Nathan Bransford - The Forums

This is definitely a big improvement over the first one. When Charles Radcliffe, the richest man in Silver River, falls for his suspicions and tries to find out why his soon-to-be ex-wife was lying to him, a series of inexplicable events lead to his killing both her and her lover by accident. A Cuck...

Thanks. I had the the paragraphs separate because the Queryshark has a big thing for "white space", and I sometimes add a little bio toward the end.

Okay, I'm going to run through this real quick. What I'm trying to do is simulate a sleep-deprived literary agent surfing through a slush pile at midnight. (Also, I think this might be a copy\paste error, but you have no paragraphs.) Two lovers lie upon one another, the cold embrace of death making ...

This is my query for SPACELANCER, my first novel. I've revised it and spruced up the first few pages and I'm hoping to have more success with my next batch of queries. Any feedback would be appreciated. I can take criticism. (Also, this is just the template. I plug in the agent's name and slip in so...

I'm going to give you my instant reactions upon quickly reading each paragraph, as if I'm a literary agent. I hope this helps. Daphne Flowers’ stock in trade had gone up as the economy had gone down. An FDLE Agent, Daphne was a practicing forensic accountant. This meant she followed the money. She w...

The last paragraph is fine so I'll focus on the body of the query. I'm trying to simulate what an actual agent would think upon reading this, so I'm reading through quickly and jotting down my instant reactions. I hope this helps. Rabbit holes aren’t the only way to Wonderland... It's vague, but it ...

I'm just going to go through and give my thoughts as I read them. I'm trying to convey and instant reaction, as if I were an agent reading this. Twelve-year-old Calisson is quiet. It helps when she picks pockets. When she does talk, she lies, especially about her parents abandoning her at birth. The...

I think I may post my query on here sometime, but I want to pay it forward, so to speak. For that reason, I'm providing my completely unqualified opinion, based on extensive research into queries and my own writing experience. I copied your query and made comments as I read it, as if I'm an agent fo...

This is my first critique, which I am in no way qualified to provide, so take it with a grain of salt. I have read through the Query Shark archives, though. This is probably obsessive, but I would break the main query up into multiple, smaller paragraphs. That's just me. First off, the writing seems...

Hi everyone, I'm posting as Literary Flamingo, but my name is Brandon and I primarily write science fiction. This is my first post on... well, anything. I'm not on Facebook or Twitter, though I've posted a ton of Pikmin 3 pictures in Miiverse, so maybe that counts. (Again, this is my first post ever...