Search found 5 matches

by macaronimagpie
July 10th, 2012, 10:56 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Tidal Wave - YA Fantasy
Replies: 6
Views: 1430

Re: Tidal Wave - YA Fantasy

Thank you all for the feedback! The main character thing is an issue because they're both the main characters. I opened with Venice because she has the initial POV in the book. I didn't want the query to feel like the whole thing was about Venice though, because I was worried it would be too confusi...
by macaronimagpie
July 6th, 2012, 12:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Tidal Wave - YA Fantasy
Replies: 6
Views: 1430

Tidal Wave - YA Fantasy

Venice met the boy who killed her on the fourteenth of June.  On the fifteenth she kissed him. On the twenty-fourth she found out he was cursed. On the twenty-ninth she tried to break it with some salt and a bit of paper. On the thirtieth he drowned her. On the twenty-ninth he felt bad about it. Now...
by macaronimagpie
July 6th, 2012, 12:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: WITH A VENGEANCE: Paranormal Mystery Edited
Replies: 6
Views: 2093

Re: WITH A VENGEANCE: Paranormal Mystery Edited

I agree with the previous poster, you have a strong voice. This sounds like a really good book, I'm just not sure you're getting it across very well. The first paragraph feels redundant with the second paragraph, and I also wanted to understand a little more of the why behind it. Why did they kill h...
by macaronimagpie
July 6th, 2012, 12:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: WILD SUNFLOWERS historical women's novel
Replies: 4
Views: 2470

Re: WILD SUNFLOWERS historical women's novel

I don't even, I just love this. Your writing is brilliant. The only suggestion I have is that from my query shark reading I know she likes to suggest that you start with your main character right off the bat, but you spend your first sentence giving details like title, setting and word count, then s...
by macaronimagpie
July 6th, 2012, 11:57 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Seeking help with my query for THE FINAL CLUE
Replies: 6
Views: 1626

Re: Seeking help with my query for THE FINAL CLUE

*blink* *head tilt* Have I seen this before? Was your query on query shark? Anyway. I feel like the first version has more suspense in it, because it leaves the reader wondering who the villain is. Setting up three characters feels like a bit too much for a query. Both queries read like they were mi...