Search found 107 matches

by lexcade
July 26th, 2010, 4:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Whip-Slip query - REVISED
Replies: 12
Views: 1618

Re: The Whip-Slip query - REVISED

i think the most important part of a query (aside from that all-important "grabby" aspect) is that it's cohesive and makes sense. i've seen queries that are 400 words and queries that are 200, and the important thing is that they were long enough to give the reader an idea of what was going on. don'...
by lexcade
July 26th, 2010, 3:43 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 284717

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: Dirge of the Desert Genre: Science Fiction 250 Words My eyes fluttered open with the lack of focus that only comes from sleeping too long. I was shivering and exhausted. Gotta find a blanket, I thought when the shivering worsened. Get up… My mind blanked. Get up… In that tiny space where a na...
by lexcade
July 12th, 2010, 4:06 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

this resulted in a headache. Dear Agent: When the Department of Defense offers geneticist Janelle Gray the opportunity of a lifetime, she immediately accepts the offer to collaborate on its new, and highly controversial, cross-mutation experiment. Until she becomes the experiment. Janelle wakes to a...
by lexcade
July 1st, 2010, 4:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

thanks again, quill! :)

i'm thinking i have an idea of how to make this more visceral. i guess i was so concerned about her struggle to preserve her humanity that i kinda forgot about her pantherness being a character in and of itself.
by lexcade
June 29th, 2010, 3:07 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

one more time, with feeling! When the Department of Defense offers fledgling geneticist Janelle Gray the opportunity of a lifetime, she jumps at the chance to be part of the world’s most controversial cross-mutation experiment; she never plans to be the experiment. Now, she’s the Humani Project’s cr...
by lexcade
June 25th, 2010, 8:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

clara, somehow i missed your post :( but thanks for the encouragement! i really appreciate it :)
by lexcade
June 21st, 2010, 3:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

as always, you have some great points, quill. thanks for all your feedback. it's been incredibly helpful!
by lexcade
June 20th, 2010, 8:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

thanks, everyone, for the input. here's the latest attempt. When the Department of Defense told geneticist Janelle Gray to fix its controversial cross-mutation experiment, she never expected her technology to work, but it did—on her. A panther-human hybrid, she’s the Humani Project’s crowning achie...
by lexcade
June 13th, 2010, 6:17 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

with new paragraph (like i said, lots of free time) When the Department of Defense told geneticist Janelle Gray to modify its genetic cross-mutation experiment, she never expected her technology to work, but it did—on her. A panther-human hybrid, she’s the Humani Project’s crowning achievement, but ...
by lexcade
June 13th, 2010, 1:55 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

yeah... i have a metric buttload of free time, so i have a lot of time to think about this. do you think if i add something about her befriending one of the other hybrids that that would add to the stakes? b/c then she wouldn't just have to deal with the consequences for herself, but also for her re...
by lexcade
June 3rd, 2010, 4:41 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

ok. i've taken the feed back i got from here and query tracker, and i got this: Dear Agent: When the government tasked geneticist Janelle Gray with modifying its genetic cross-mutation experiment, she never expected her technology to work, but it did—on her. A panther-human hybrid, she’s the crownin...
by lexcade
June 2nd, 2010, 11:20 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

thanks everyone for the strong input. i'm actually kind of excited about trying again. you guys are helping me focus a bit more. i really needed that. you guys are AWESOME. joel, i don't even know how many times i've rewritten parts. i started the entire book over a few years ago because i didn't ha...
by lexcade
June 2nd, 2010, 12:43 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

...? probably still tmi, but it might have some promise. Dear Agent: Broken lives, destroyed families, murders—geneticist Janelle Gray is responsible, and she doesn’t even know it. Her technology was supposed to revolutionize the Humani Project, the government-funded genetic cross-mutation experimen...
by lexcade
May 31st, 2010, 4:00 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant
Replies: 50
Views: 7524

Re: dirge of the desert - new attempt, new slant

taking what hillary suggested and trying to shove a few things in. i feel like this one has more voice, at least. and hopefully isn't too...un...good? Dear Agent: Janelle went to sleep a geneticist; today, she’s the crowning achievement of her own experiment. And she can’t remember a thing. Mutated ...
by lexcade
May 31st, 2010, 1:24 am
Forum: Books
Topic: Characters that make you swoon
Replies: 7
Views: 3283

Re: Characters that make you swoon

lestat. 1) he's sexy. 2) he's suave. 3) he's a rock star. i'd just change how in the later books he gets all emo and depressed. i LOVED the lestat in interview with the vampire, and then when i got to know him through the vampire lestat, i was hooked. i want that lestat back! i loves 'em naughty.