Search found 93 matches
- January 26th, 2010, 4:40 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: query - dirge of the desert
- Replies: 25
- Views: 7645
Re: query - dirge of the desert
Hey lexcade! Here's some more feedback. **Hey, folks! Figured why not? Everyone else is doing it, and I want to be one of the cool kids** Dear Agent, As though waking up strapped to a table wasn’t bad enough, (I think this would be a stronger setence without the "as though..." thing. Maybe...
- January 25th, 2010, 5:32 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Fiction Query-2nd Try (Less fluff more stuff)
- Replies: 11
- Views: 5019
Re: Fiction Query-2nd Try (Less fluff more stuff)
*listens* You hear that, Mr. Stricklen? It's called the JACKPOT. You've hit it, sir. This query is right on the money!! The suspense is there, I was on the edge of my seat the whole freakin' time I was reading it...great job! How about more suspense? I am going to jump off a bridge how would that be...
- January 23rd, 2010, 11:16 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Status: Under Construction
- Replies: 30
- Views: 12182
Re: Query Status: Under Construction
After taking a break and getting comfortable with the beginning of my first year in college (Oh yeah!) (Ah, freshman year...*sigh* I'm a junior and still haven't learned any study skills...) , I'm back to have others crack the whip on this query of mine. So please, by all means, tear into it. (Will...
- January 22nd, 2010, 5:41 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Excerpt - The Dim Man
- Replies: 5
- Views: 3268
Re: Excerpt - The Dim Man
Agreed. It's so hard to open yourself up to critique. Kudos, Ermo! Here's my thoughts, and remember that this is your piece. Don't let anyone screw with your writing or tell you how to screw with your writing (because there's a good chance those two instances will screw it up). Now then! :) On to th...
- January 21st, 2010, 1:03 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Fiction Query-2nd Try (Less fluff more stuff)
- Replies: 11
- Views: 5019
Re: Fiction Query-2nd Try (Less fluff more stuff)
Hello, again! I'll try to help as best I can. Am I getting closer? (Yes, sir! :) ) Latest attempt below... Dear Ms. Readmuch Sixteen-year-old Brian Hummel can’t help but roll his eyes at his Grandmother’s latest prediction. As far back as she can remember, townspeople have vanished at Blackwater Pon...
- January 21st, 2010, 12:33 am
- Forum: Finding An Agent
- Topic: The literary agent is also a practicing author - say what?
- Replies: 63
- Views: 20548
Re: The literary agent is also a practicing author - say what?
Then again, who knows... maybe this person IS delving into the slush pile in search of stuff... did anybody here submit anything even remotely like The Space Kapow or whatever it's called? Okay, Username. You love your book. We get it. You feel strongly about this topic. That's totally fine; it mak...
- January 20th, 2010, 10:20 pm
- Forum: Finding An Agent
- Topic: The literary agent is also a practicing author - say what?
- Replies: 63
- Views: 20548
Re: The literary agent is also a practicing author - say what?
Also, one faintly stuffy question: but how many of you here are published novelists? Well, we are discussing your little dilemma in the "All Things FINDING AN AGENT" forum. I must wonder why someone who said we people can't read worth a damn would ask a question that could be easily answe...
- January 18th, 2010, 5:24 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: AUTUMN LEAVES - Query Help
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8427
Re: AUTUMN LEAVES - Query Help
I agree with dankrubis's analysis, especially the part about the last sentence of the first paragraph. To me, it feels like telling. Here's my thought: so Nathan is manipulating her mind. I hear what dankrubis is saying about adding intrigue by not telling us his power, but I think it's crucial for ...
- January 18th, 2010, 5:08 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Fiction Query-2nd Try (Less fluff more stuff)
- Replies: 11
- Views: 5019
Re: Fiction Query-2nd Try (Less fluff more stuff)
Hello, again. First off, holy cow, there is so much more story here than in your first query. Now we're gettin' somewhere! ;) More specific comments below. Hope they help! Dear Ms. Near an old farming town there is a small but deep body of water called Blackwater Pond. No one has ever been able to r...
- January 16th, 2010, 9:56 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query--Sendek--3rd revision page 2
- Replies: 25
- Views: 15721
Re: Query--Sendek
Hello, charity_bradford! I agree; it is pretty long. Here's more specific thoughts: Alright, here is my first draft of my query for my WIP Sendek . I think it is too long. What do you think? Any and all suggestions are appreciated. Thanks! Dear Mr. _________, In a world that has chosen science over ...
- January 15th, 2010, 6:00 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: My Query For Critique
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3476
Re: My Query For Critique
Hello, David! I agree with most of what Krista G. said. I just have a few things to add. Take my suggestions only if they feel right for you; I'm no expert on queries: Dear Ms. Hard Toplease I wrote a novel that I hope is right for you. My story fits into the category of one of your favorite genres,...
- January 14th, 2010, 5:57 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query Critique - Annevra Waiting - YA fiction
- Replies: 6
- Views: 3376
Re: Query Critique - Annevra Waiting - YA fiction
Hello, there. :) Here's my thoughts as I was reading: Wow, I realize now how much I need to take out my fancy way of saying she only saw visions of things that happened in the past xP It sounds like she saw Koda walking down the street a week before the Revolution--what I actually meant was those we...
- January 13th, 2010, 10:03 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: AUTUMN LEAVES - Query Help
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8427
Re: AUTUMN LEAVES - Query Help
I agree with dankrubis about the "father" vs. "dad" thing. Dad's too informal a term to make him seem scary. Also agree that "the" would make "Lumen" seem more like a race of people rather than just a name. I was so-so about the phrase "revelation of a ne...
- January 12th, 2010, 11:13 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Defender of the Crown v4
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4149
Re: Query: Defender of the Crown v4
Agree with Ink--it's a solid query, but if you're looking to stand out a little flair wouldn't hurt. These are all just suggestions. Hope they help! I've been revising this over the holidays, and with Nathan's post yesterday, I realize that this needs to be really eye-catching if it's going to make ...
- January 10th, 2010, 8:51 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: AUTUMN LEAVES - Query Help
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8427
Re: AUTUMN LEAVES - Query Help
Glad I could help the first time 'round. :) Hope this helps, too. Revision 1: Seventeen-year-old Autumn Reed can control the four elements, which sounds great in theory, but not when it rips apart her family and ignites a war (A much better opening than before, but I feel like you've got two big ide...