Search found 5 matches

by tree
July 13th, 2014, 8:49 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Romance Query. V.O.I.C.E
Replies: 2
Views: 2839

Re: YA Romance Query. V.O.I.C.E

Hi, Rebecca! I agree with the suggestions kenpochick made. There's a great conflict there - she and her step brother are in love! Focus the first line on that. Not sure if you were putting up a draft for review purposes but it doesn't read like a polished, final version. A tip I found useful: read i...
by tree
July 11th, 2014, 3:38 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Daughters of Meduse
Replies: 2
Views: 2252

Query: Daughters of Meduse

Hi everyone! I'm a newbie to these forums, though I have been on query critiquing boards in the past. I've a new query that I've been working out and would love some feedback to make it better. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read and make suggestions! Dear Awesome Agent: Vee Maso...
by tree
July 11th, 2014, 3:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Romantic Fantasy Query
Replies: 3
Views: 3228

Re: Romantic Fantasy Query

Hi Amanda! Congrats on the partial - first of many I'm sure. To me, this query gives a bit too much backstory. It could also use some tightening up, and more detail to make it really come alive. I've dashed off a quick revision to illustrate what I mean (with silly details as placeholders). Hope yo...
by tree
July 11th, 2014, 3:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Recoded Volume I: Alan and Rachael
Replies: 2
Views: 1785

Re: Query for Recoded Volume I: Alan and Rachael

Hi Alan. I've got some suggestions on your query that I hope you will find helpful. Dani Redfield dreamed of a beach the night her parents fought. The sun warmed her face, unlike the fever that burned her body. The grey eyes had watched her there; staring in their scary way, frightening and alien a...
by tree
July 11th, 2014, 2:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Forest and the Sea
Replies: 8
Views: 4335

Re: Query: The Forest and the Sea

Hi there! Interesting story you've got there. I've got a few suggestions for you. I am seeking agency representation for The Forest and the Sea, a completed 65,000-word coming-of-age story with glimmers of magical realism. A man awakes in the ocean without sight or memory, clinging desperately to a...