Search found 89 matches

by Ghost in the Machine
June 10th, 2010, 10:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: On the Fringe Query Two
Replies: 2
Views: 671

Re: On the Fringe Query Two

Hi Superduperkool, Okay, I can’t pass this up. This book sounds fun, but there is an undercurrent of anger and frustration. Is this good or bad? I have no idea. When I got to the end and saw your personal information, I can understand your bitterness. This book is capturing life for lots of young pe...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 10th, 2010, 9:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bron To Die - Last Take
Replies: 9
Views: 1398

Re: Bron To Die - Last Take

Hi Nessa, Contradictory advice? We critters can be annoying that way. What to do, what to do . . . Well, here’s a thought. You have a book with some classic story elements. The young outsider destined to escape their horrible situation and become a leader in the battle against the oppressors. We’ve ...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 10th, 2010, 11:30 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bron To Die - Last Take
Replies: 9
Views: 1398

Re: Bron To Die - Last Take

Hi Nessa, I'm not going to dissect your query, since others have that covered. I just wanted to throw in my two cents about the subject matter. I like the idea of escaping the concentration camp, but the battle of guns vs. magic that takes up the rest of the query doesn't intrigue me. Probably becau...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 10th, 2010, 11:17 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Hang A Shining Star- contemporary women's fiction
Replies: 17
Views: 2548

Re: Hang A Shining Star- contemporary women's fiction

Hi Writeaskew, I’m always flattered if someone uses my suggestions. Usually, they’re just a shot in the dark. I gotta warn you, I used to be a teacher, so I can nitpick until the cows come home. So here we go again . . . Barbara never meant to ruin Christmas. The morning of her family’s Christmas pa...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 10th, 2010, 10:39 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Bring Me Back, women's fiction--Updated 9/23
Replies: 32
Views: 4616

Re: Query: Bring Me Back, women's fiction--Updated

Hi Karen, I love ‘ass over teakettle’. It captures the clumsiness and silliness of hopeless crushes. Looking through this thread, I see you have a platform, my friend. The information about your past should be in your query. See bigheadx's thread Query-crime/police on page two where he inserted his ...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 10th, 2010, 10:22 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery
Replies: 38
Views: 5117

Re: BROKEN MIRROR, new query, new delivery

Hi Serzen, This is stronger. I should probably leave it at that, but oh, what the hay. Comma, comma, b-omma, banana, fanna, all right I’ll stop. The rhythm in this query is unique, but there was one spot it just hit me wrong: “The memories, fears, hound you to this day.” sings to me better as “The m...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 10th, 2010, 10:11 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Replies: 28
Views: 3981

Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters

Hey Capaloha, Feel free to comment on others. I'm waiting to hear back from my local writing group guru, a person who has read my book and doesn't pull their punches critique-wise. If they give this query a greenlight, I'll feel much better about sending it out. Yes, I'm a chicken. I've sent too man...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 8th, 2010, 10:25 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Replies: 28
Views: 3981

Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters

Hi Serzen! Thanks for stopping by. Yes the first paragraph is problematic and I agree, "harnessing Jodie's ESP" is a weak spot. I might just leave that phrase out. Must ponder it a while. Here's my new first paragraph: After twenty years of monitoring psychics, FBI Agent William DeAngelis has a high...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 7th, 2010, 10:49 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Hang A Shining Star- contemporary women's fiction
Replies: 17
Views: 2548

Re: Hang A Shining Star- contemporary women's fiction

Hi Writeaskew, My first impression with this version is that it has improved but needs tightening. Barbara never meant to ruin Christmas for her family. The morning of her family's Christmas party, she swore thigns would be different. But her cousin's new doll is melting in the fireplace, her grandm...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 7th, 2010, 10:16 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Replies: 28
Views: 3981

Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters

Hey Guys and Gals, Thanks for the additional input. I think Quill and Wildheart are correct. I should start with the MC. I just haven't found the perfect opener yet. For this thread, I was just interested in getting the pitch part in better shape, but yes, I'll be including the title and word count ...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 4th, 2010, 11:32 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Super Incredible Pre-Agent Tester!
Replies: 29
Views: 4789

Re: The Super Incredible Pre-Agent Tester!

Would I read pages? Yes

What is my agent response: This isn't my genre, so I'd probably pass on that alone with form rejection. I agree with Rainbowsheeps on the comma thing. This query needs a little housekeeping before you send it off.

Ghost in the Machine
by Ghost in the Machine
June 4th, 2010, 11:23 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Replies: 28
Views: 3981

Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters

Hello, Here Comes Version 4 . . . I’ve taken the advice of Justine and GeeGee55 and removed Melody’s name. Justine, I did lose the milk/coke sentence, but replaced it with something else. J.T.’s comment about ‘only evil people giving kid’s Coke’ helped me rethink what I wanted to do in that part. I...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 3rd, 2010, 8:29 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Replies: 28
Views: 3981

Re: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters

Hey Guys, Thanks for the new comments. I feel much better about this query. Yes, it does take place right before Christmas. Melody is reunited with her mom on Christmas Eve--awww. Justine, you are a sharp cookie. I probably don't need that sentence about Melody, but it will be tough to let it go. I ...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 3rd, 2010, 2:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: I'm A Nobody, newest on page four
Replies: 34
Views: 5163

Re: I'm A Nobody, YA Fantasy

Hi William, I have to agree with the comments above. We need more information. Dominic Taylor knows he is different. Doors open at his touch and he is able to go anywhere, undetected by cameras and security systems. When he discovers that one of his classmates has these powers, he decides to find ou...
by Ghost in the Machine
June 3rd, 2010, 1:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Thriller - Fresh Meat, Notes to Commenters
Replies: 28
Views: 3981

Re: Query for Thriller - Boo, I'm ba-ack, again

Hello, this is the third attempt: First, a word for our sponsors. Okay, lots of words. Joel Q.: The main character is . . . Well that’s the kicker. I have a multiple POV book rotating between three camps: Camp 1: Jodie and Melody, the kidnapping psychic and her victim/three-year-old sidekick Camp 2...