Search found 19 matches
- July 24th, 2012, 4:24 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8753
Re: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
Her gods damned him. Her laws consigned him to the slum. Her bounty hunters left his body riddled with scars. Her patrolmen had broken his nose so often it could no longer break. And her people cheered while his sister burned, screaming his name, Neeku. Tomorrow, the queen's daughter gets married. B...
- July 24th, 2012, 10:12 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8753
- July 24th, 2012, 9:19 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Remnant: revised query
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3455
Re: The Remnant: revised query
Here's my latest version of the query letter. I thought I would start a new topic so readers will not have to go through all my earlier drafts. Thanks to RStearns, Cheeky, Lurking, Mark, and Hagen for their comments. Overcome by a sense of the divine, Hoffman College student Jimmy Naylor steps out ...
- July 24th, 2012, 9:12 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: MG Query: Under Sentinel Guard
- Replies: 11
- Views: 5776
Re: MG Query: Under Sentinel Guard
Ordinary thirteen-year-old Eric Ortega wakes up surrounded by hospital equipment and covered with a flowered quilt. Before he can figure out what’s going on, a centaur clip-clops in and introduces himself as Eric’s healer. Next, his sister is telling him that he’s been sick, and she married a guy w...
- July 22nd, 2012, 10:09 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query snarl: SHADOWPLAY (REVISED) - New Version @ Post 8
- Replies: 8
- Views: 5087
Re: Query snarl: SHADOWPLAY
The problem with inner demons is they're always trying to gnaw their way out. (I like it.) Lily, a foul-mouthed Gilman Steet gutter-punk, didn't think her life mattered to anyone, least of all her - until the morning she woke up cold, dead, and alone. Haunted by a presence that invokes fear or revu...
- July 22nd, 2012, 7:07 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8753
Re: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
Neeku never thought he would live to see twenty-three. Though his splotchy, cuttlefish skin makes stealing easy, his mushroom city is brimming with bounty hunters, all looking for color-changing Sneaks like him. Waking up one day, he finds his twin missing. Bounty hunters. Panicking, he hurries to s...
- July 21st, 2012, 9:09 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8753
Re: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
178 words: Neeku never thought he would live to see twenty-three. Though his splotchy, cuttlefish skin makes stealing easy, his mushroom city is brimming with bounty hunters, all looking for color-changing Sneaks like him. Waking up one day, he finds his twin is missing. Bounty hunters. Panicking, h...
- July 19th, 2012, 5:50 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8753
Re: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
How about this: Neeku lives in a city built atop giant mushrooms. He’s no ordinary fungaloid, the spore from which his spirit came cursed him with splotchy skin that changes colors like a cuttlefish. The spots are considered shameful, and at age six, Neeku and his twin are abandoned in the slum, lef...
- July 19th, 2012, 1:37 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8753
Re: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
Much better. I don't think so. I think it's dreadfully boring. How about this: Neeku is a fungaloid living in a city built atop giant mushrooms. He’s no ordinary fungaloid, the spore from which his spirit was drawn cursed him with splotchy skin that changes colors like a cuttlefish, allowing him to...
- July 19th, 2012, 12:06 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8753
Re: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
Thanks for having a look at this! [quote="elbowpatch"] Hagen, > Who is Traju and why is his dagger important? I always think that if you can't figure out a book's title from its query there's a problem with either the title or the query. Traju's dagger is the symbol around which the story'...
- July 19th, 2012, 12:21 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8753
Re: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
-I like the paragraph beginning "reflecting" -the novel seems way too long. Any chance you could make two novels out of it? -I think you have too much detail in this query. Seems confusing for the reader. Could try having less information but explaining that info better? Also you might tr...
- July 18th, 2012, 10:54 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8753
Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
The capture and public execution of Neeku’s beloved twin couldn’t have come at a better time. A good omen. Or so the queen said on the eve of her daughter’s wedding. What better way to thank the gods than by reining in the thieving abominations that mock them? A thief, yes. An abomination, true – li...
- July 18th, 2012, 6:54 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: The Remnant: revised
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5112
Re: Query: The Remnant: revised
Thanks to everyone for slapping me around a bit. I need it. Here's the revised version with less flab and more explicit stakes. I'm not sure about the last sentence. Overcome by a sense of the divine, Hoffman College student Jimmy Naylor steps out of the shower. Oblivious to his lack of clothes, Na...
- July 18th, 2012, 10:24 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Sacrificial Kingdom - Epic Fantasy
- Replies: 4
- Views: 5869
Re: Sacrificial Kingdom - Epic Fantasy
Hey, This the opening to the last thing I wrote before, well, I got a little lost I guess....=0) Really I'm just after some feedback on the writing at the moment. I lean toward verbosity and purple prose and just wondered if it's either getting in the way or adequate enough to suffice? Is the voice...
- July 18th, 2012, 8:30 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query from an Aussie, YA, Title: The Woodlands
- Replies: 8
- Views: 3434
Re: Query from an Aussie, YA, Title: The Woodlands
I'm no expert, but I'll have a crack at this. I am currently seeking representation (<-- You can cut that - it's pretty much implied.) for THE WOODLANDS, my completed young adult, dystopian adventure novel of 82,500 words. The target age range is 13-18 years. (<-- Personally, I'd put all this info ...