ...
- June 10th, 2010, 11:30 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Bron To Die - Last Take
- Replies: 9
- Views: 4011
Re: Bron To Die - Last Take
Hi Nessa, I'm not going to dissect your query, since others have that covered. I just wanted to throw in my two cents about the subject matter. I like the idea of escaping the concentration camp, but the battle of guns vs. magic that takes up the rest of the query doesn't intrigue me. Probably becau...
- June 10th, 2010, 11:17 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Hang A Shining Star- contemporary women's fiction
- Replies: 17
- Views: 6843
Re: Hang A Shining Star- contemporary women's fiction
Hi Writeaskew, I’m always flattered if someone uses my suggestions. Usually, they’re just a shot in the dark. I gotta warn you, I used to be a teacher, so I can nitpick until the cows come home. So here we go again . . . Barbara never meant to ruin Christmas. The morning of her family’s Christmas pa...
- June 10th, 2010, 10:39 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Bring Me Back, women's fiction--Updated 9/23
- Replies: 32
- Views: 10662
Re: Query: Bring Me Back, women's fiction--Updated
Hi Karen, I love ‘ass over teakettle’. It captures the clumsiness and silliness of hopeless crushes. Looking through this thread, I see you have a platform, my friend. The information about your past should be in your query. See bigheadx's thread Query-crime/police on page two where he inserted his ...
- June 10th, 2010, 10:22 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery
- Replies: 38
- Views: 12752
Re: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery
Hi Serzen, This is stronger. I should probably leave it at that, but oh, what the hay. Comma, comma, b-omma, banana, fanna, all right I’ll stop. The rhythm in this query is unique, but there was one spot it just hit me wrong: “The memories, fears, hound you to this day.” sings to me better as “The m...
- June 10th, 2010, 10:11 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
- Replies: 28
- Views: 10230
Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Hey Capaloha, Feel free to comment on others. I'm waiting to hear back from my local writing group guru, a person who has read my book and doesn't pull their punches critique-wise. If they give this query a greenlight, I'll feel much better about sending it out. Yes, I'm a chicken. I've sent too man...
- June 8th, 2010, 10:25 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
- Replies: 28
- Views: 10230
Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Hi Serzen! Thanks for stopping by. Yes the first paragraph is problematic and I agree, "harnessing Jodie's ESP" is a weak spot. I might just leave that phrase out. Must ponder it a while. Here's my new first paragraph: After twenty years of monitoring psychics, FBI Agent William DeAngelis ...
- June 7th, 2010, 10:49 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Hang A Shining Star- contemporary women's fiction
- Replies: 17
- Views: 6843
Re: Hang A Shining Star- contemporary women's fiction
Hi Writeaskew, My first impression with this version is that it has improved but needs tightening. Barbara never meant to ruin Christmas for her family. The morning of her family's Christmas party, she swore thigns would be different. But her cousin's new doll is melting in the fireplace, her grandm...
- June 7th, 2010, 10:16 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
- Replies: 28
- Views: 10230
Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Hey Guys and Gals, Thanks for the additional input. I think Quill and Wildheart are correct. I should start with the MC. I just haven't found the perfect opener yet. For this thread, I was just interested in getting the pitch part in better shape, but yes, I'll be including the title and word count ...
- June 4th, 2010, 11:32 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Super Incredible Pre-Agent Tester!
- Replies: 29
- Views: 10605
Re: The Super Incredible Pre-Agent Tester!
Would I read pages? Yes
What is my agent response: This isn't my genre, so I'd probably pass on that alone with form rejection. I agree with Rainbowsheeps on the comma thing. This query needs a little housekeeping before you send it off.
Ghost in the Machine
What is my agent response: This isn't my genre, so I'd probably pass on that alone with form rejection. I agree with Rainbowsheeps on the comma thing. This query needs a little housekeeping before you send it off.
Ghost in the Machine
- June 4th, 2010, 11:23 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
- Replies: 28
- Views: 10230
Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Hello, Here Comes Version 4 . . . I’ve taken the advice of Justine and GeeGee55 and removed Melody’s name. Justine, I did lose the milk/coke sentence, but replaced it with something else. J.T.’s comment about ‘only evil people giving kid’s Coke’ helped me rethink what I wanted to do in that part. I...
- June 3rd, 2010, 8:29 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
- Replies: 28
- Views: 10230
Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Hey Guys, Thanks for the new comments. I feel much better about this query. Yes, it does take place right before Christmas. Melody is reunited with her mom on Christmas Eve--awww. Justine, you are a sharp cookie. I probably don't need that sentence about Melody, but it will be tough to let it go. I ...
- June 3rd, 2010, 2:27 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: I'm A Nobody, newest on page four
- Replies: 34
- Views: 12055
Re: I'm A Nobody, YA Fantasy
Hi William, I have to agree with the comments above. We need more information. Dominic Taylor knows he is different. Doors open at his touch and he is able to go anywhere, undetected by cameras and security systems. When he discovers that one of his classmates has these powers, he decides to find ou...
- June 3rd, 2010, 1:39 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
- Replies: 28
- Views: 10230
Re: Query for Thriller - Boo, I'm ba-ack, again
Hello, this is the third attempt: First, a word for our sponsors. Okay, lots of words. Joel Q.: The main character is . . . Well that’s the kicker. I have a multiple POV book rotating between three camps: Camp 1: Jodie and Melody, the kidnapping psychic and her victim/three-year-old sidekick Camp 2...