Search found 93 matches

by Yoshima
October 15th, 2010, 3:47 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: Won a writing contest--include in query?
Replies: 1
Views: 667

Won a writing contest--include in query?

Thanks so much for hosting this Ask Nathan thread. With the massive amount of conflicting advice on the net, it's so helpful to have answers straight from you. My question actually has to do with conflicting advice (and not wanting to dish out more of it myself). A writer friend of mine placed 23rd ...
by Yoshima
May 20th, 2010, 6:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS
Replies: 24
Views: 3698

Re: Query: GHOSTS VS ALIENS

Howdy Kirril! Gotta say, I think this query was pretty tight already. Just a few toughts: Title: Well, with a movie called "Monsters Vs. Aliens" that recently came out and "Alien Vs. Predator" not too long ago...bluntly, I think you can do better, sir. :) Hi all! I've contributed to these forums off...
by Yoshima
May 15th, 2010, 2:55 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Super Incredible Pre-Agent Tester!
Replies: 29
Views: 4995

Re: The Super Incredible Pre-Agent Tester!

Dear Specific Agent, Nineteen-year-old Adam tried to kill himself. His biggest regret is that his five-year-old sister, Evelyn, found him bleeding on the floor. Every night, he tucks her into bed and hopes to find a way to make it up to her. But one day, Adam meets seventeen-year-old Cherith, and h...
by Yoshima
April 27th, 2010, 10:45 am
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Kick-Thyself Moments
Replies: 19
Views: 6780

Re: Kick-Thyself Moments

Whew, glad it wasn't just me. :) Here's one from the vault: back when I first discovered what a query was, I made a few drafts of them on email. Terrible. Drafts. Anyway, I was working on one and went to click "save draft" but accidentally clicked "send" instead. This wouldn't have been a problem if...
by Yoshima
April 26th, 2010, 6:06 pm
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Kick-Thyself Moments
Replies: 19
Views: 6780

Kick-Thyself Moments

I often find myself ranting and kicking things (sometimes myself, depending on how creative I can get) after I perform a spectacular query blunder. Just wondering if anyone else feels the same, and wants to rant/share. It is lovely to rant, sometimes. Here's my latest: So I write my queries on a wor...
by Yoshima
April 22nd, 2010, 9:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: VALENTINE, New Revision & stuff
Replies: 33
Views: 5064

Re: Query: VALENTINE

Hey rainbowsheeps! Thanks so much for your help with my query. I come to return the favor (though I doubt I'll be nearly as helpful, but I can give you an honest opinion as a reader who would be either picking up your book or putting it down in a bookstore). Again, any new comments, criticisms or s...
by Yoshima
April 21st, 2010, 5:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - THE NAMELESS
Replies: 11
Views: 2284

Re: QUERY - THE NAMELESS

Below is the query for my YA fantasy novel. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, be honest, be brutal! Will do. :) Dear Agent: Eighteen-year-old Erica Ann Dawson falls asleep in her bed in Batesfield, Connecticut and awakens to find herself driving down a four-lane highway. Great hook! Plague...
by Yoshima
April 20th, 2010, 12:28 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Maybe 3rd time is the charm..I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY
Replies: 12
Views: 2028

Re: Maybe 3rd time is the charm..I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY

Hey Beth! Fresh eyes. Hope they help you. :) I'm liking it more and more. I couldn't do this without all the great comments. so do your best now. Just a side note for interest. The idea for this story has been with me for....cough,cough...40 years! During my senior year, I received a letter...not qu...
by Yoshima
April 17th, 2010, 1:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)
Replies: 14
Views: 2904

Re: Black Hole Son (New Approach) (Draft 2)

Hey Wallflower. More feedback for you. Hope it helps. Remy wakes up on a park bench with no memory and no identity. In another part of the city, Ash wakes up in an alley with the same condition. Neither knows the other exists and the only things they have are a powerful instinct to protect and psyc...
by Yoshima
April 17th, 2010, 12:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: A BEAUTIFUL MONSTER
Replies: 20
Views: 3038

Re: Query: A BEAUTIFUL MONSTER

Hey hanna. Query hell sure is fun, isn't it? :) Hope this helps as you polish your query. NEWEST QUERY: When Seventeen-year-old Nicola Summers goes outside to take out the trash, she finds her boyfriend Tristan chained in the driveway after being beaten by a street gang. Horrified at the bruises on ...
by Yoshima
March 14th, 2010, 10:17 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Are you appealing to your target audience?
Replies: 26
Views: 4035

Re: Are you appealing to your target audience?

you know your MC and your story better than us. and my advice is to NOT "repair" the story just for the sake of appeasing readers. how important is it that your audience is female? is it worth changing the character or the pacing? or do you feel strongly enough about the character/pacing/events/wha...
by Yoshima
March 3rd, 2010, 10:34 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: You know you've been up too late working on your book when..
Replies: 20
Views: 3218

Re: You know you've been up too late working on your book when..

...when you're writing a lit analysis paper and...wait, you're writing a lit analysis paper? All you've got is a blank word document and a fabulous idea of how to fix that scene on page 257.
by Yoshima
February 25th, 2010, 9:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: The Griffinborn
Replies: 20
Views: 3331

Re: QUERY: The Griffinborn

More feedback. Hope it helps. :) For generations the Griffin Lords of Galenburg have guarded a secret. For generations (agree with Justine; back-to-back "for generations" disrupts the flow) they have dreaded the world discovering it. When unthinkable happens and their sinister patron (I know this is...
by Yoshima
February 25th, 2010, 4:30 pm
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: The Introduction Thread
Replies: 612
Views: 187456

Re: The Introduction Thread

Hey everyone! I've been avoiding the "procrastination" forum like the plague--I don't need help not working on my novel--but it's been so awesome to hear more about the peeps here on the forums and I wanted to add my bit. I'm from Illinois and only just qualify to use the term "in my twenties." I wa...
by Yoshima
February 25th, 2010, 4:21 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: How old are you?
Replies: 113
Views: 21794

Re: How old are you?

Oh, what the heck, I'll fess up too. I'm 20. I got started when I was about 13 or 14...back when I spelled "definitely" like this: "definately." *Bangs head on desk*