Search found 24 matches
- August 3rd, 2012, 12:43 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.
- Replies: 18
- Views: 10406
Re: Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.
Congrats and good luck.
- August 1st, 2012, 5:48 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12495
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
I like the emphasis on the jaw. Not sure I like the phrase decidedly the worst, sounds petulant and not particularly descriptive. There may be some issue with tone as well. I guess you're trying to keep it a bit cheeky, which works well with the macaroons and wartiest, but not necessarily with blink...
- July 30th, 2012, 12:36 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.
- Replies: 18
- Views: 10406
Re: Queries make this aussie girl feel stupid.
Lauren, I'm definitely not your audience, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. In general I like your premise, but I think that trumpeting the relationship at the expense of the dystopian aspects of your novel doesn't serve you well. Another go..... What do you do when you’ve been forced t...
- July 26th, 2012, 9:56 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Remnant: revised query
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3468
Re: The Remnant: revised query
Thanks for the advice.
- July 20th, 2012, 8:28 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query snarl: SHADOWPLAY (REVISED) - New Version @ Post 8
- Replies: 8
- Views: 5100
Re: Query snarl: SHADOWPLAY
Thanks for all your help with mine. There's some good stuff here, but see my comments below. So I'm almost done editing my WiP, and a bit stuck on my query. Before I contaminate the jury pool, as it were, by explaining what I think my problems are, I was hoping to get a first impression on what I've...
- July 20th, 2012, 8:09 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Remnant: revised query
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3468
The Remnant: revised query
Here's my latest version of the query letter. I thought I would start a new topic so readers will not have to go through all my earlier drafts. Thanks to RStearns, Cheeky, Lurking, Mark, and Hagen for their comments. Overcome by a sense of the divine, Hoffman College student Jimmy Naylor steps out o...
- July 20th, 2012, 7:57 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8778
Re: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
For what it's worth I agree with Elsinora with the caveat that the following sentences of yours (or similar ones which convey the same information) should be in the Query. Neeku is a fungaloid living in a city built atop giant mushrooms. He’s no ordinary fungaloid, the spore from which his spirit wa...
- July 19th, 2012, 1:27 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8778
Re: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
Much better.
- July 19th, 2012, 10:11 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
- Replies: 19
- Views: 8778
Re: Query: Traju's Dagger (Epic Fantasy)
Hagen, Thanks for all your help with my query. Here's some general questions and then I will get to the nitty gritty. Who is Traju and why is his dagger important? I always think that if you can't figure out a book's title from its query there's a problem with either the title or the query. Fungalo...
- July 18th, 2012, 4:08 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: The Remnant: revised
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5131
Re: Query: The Remnant: revised
Thanks to everyone for slapping me around a bit. I need it. Here's the revised version with less flab and more explicit stakes. I'm not sure about the last sentence. Overcome by a sense of the divine, Hoffman College student Jimmy Naylor steps out of the shower. Oblivious to his lack of clothes, Nay...
- July 17th, 2012, 8:06 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: The Remnant: revised
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5131
Re: Query: The Remnant: revised
Thanks Hagen, I see your point, but my main trouble is that I don't have a main character, I have an ensemble cast and my action occurs in the 1530s and the 2000s, so I could describe the story from the perspective of Ben Israel or the Portly Man, or the student who gets recruited by the Remnant, bu...
- July 17th, 2012, 11:06 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: QUERY: YA or MG? BOOK I OF THE SIGHT
- Replies: 23
- Views: 10282
Re: QUERY: YA or MG? BOOK I OF THE SIGHT
I like it as well, but can I suggest some small stylistic changes. QUERY: When fourteen-year-old Katie takes a test, she expects to ace it, but when everyone else bombs a bio pop quiz, she discovers she’s not just smart—she’s psychic. This sentence seems to do too much, May I suggest a series of sho...
- July 15th, 2012, 3:59 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12495
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
Like it, though I'm still trying to figure out why Ion has an iron jaw...
Can I suggest a rewrite of the last sentence:
But all spirits work for one being, who imprisoned deep beneath the academy cares only to free himself.
Can I suggest a rewrite of the last sentence:
But all spirits work for one being, who imprisoned deep beneath the academy cares only to free himself.
- July 15th, 2012, 11:23 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
- Replies: 24
- Views: 12495
Re: Query: THE IRON-JAWED BOY AND THE CRY OF THE BANSHEE
I like your diction especially wartiest and macaroons Your title is also catchy, is there any way you can fit an explanation of it into the query? I wonder if you might explain how someone can just become a god. Is your book working within standard Greek mythology tropes? If so, then the only way Io...
- July 15th, 2012, 10:44 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: The Remnant: revised
- Replies: 12
- Views: 5131
Re: Query: The Remnant
Thanks Cheeky, Mark, Lurking, and R, Here's the revised version: Overcome by a sense of the divine, Hoffman college student Jimmy Naylor steps out of the shower. Oblivious to the fact that he is naked and dripping, Naylor climbs to the roof of his Strasbourg hotel and shouts prophecies at the touris...