Search found 6 matches
- December 30th, 2013, 5:50 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Dybbuk- Query help and critique!
- Replies: 5
- Views: 6425
Re: The Dybbuk- Query help and critique!
Yes, better. And the world loves Spartan queries, but maybe we've sanded too much out. Maybe add back in a few eyedropper's worth of details. Like "Jewish boy." That's too ambiguous a visual. Sure, he's not really a Yeshiva student, but he's something. Something other than an ethnicity and...
- December 19th, 2013, 5:40 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: SciFi? Or Reality?
- Replies: 5
- Views: 7375
Re: SciFi? Or Reality?
Well your rewrite is much improved over the first version, Longknife. One of the tropes people always roll out at a time like this is "Well, I'm not a reader of Sci Fi, so ______________ ." I'll spare you that indignity. I refer to this particular style of story as a "Whiteboard plot....
- December 17th, 2013, 1:48 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query -- MG thriller
- Replies: 1
- Views: 3089
Re: Query -- MG thriller
Wow. This is a hard nut to crack, ddgreff. This is SO much the query I would write. Our pitch style is so similar. And it's probably why I neither one of us have an agent. And I mean this: I'm intrigued by the story. I think you've got a compelling MG here. You just need to get out your sander and ...
- December 17th, 2013, 1:14 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Query help for Eager, Terrifed Newbie
- Replies: 3
- Views: 3660
Re: YA Query help for Eager, Terrifed Newbie
Vincent is a super-being. A cactus that has been genetically engineered to absorb the power of Field energy. But he doesn't know that. All he knows is that he's tired of being trapped in the underground military lab where he's been kept since he was a seedling. [Insert sound of screeching brakes he...
- December 17th, 2013, 1:04 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Dybbuk- Query help and critique!
- Replies: 5
- Views: 6425
Re: The Dybbuk- Query help and critique!
Wow, Anigirl! I really, really like the hook. If I were an agent, I'd definitely skip down to the sample pages. Why "mid seventies?" You are already jumping us back in time. Why not pick a year? Why the ambiguity? Dear (Agent's name),. 1974. Immigrant Konrad Franks and his family are livin...
- December 17th, 2013, 12:24 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: The Forest and the Sea
- Replies: 8
- Views: 7620
Re: Query: The Forest and the Sea
Yeah. What the other critiquers are politely telling you, Wilderness, is that this query is way out of phase with what agents are telling us they expect. You really have to get the marketing/advertising diction out of this and just attach the agent's emotional commitment to the characters as efficie...