Search found 2 matches

by jdanielbatt
June 13th, 2013, 5:58 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY THE WOODLANDS YA Science Fiction
Replies: 4
Views: 2359

Re: QUERY Escape is just the beginning YA Science Fiction

A few thoughts: The title should use proper capitalization: "Escape is Just the Beginning" The first sentence feels a bit weak. I realize it's your title but it doesn't tell me what she's escaping from. Your second sentence is too long. If you can't say it in one breath, then you should try to short...
by jdanielbatt
June 10th, 2013, 7:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Cursed: YA Fantasy Query
Replies: 4
Views: 4466

Re: Cursed: YA Fantasy Query

"He was a prince, until the Crone cast a spell that removed the memory of him from existence, all because of a tiny threat."

This seems a bit long. Consider:

"He was a prince until the Crone removed all memory of him!"