Nathan Bransford - The Forums

I would definitely elaborate more on the second paragraph. It seems a bit vague. What's the life-changing deal? What's the All Races Council and what are they saving him from? And what exactly is Birch Stew? I see where you're coming form with the query, though. As writers, we always have our ideas ...

Thank you to anyone who takes the opportunity to read my query and help! My biggest issue right now and deciding if my novel is science fiction or fantasy--or both. It's the first draft, so please make it bleed! Thanks! Dear …: “ The Skater is born that day. He’s a hero to represent all of us in tim...

Thank you both!

So I've been on other boards and have been getting different advice. One person told me to cut one thing from my first 5 pages--another told me to add it in. So I've posted two different versions of my opening pages and really need advice on which to keep. Or maybe I should combine the two?? October...

You're all seriously the best. I am so happy with what my query has turned into, and it's thanks to all of you. I didn't change the opening quote too much, but I very much appreciated all your advice LurkingVirologist. And thank you again, Shipple!!! This might be the final draft! Dear …: “ It’s tha...

Thank you so much, Shipple! I agreed with everything you said and made the changes so once again... *REVISED* Dear …: “ It’s that person’s mission,” he told me. “When someone dies, I believe that means whatever they were put on earth to do is fulfilled—whether it’s to touch people’s lives, inspire a...

*REVISED* It’s that person’s mission. When someone dies, I believe that means whatever they were put on earth to do is fulfilled—whether it’s to touch people’s lives, inspire a soul, or to make a mark, when they’ve done so, it's just God calling them back. You might never figure out someone’s missi...

Red means cut! Blue means change! 100 years of peace between Ordinals (ordinary mortals) and Otherkin races ends on day 101 … (Unforunately, the ellipse has become so cliche that if I were reading over your query and saw it in the first sentence, I'd be a bit turned off. And what does 'day 101' mea...

If I were an agent, even with this query that needs a little more work I'd definitely be requesting more! Good luck!

There seem to be a lot of names mentioned (which is completely understandable). However, I found myself going back up to the first paragraph to remember who was who. Instead of repeating the name of a character in the following sentence, try using a pronoun. Or when referring to Trixie you could sub...

That book is actually on my 'to-read' list! And thank you for that--I'll definitely be taking your advice into consideration.

A good query but I would recommend making the opening sentence a bit more eye catching. Unfortunately, there are agents who will be judging the letter on those first few sentences. There needs to be a hook! I think you should rearrange it so the opening line isn't providing the information about gen...

That's great news! Hope all goes well.

So I just found this site and think it's wonderful that fellow writers can help critique other writers' queries! If anyone can help me out on my query, I'd really appreciate it! I did block out some names for the privacy of those mentioned. “It’s that person’s mission. When someone dies, I believe t...