Search found 13 matches
- October 15th, 2013, 8:31 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SYMBIOTE: THE LOST GIRL - YA/SF Query
- Replies: 1
- Views: 2449
SYMBIOTE: THE LOST GIRL - YA/SF Query
Hey, guys! Long time no see. Real life tossed me a couple of Deus ex machinas and I had to focus on those before I could get back to writing. But I have a new project and a new Query. Let me know what you think. Dear Mr./ Ms. Agent: Charlie Bennett died in a car accident at sixteen. Ten years later,...
- July 12th, 2012, 10:10 pm
- Forum: Books
- Topic: What are you reading now?
- Replies: 528
- Views: 310058
Re: What are you reading now?
OK. I've recently finished reading my first Dean Koontz novel - BROTHER ODD. I am his newest fan. Wow, the man can write! I've been hearing great things about him for a while now... from several different sources. I'll probably pick something he wrote soon. Right now I'm reading The Night Circus. A...
- July 12th, 2012, 9:40 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: PRINCESS OF SWANS -- YA Fantasy
- Replies: 12
- Views: 6302
Re: PRINCESS OF SWANS -- YA Fantasy
Highlighted some text in blue and then commented in []. Red is stuff I'd suggest taking out. "Feyana Belmaron, Princess of Swans, is a prisoner in her own realm. After a wartime disaster killed [kills - keep it present tense] the queen and disfigured Feyana's face [Awesome - keep this! Too man...
- July 12th, 2012, 7:14 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
- Replies: 9
- Views: 5148
Re: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
Hey, guys! Thanks for the great input! I worked out some of the problems you guys mentioned. I think I'm getting to a point where I can consider this query finished! Oh, thanks to Brian_H for mentioning the grammatical mistake. It really is "attacks". And another thanks to LurkingVirologis...
- July 11th, 2012, 12:28 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
- Replies: 9
- Views: 5148
Re: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 04
Thanks, Elsinora!!! I think I'll keep most of the tiding up you suggested (for which I'm truly grateful.). i think I'll keep most of them. I just made two basic changes. The changes were made to adapt the query to the story itself. Here it is (changes are in red): Dear Mr./Ms. Agent: Princess Maya o...
- June 26th, 2012, 11:03 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
- Replies: 9
- Views: 5148
Re: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 04
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent: Maya of Veranneah is a princess who plans to use her witchcraft to rid the world of bad guys and live adventures in faraway lands. But this is in the distant future – at the end of the year, when High School ends. What Maya doesn’t know is that the bad guys she hopes to fight som...
- June 22nd, 2012, 6:59 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
- Replies: 9
- Views: 5148
Re: QUERY: Serendipity
It’s just my opinion and I struggle with these as well, but I would start out with the story. Immediately start with the action to hook them then go into how you read their blog. It’s like when I flip over a book to read the backcover and if it doesn’t grab me right away or goes into stuff about th...
- June 20th, 2012, 4:19 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
- Replies: 9
- Views: 5148
QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
Hey, guys I've worked on this query for weeks now and I feel like I totally lost my objectivity. I'd appreciate any constructive feedback. This is just a basic template made of personalized blurb about the agent + query + polite goodbye. Dear Mr./ Ms. Agent I have been reading your blog for xxx year...
- June 20th, 2012, 3:33 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Eitan: Legacy of Light- YA fantasy
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3802
Re: Eitan: Legacy of Light- YA fantasy
This is definitely going in the "I need to see more" direction! I'd just make a couple of changes*. Before you read them, I should say I'm just giving an opinion here - one out of several out there. Some people will tell you to add more stuff, others will tell you to remove stuff. Some wil...
- June 19th, 2012, 2:58 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Eitan: Legacy of Light- YA fantasy
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3802
Re: Eitan: Legacy of Light- YA fantasy
Hey, Karma I'm new to this critiquing thing but I hope I can help: I like the way you cleaned up the first paragraph. This has energy and voice. I can tell who Ethan is. But I don't think queries are supposed to be written in the first person. (if you mentioned changing this, I apologize. I'm way to...
- June 19th, 2012, 2:04 pm
- Forum: Books
- Topic: What are you reading now?
- Replies: 528
- Views: 310058
Re: What are you reading now?
I can't read multiple books at once. It's hard enough to read for my crit group, read for another friend, write my own, and read a book for fun! Currently reading Anne Nesbit's CABINET OF EARTHS. I was reading two or three books at a time for the first three months of the year. Then I started Clash...
- June 18th, 2012, 8:59 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: DREAMER: YA
- Replies: 4
- Views: 3445
Re: DREAMER: YA
I think this query has great potential. The story sounds really interesting. I am just making three comments: 1. the other twin helps her somehow? or is he just there to add conflict in the love department? I don't know. I kept thinking about what he might add to the story other than hotness (not th...
- June 12th, 2012, 6:37 pm
- Forum: Town Hall
- Topic: The Introduction Thread
- Replies: 647
- Views: 406852
Re: The Introduction Thread
Hi, guys my name is Vivian and I've been writing for most of my life. After college, I decided to get myself out there and try to find an agent. But first, I had to overcome one small problem: how do you write a novel? Yep! I started with poetry as a kid and moved to short stories as a teen but I sp...