Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Not sure if this has been posted but there is a contest going on for a 10-page critique from Sarah LaPolla. There is an interview with her and information on how to enter at this site. http://janetsumnerjohnson.blogspot.com/2011/04/brawl-n-haul-contest-interview-with.html . The deadline, I believe, ...

I downloaded a sample of her first book in the series and thought it was okay. Granted, I am not a huge paranormal reader, but I think the price she sells her books at and the fact that paranormal is still popular is a big reason for her success.

This sounds like a really interesting story. Definitely one I would read. The only other comment I would add about the query is at the beginning you said she is a priestess of Vesta, but later on you mention she doesn't trust her. Why would she continue to be a priestess after she no longer believes...

Jade should control her wind taming powers, but it’s often the other way around. Personally, not sure this is the best hook for you. I liked the begining of the older version better but woud suggest a change in the first sentence. When she embarks on a mission to manage her abilities, she faces not...

Meredith,

I think this query looks really good! It definitely has me interested in your story. Good luck with the querying.

Here is my latest revision. Someone wants sixteen-year-old Anna dead. After witnessing the brutal murder of her family, Anna clings to her mother’s last sentence, “this was no mere accident.” Searching for answers, she heads to the nearby village where she encounters a stranger named Tormod. He is t...

Ariel,

Thanks for the input. :)

Okay, so I was wondering how many rejections it took before you guys started working on your query again? Since I started, I have fixed up my query twice and my stats so far are:
Sent: 19
Form Rejection: 17
Silence: 1
Pending: 1

I believe it does, especally since that would be the first thing a person would see/read.

From everything I have read you shouldn't reply to a rejection whether it is personalized or form.

wordranger wrote:NOTW:

You know what? You're right. This is too much of a synopsis. I think I am going at this from the wrong angle.

New Rewrite!

Thanks so much!

You're welcome. :) I am looking forward to reading the next draft!

Thanks for the comments Holly!

Okay, I have sent out quite a few queries and no bites. So I decided to try and tweak it again. Does this one seem more interesting? Revision Someone wants sixteen-year-old Anna dead. While most maidens her age are preparing for a courtship, Anna is reeling from the sudden murder of her family. It i...

Thanks for the encouragement, notw. I appreciate it. I had a backwards sentence: College students Travis Maguire, Lexie Collins, and her older brother Burke discover the wreck of a black triangular UFO in Washington, D.C.’s Rock Creek Park. But when Burke steps in a trap, Travis and Lexie have to l...

Thanks for all your suggestions, androidblues. Travis is a college student. Here's another version. It needs some more polish and zing, but is probably the direction to go. Once I add my contact info, bio details, and agent personalization, it comes to about 250 words. Dear agent: College students ...