Nathan Bransford - The Forums

hey there maybe, I've been waiting to catch a glimpse of your writing. Anyway, I hope you don't mind the comments. I LOVED THIS! I definately think that with very few minor tweaks this opening should stay. It drew me in faster than you can say steampunk... Well, please excuse typos, I'm a little slo...

NUMBER 4. BE BRUTAL... Dear Wonderful Agent, Sixteen-year-old Haley Martin doesn’t like conflict. She keeps her head down and stays out of trouble. She doesn’t know trouble has been seeking her for generations... and now it’s found her. When Haley’s family moves to a small town in Kansas she discov...

Thanks christi for the that busting. I totally am going to try a round of that busting on my WIP (and justs... when I filtered the thing into wordle just was my second most used word.) Thank you for all the advice bcomet! (and your color-coding was great. Very clear and understandable.) Thanks for a...

I'm casting my vote for the bear one.

I was reading in another thread about the difficulty one of us was having finding a critique partner. I'm in the same boat. I live in a small town where there are no writing groups and only have free hours in the middle of the night (who needs sleep anyway). Is anyone else out there searching for a ...

Thanks, Serzen. Here is an updated version. Lucinda is a vulnerable young woman in a France starved by famine and torn with revolution. When offered liberation from the this? oppressive world as a vampire, she turns her back on the light of the sun and God and embraces Dark Immortality. Can I reite...

A member of my family also spent some time in a mental institution... funny thing, he called it "the looney bin", too. I like what you wrote about no one getting better. My family member was kicked out as soon as insurance stopped helping with the payments. Not only to I love the TRUTH in ...

Hmmm, let's see... Where was I? Oh yeah... Guy is no sooner ensnared in Sloane’s web of deceit I get what you're saying here, but the wording is confusing. Maybe something like, "just when Guy is about to give up on Sloan'es case completely a real stalker appears on the scene and cut kidnaps th...

This is completely off topic, but have any of you ever seen this kid?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vS0QjEeNYpM

Blows my mind!

[quote="austincambridge"]Dear Ms. Agent: I LOVE that your default agent is a woman! Smart-mouthed gumshoe, Guy Morgan doesn't work much; but he does drink half his weight in whisky each day, do you need the comma? It distrupted the flow of the sentence for me, but grammar is grammar. while...

THIS IS NOT THE NEWEST VERSION, SCROLL DOWN AND YOU'LL FIND IT... COULD THE THIRD TIME BE THE CHARM? I DOUBT IT. Here we go again. Thanks guys! Dear Wonderful Agent, Sixteen-year-old Haley Martin doesn’t like conflict. She keeps her head down and stays out of trouble. She doesn’t know that trouble ...

[quote="austincambridge]Is Mom the town's mayor or is this a nickname? If the former then 'The' is not capitalized She is the mayor, but The Mayor is how Haley and Beau refer to her because he doesn't know what else to call her. He refuses to call her Mom, but calling her by her name feels too ...

Here is the newish version. Don't be gentle. Lucinda is a vulnerable young woman in a France starved by famine and torn with revolution. When offered liberation as a vampire from the oppressive world, she turns her back on humanity and embraces Dark Immortality. I did love this version: she turns h...

Hi aspiring_x! hope my comments helpThey certainly did!
This sounds funny to me, I Imagine a face contorting, a body contorting, it's a strange image. Maybe something like her world or life becomes complicated?Working on that now!
Thanks Shadow!