Search found 53 matches
- December 16th, 2013, 3:03 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Help: Death has a daughter
- Replies: 3
- Views: 3445
Re: Query Help: Death has a daughter
This sounds really interesting :D Thank you for the feedback, here is my second attempt. :) Dear Agent, Ever wake up with a vague feeling of unease that you can’t quite put your finger on? When your inner voice is screaming at you to be careful, for something is lurking in the shadows, stalking you....
- December 16th, 2013, 2:16 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Query help for Eager, Terrifed Newbie
- Replies: 3
- Views: 3649
Re: YA Query help for Eager, Terrifed Newbie
Together, Vincent, his creator, and a young couple who get pulled into the adventure flee to China to escape the Commander’s reach. That's where they meet the Tara-Chi, an ancient tribe of warrior monks sworn to protect the Field. Through the Tara-Chi, they learn that a hole has appeared in the Fie...
- December 15th, 2013, 4:28 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: YA Query help for Eager, Terrifed Newbie
- Replies: 3
- Views: 3649
Re: YA Query help for Eager, Terrifed Newbie
Hi all, I know that I'm new here, but I would really love to hear your opinions of my query letter. I didn't discover this community until I started the publication process, so please forgive my lack of past participation. I hope to be of assistance to future queriers going forward. Anyways, withou...
- July 15th, 2010, 1:58 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Is There Anything For Me? query (women's fiction) Revised
- Replies: 10
- Views: 3857
Re: Is There Anything For Me? query (women's fiction)
Hi all. I'm new here. Hi! I just started the process of querying. I'd appreciate any feedback on my query letter. Thanks a lot. I hope I can help :) Dear Agent: I'm saying this just in case, make sure to replace "Agent" with the Agent's name. Mr. ???, Mrs. ???, Ms. ???. Whatever they say ...
- July 15th, 2010, 3:29 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: BLOOD WILL TELL, Urban Fantasy, Revised
- Replies: 10
- Views: 3810
Re: BLOOD WILL TELL, Urban Fantasy
I've just been through a revision, mostly of the first chapters of this. Here's the first page and a half, or so: Chapter 1: A Death in the Family Valeriah hurdled [I second, third, whatever. I agree you should replace "hurdled." But how you have it now, shouldn't it be: hurdled through?]...
- July 15th, 2010, 2:24 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
- Replies: 30
- Views: 12223
Re: First Page YA: opinions on voice and technique appreciated
After reading many of the excerpts in this forum, I'm often left with that I'm-not-worthy-to-circle-your-typos kinda feeling. (But I'll be brave and post.) This is the first page of a YA manuscript I'm writing. If I had to do a one-sentence summary it would be: A teenage girl grieves her best frien...
- July 15th, 2010, 12:28 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Alamandine's Song Query
- Replies: 22
- Views: 7859
Re: Alamandine's Song Query
Going a different direction- Lemme know what you think. I wanted to come with fresh eyes, so I didn't read the other versions yet. Hope you don't mind. BTW, I'm critiquing as I read along. To say that Alamandine “Mandi” Croach [Even if I've seen this done before, I like you introduce her nickname.]...
- July 14th, 2010, 9:48 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
- Replies: 31
- Views: 11403
Re: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
#11 Dear [ Agent’s name ]: Rashel McSwain’s always running in England--from her abusive father, bullets, and now prison. Poisoning judges for a million dollars was a success; fleeing away to get her hands on the money...not so much. Rashel’s conviction isn’t determined in court, though. Officials w...
- July 13th, 2010, 6:43 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
- Replies: 31
- Views: 11403
Re: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
Any critiquers?
- July 9th, 2010, 4:08 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
- Replies: 31
- Views: 11403
Re: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
Thanks Emily J for being stern with me. Hopefully my rewrites get better and better. Obviously I'm not quitting. With that said, *This is #10* Dear [ Agent’s name ]: Rachel McSwain’s always running--from her abusive father, bullets, and now prison. She’s serving a life sentence for murder before she...
- July 6th, 2010, 1:33 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Another Query attempt
- Replies: 25
- Views: 8489
Re: Another Query attempt
Dear Agent, Vitiosus, the dark warrior prince, is feared by all of Lassertian. But in this war-loving land, where the lesser humans are hunted and hung, Vitiosus secretly longs for something no warrior would ever consider - peace. [Make the dash in front of " peace " an em dash (—).] [I a...
- July 6th, 2010, 12:58 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
- Replies: 31
- Views: 11403
Re: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
Thank you Meredith for pointing out the things you did! Well I don't know if this is any better, but it's what I have so far. *This is #9* Dear [ Agent’s name ]: Rachel McSwain’s always running. From her abusive father, bullets, cops, and now prison. She’s serving a life sentence for murder before s...
- July 5th, 2010, 3:56 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
- Replies: 31
- Views: 11403
Re: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
Merci beaucoup Quill. At least I had a good start ;). I have " blah blah blah ," because I'm still editing/rewriting my story. But I'm aiming for 100,000-120,000 words. I believe that's a good range.. *This is #8* Dear [ Agent’s name ]: Rachel McSwain’s always running. From her abusive fat...
- July 4th, 2010, 12:28 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query - 'When Sleeping Girls Wake'
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4654
Re: Query - 'When Sleeping Girls Wake'
This has been through several revisions. I'd appreciate any help or comments to get to a final version. Thanks, in advance. Dear Agent; David Harvey has a college degree, but no prospects, no interests, and a dead end job as a cashier in a grocery store. Your first sentence doesn't hold my attentio...
- July 4th, 2010, 4:35 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
- Replies: 31
- Views: 11403
Re: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
Thanks Penang. I might just say Inspirational YA In an effort to make this query more solid than soup [thanks Ellie G, BTW :D], I came up with: *This is #7* Dear [ Agent’s name ]: Rachel McSwain's always running. From her abusive father, bullets, and cops. When she's betrayed by a co-conspirator, Ra...