Search found 5 matches

by SMB
June 22nd, 2012, 12:52 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: DREAMER: YA
Replies: 4
Views: 2051

Re: DREAMER: YA

I completely agree with QueenViv (especially on the part that Query letters are torture) but I feel she has very good points on your QL. Besides cleaning it up, I would also add a great opening hook line. Something like: “Rory’s has a gift, which is also her burden. Her dreams come true.” Something ...
by SMB
June 22nd, 2012, 12:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
Replies: 9
Views: 2761

Re: QUERY: Serendipity

It’s just my opinion and I struggle with these as well, but I would start out with the story. Immediately start with the action to hook them then go into how you read their blog. It’s like when I flip over a book to read the backcover and if it doesn’t grab me right away or goes into stuff about the...
by SMB
June 20th, 2012, 1:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - The Vanguard: Uprising
Replies: 12
Views: 2151

Re: QUERY - The Vanguard: Uprising

Now, look how your query turns out: Dear [Agent name], I chose to submit to you because of your wonderful taste in [genre], and because you [personalized tidbit about agent]. [protagonist name] is a [description of protagonist] living in [setting]. But when [complicating incident], [protagonist nam...
by SMB
June 19th, 2012, 11:50 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - The Vanguard: Uprising
Replies: 12
Views: 2151

Re: QUERY - The Vanguard: Uprising

I agree with the advice so far that there was to much backstory, but I liked the first line of your 1st QL. You need something that brings the reader in immediately. Jump right into the action/conflict. You want the reader to WANT more…a tease…enough that they want to know more about this world and ...
by SMB
June 19th, 2012, 10:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Eitan: Legacy of Light- YA fantasy
Replies: 7
Views: 2062

Re: Eitan: Legacy of Light- YA fantasy

Good luck! The revisions you’ve done on your QL are good. It would make me want to ask to see more.