Search found 14 matches

by jenad
January 3rd, 2013, 2:10 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - MG Fantasy
Replies: 5
Views: 1698

Re: Query - MG Fantasy

I would definitely elaborate more on the second paragraph. It seems a bit vague. What's the life-changing deal? What's the All Races Council and what are they saving him from? And what exactly is Birch Stew? I see where you're coming form with the query, though. As writers, we always have our ideas ...
by jenad
January 3rd, 2013, 2:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE SKATER: YA Science/Fantasy Fiction
Replies: 1
Views: 877

THE SKATER: YA Science/Fantasy Fiction

Thank you to anyone who takes the opportunity to read my query and help! My biggest issue right now and deciding if my novel is science fiction or fantasy--or both. It's the first draft, so please make it bleed! Thanks! Dear …: “ The Skater is born that day. He’s a hero to represent all of us in tim...
by jenad
August 23rd, 2012, 2:52 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Help! YA Historical Fiction--TROOPER
Replies: 3
Views: 3054

Re: Help! YA Historical Fiction--TROOPER

Thank you both!
by jenad
August 19th, 2012, 7:31 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Help! YA Historical Fiction--TROOPER
Replies: 3
Views: 3054

Help! YA Historical Fiction--TROOPER

So I've been on other boards and have been getting different advice. One person told me to cut one thing from my first 5 pages--another told me to add it in. So I've posted two different versions of my opening pages and really need advice on which to keep. Or maybe I should combine the two?? October...
by jenad
August 12th, 2012, 12:02 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Historical Fiction Novel--Trooper
Replies: 8
Views: 1646

Re: YA Historical Fiction Novel--Trooper

You're all seriously the best. I am so happy with what my query has turned into, and it's thanks to all of you. I didn't change the opening quote too much, but I very much appreciated all your advice LurkingVirologist. And thank you again, Shipple!!! This might be the final draft! Dear …: “ It’s tha...
by jenad
August 11th, 2012, 12:03 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Historical Fiction Novel--Trooper
Replies: 8
Views: 1646

Re: YA Historical Fiction Novel--Trooper

Thank you so much, Shipple! I agreed with everything you said and made the changes so once again... *REVISED* Dear …: “ It’s that person’s mission,” he told me. “When someone dies, I believe that means whatever they were put on earth to do is fulfilled—whether it’s to touch people’s lives, inspire a...
by jenad
August 10th, 2012, 12:31 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Historical Fiction Novel--Trooper
Replies: 8
Views: 1646

Re: YA Historical Fiction Novel--Trooper

*REVISED* It’s that person’s mission. When someone dies, I believe that means whatever they were put on earth to do is fulfilled—whether it’s to touch people’s lives, inspire a soul, or to make a mark, when they’ve done so, it's just God calling them back. You might never figure out someone’s missi...
by jenad
August 9th, 2012, 12:32 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Revised-YA Fantasy THE LEGEND OF TAIRN GIRE
Replies: 10
Views: 3353

Re: Query: THE LEGEND OF TAIRN GIRE: A PROPHESY REVISITED

Red means cut! Blue means change! 100 years of peace between Ordinals (ordinary mortals) and Otherkin races ends on day 101 … (Unforunately, the ellipse has become so cliche that if I were reading over your query and saw it in the first sentence, I'd be a bit turned off. And what does 'day 101' mea...
by jenad
August 9th, 2012, 12:19 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: MG Query: Under Sentinel Guard
Replies: 11
Views: 3271

Re: MG Query: Under Sentinel Guard

If I were an agent, even with this query that needs a little more work I'd definitely be requesting more! Good luck!
by jenad
August 8th, 2012, 9:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Rain on Your Wedding Day (Commercial Fiction)
Replies: 11
Views: 2519

Re: Query: Rain on Your Wedding Day (Commercial Fiction)

There seem to be a lot of names mentioned (which is completely understandable). However, I found myself going back up to the first paragraph to remember who was who. Instead of repeating the name of a character in the following sentence, try using a pronoun. Or when referring to Trixie you could sub...
by jenad
August 8th, 2012, 9:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Historical Fiction Novel--Trooper
Replies: 8
Views: 1646

Re: YA Historical Fiction Novel--Trooper

That book is actually on my 'to-read' list! And thank you for that--I'll definitely be taking your advice into consideration.
by jenad
August 6th, 2012, 1:41 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: WILD SUNFLOWERS historical women's novel
Replies: 4
Views: 2432

Re: WILD SUNFLOWERS historical women's novel

A good query but I would recommend making the opening sentence a bit more eye catching. Unfortunately, there are agents who will be judging the letter on those first few sentences. There needs to be a hook! I think you should rearrange it so the opening line isn't providing the information about gen...
by jenad
August 6th, 2012, 1:32 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.
Replies: 18
Views: 5450

Re: Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.

That's great news! Hope all goes well.
by jenad
August 5th, 2012, 10:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Historical Fiction Novel--Trooper
Replies: 8
Views: 1646

YA Historical Fiction Novel--Trooper

So I just found this site and think it's wonderful that fellow writers can help critique other writers' queries! If anyone can help me out on my query, I'd really appreciate it! I did block out some names for the privacy of those mentioned. “It’s that person’s mission. When someone dies, I believe t...