Nathan Bransford - The Forums

I changed things around again-LOL! Here's the latest version. What do you think? A kingdom united, equality among races-Prince Agmund’s dreams for the future, but an unidentified sorcerer pictures something else, and his vision doesn’t include the prince. Twelve year-old Agmund rolls his eyes when h...

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Thank you for your comments on my query. I hope to be as helpful :) Let's take a look: Genies are supposed to live in bottles and grant wishes. Mermaids are supposed to have tails and shipwreck sailors. Maybe that's why Alassa has never told her children, Aimon and Leuca, her big secret. This hook d...

Ok, I tried to take everyone's thoughts into account, adopting what I thought were the most insightful tips. Here is the update: A kingdom united, equality among races-Prince Agmund’s dreams for the future, but an unidentified sorcerer pictures something else, and his vision doesn’t include the pri...

Thanks everyone-I guess I need to take a look at this baby again! theWallflower I'm not worried about the word count just yet. YA fantasies can top out at around 100,000.

Thanks Allie! Here is my new rewrite-a bit harder keeping it to that 250 mark I might add :) Tell me what you think... 100 years of peace between Ordinals (ordinary mortals) and Otherkin races ends on day 101… For Twelve year-old Prince Agmund, heir to the throne of Tairn Gire, disenchantment with h...

Hi! Let's take a look: Overcome by a sense of the divine, Hoffman College student Jimmy Naylor steps out of the shower. Oblivious to his lack of clothes, Naylor climbs to the roof of his Strasbourg hotel and shouts prophecies at the tourists stumbling out of bars and bistros. “Naked Prophecy in Stra...

Hi! The title alone intrigued me, so let's take a look: Ordinary thirteen-year-old Eric Ortega wakes up surrounded by hospital equipment and covered with a flowered quilt. Before he can figure out what’s going on, a centaur clip-clops in and introduces himself as Eric’s healer. Next, his sister is t...

Hi! Let's take a look: ar Agent-lady-dude: Ten year old Ionikus Reaves dreams of the days before the Draft, when his mother was still alive, and his father and sister weren’t off fighting in some stupid war for the Olympian gods. Now Ion's working as a slave for the meanest, ugliest, wartiest judge ...

Hi! Let's take a look: Sixteen-year-old Wren is Tainted. Nice beginning! Short and sweet and intriguing. Spider-web black scars mar the other Tainted banished from Cloven, but Wren is different. Her skin is pale and perfect—but dangerous. Love these two sentences. The writing is crisp and clear. I'm...

Ok, I've been dishing out advice, but now it's my time to see what you think. Here is my query: Looks can be deceiving…even in a kingdom celebrating 100 years of peace between Ordinals (ordinary mortals) and Otherkin races. 12 year-old Prince Agmund knows this first hand. As King Ulrich Kingston’s o...

Hi! Ok, let's take a look: Wars are fought to bring about peace. Hmm...this is sort of understood. You need a more startling beginning to grab attention. When professional mercenary Taj befriends an ascetic and a philosopher he comes to know that life is worth much more than killing. Maybe: When pro...

Hi! Let's take a look at this: Will Morse lives alone in the remote North Georgia wilderness, lost in grief, sorrow, and regret. Ok, why is he lost? A fellow writer told me once to never write a feeling ie. sad, happy-show the feeling. Remember, this is the hook to catch an agent's eye-grab him and ...

Hi! Nothing brings out more fear than the old query letter (or worse, the synopsis) of your work, but let's take a look at yours and I'll tell you what I think. Rosa’s biggest problem is not that she lives in the cruel and punishing Woodlands. It’s not that the Superiors, the self-proclaimed protect...