Search found 17 matches
- September 3rd, 2012, 9:21 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
Newest revision! Ten-year-old Ionikus Reaves is the freak with the iron jaw--thanks to the gods of Olympus. When the Olympians order a draft to aid their forces in the war outside Atlantis, Father binds the iron to Ion’s skin with magic, without an explanation, and moments before the guards appear a...
- August 29th, 2012, 11:48 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 213
- Views: 183495
Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Dear Mr. Bransford: Dear Agent: For six months now, the only thing stranger than ten-year-old Ionikus Reaves’s freckles has been his jaw of iron. It’s heavy, cold, and the only use it seems to have is attracting unwanted attention. Father never explained why he magically attached it. He was drafted ...
- August 29th, 2012, 11:41 pm
- Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
- Topic: Beta partners needed for a completed, polished YA Fantasy
- Replies: 3
- Views: 4328
Re: Beta partners needed for a completed, polished YA Fantasy
Would love to swap a few pages and see if we're a fit for CP's. I've written a 75,000 word MG manuscript about a boy's uncertain journey into godhood.
Looking forward to a reply,
Nik
Looking forward to a reply,
Nik
- August 27th, 2012, 8:54 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
Well, post #13 was the latest revision, but the manuscript is all "done". Cept a few nit-picks I'll run through. Would you like to take a look? Always open for some beta readers!
Nik
Nik
- August 27th, 2012, 6:30 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
Aww thanks Lindsay, but that wasn't my latest version
- August 27th, 2012, 2:16 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
Alright, so I've finished my revisions to my manuscript, so now it's time to really focus on this query letter. Here's my latest draft if anyone wants at it :) Dear Ms. Agent: For six months now, ten-year-old Ionikus Reaves has lived with a jaw of iron. It’s heavy, and cold, and the only use it seem...
- August 4th, 2012, 2:37 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
haha thanks for the look suef, but my newest draft was on page two It includes a lot of what you're talking about, especially including what happens in the first 20 pages.
- August 2nd, 2012, 12:58 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
Made it a tad more mature -- I think I'm getting there :) Dear Ms. Agent: For six months now, ten-year-old Ionikus Reaves has lived with a jaw of iron. It’s heavy, and cold, and everyone on Atlantis stares when he walks by. Worse yet, Father was the one who attached it to him, right before the Detai...
- August 1st, 2012, 7:09 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
Yeah, next step is to get down to the voice. The manuscript is humorous, but mainly serious, so I think I'll need to go more mysterious/ominous in the query. I'd prefer it that way, except it's an MG manuscript, and petulance is often favored in that arena. Decisions, Decisions...
- August 1st, 2012, 4:17 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
After a bit of a vacation, I've returned to my query (throws confetti). I'm working on a new draft after sending out a few and coming up empty-handed. Here's the newest version. It's a bit rough, but I'm focusing more on the book's selling point: Ion's jaw. Have at it :) Dear Ms. Agent: For six mont...
- July 16th, 2012, 3:04 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
Reworked a few things. I think I got the macaroons joke back? No? Yes? The jaw part is going to be incredibly complicated to explain; I'll either have to base the entire query off it, or leave it out completely and let the agent wonder, which could be good or bad. Not sure about the ending--will def...
- July 15th, 2012, 9:51 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
*Sighs, exhausted. Here's the newest draft. I think I'm gonna let it sit for a bit, but I'll be taking any advice in the meantime :) Dear Ms. Agent: Ten-year-old Ionikus Reaves dreams of the days before the Draft, when his mother was still alive and his father wasn’t forced to fight in some stupid w...
- July 15th, 2012, 2:50 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
Thanks for the idea, elbowpatch. Glad you had a problem with that, because I did too haha So after some great advice, here's my newest revision. It's a tad longer than I'd like, but I believe I've managed to explain what I couldn't before. A long query isn't horrible, though--so long as it's an inte...
- July 14th, 2012, 3:34 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12473
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
Thanks for the critiques! Lots of options to think about now haha The Draft was basically conscription, where an entire race of the island was drafted into this war outside Atlantis, so Ion's father and sister are off fighting in it out of forced service, which is why I refer to Ion "freeing&qu...
- July 14th, 2012, 4:37 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: MG: Pirate of Vallenta - REVISED AGAIN - FEEDBACK WELCOME
- Replies: 13
- Views: 5861
Re: MG: Pirate of Vallenta - REVISED AGAIN - FEEDBACK WELCOME
I think, if you'd like to improve the flow of the query, perhaps you should look at all the names you've dropped on the agent in only a few paragraphs. Mentioning all of these names brings me out of the MC's head/world, and I want to get to him/her/it first. And that's not just me--I've seen many po...