Search found 13 matches

by QueenViv
October 15th, 2013, 8:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: SYMBIOTE: THE LOST GIRL - YA/SF Query
Replies: 1
Views: 1324

SYMBIOTE: THE LOST GIRL - YA/SF Query

Hey, guys! Long time no see. Real life tossed me a couple of Deus ex machinas and I had to focus on those before I could get back to writing. But I have a new project and a new Query. Let me know what you think. Dear Mr./ Ms. Agent: Charlie Bennett died in a car accident at sixteen. Ten years later,...
by QueenViv
July 12th, 2012, 10:10 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: What are you reading now?
Replies: 522
Views: 147290

Re: What are you reading now?

OK. I've recently finished reading my first Dean Koontz novel - BROTHER ODD. I am his newest fan. Wow, the man can write! I've been hearing great things about him for a while now... from several different sources. I'll probably pick something he wrote soon. Right now I'm reading The Night Circus. A...
by QueenViv
July 12th, 2012, 9:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: PRINCESS OF SWANS -- YA Fantasy
Replies: 12
Views: 2942

Re: PRINCESS OF SWANS -- YA Fantasy

Highlighted some text in blue and then commented in []. Red is stuff I'd suggest taking out. "Feyana Belmaron, Princess of Swans, is a prisoner in her own realm. After a wartime disaster killed [kills - keep it present tense] the queen and disfigured Feyana's face [Awesome - keep this! Too many pre...
by QueenViv
July 12th, 2012, 7:14 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
Replies: 9
Views: 2787

Re: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09

Hey, guys! Thanks for the great input! I worked out some of the problems you guys mentioned. I think I'm getting to a point where I can consider this query finished! Oh, thanks to Brian_H for mentioning the grammatical mistake. It really is "attacks". And another thanks to LurkingVirologist (btw, yo...
by QueenViv
July 11th, 2012, 12:28 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
Replies: 9
Views: 2787

Re: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 04

Thanks, Elsinora!!! I think I'll keep most of the tiding up you suggested (for which I'm truly grateful.). i think I'll keep most of them. I just made two basic changes. The changes were made to adapt the query to the story itself. Here it is (changes are in red): Dear Mr./Ms. Agent: Princess Maya o...
by QueenViv
June 26th, 2012, 11:03 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
Replies: 9
Views: 2787

Re: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 04

Dear Mr./Ms. Agent: Maya of Veranneah is a princess who plans to use her witchcraft to rid the world of bad guys and live adventures in faraway lands. But this is in the distant future – at the end of the year, when High School ends. What Maya doesn’t know is that the bad guys she hopes to fight som...
by QueenViv
June 22nd, 2012, 6:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
Replies: 9
Views: 2787

Re: QUERY: Serendipity

It’s just my opinion and I struggle with these as well, but I would start out with the story. Immediately start with the action to hook them then go into how you read their blog. It’s like when I flip over a book to read the backcover and if it doesn’t grab me right away or goes into stuff about th...
by QueenViv
June 20th, 2012, 4:19 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09
Replies: 9
Views: 2787

QUERY: Serendipity - New version on post 09

Hey, guys I've worked on this query for weeks now and I feel like I totally lost my objectivity. I'd appreciate any constructive feedback. This is just a basic template made of personalized blurb about the agent + query + polite goodbye. Dear Mr./ Ms. Agent I have been reading your blog for xxx year...
by QueenViv
June 20th, 2012, 3:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Eitan: Legacy of Light- YA fantasy
Replies: 7
Views: 2089

Re: Eitan: Legacy of Light- YA fantasy

This is definitely going in the "I need to see more" direction! I'd just make a couple of changes*. Before you read them, I should say I'm just giving an opinion here - one out of several out there. Some people will tell you to add more stuff, others will tell you to remove stuff. Some will even mak...
by QueenViv
June 19th, 2012, 2:58 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Eitan: Legacy of Light- YA fantasy
Replies: 7
Views: 2089

Re: Eitan: Legacy of Light- YA fantasy

Hey, Karma I'm new to this critiquing thing but I hope I can help: I like the way you cleaned up the first paragraph. This has energy and voice. I can tell who Ethan is. But I don't think queries are supposed to be written in the first person. (if you mentioned changing this, I apologize. I'm way to...
by QueenViv
June 19th, 2012, 2:04 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: What are you reading now?
Replies: 522
Views: 147290

Re: What are you reading now?

I can't read multiple books at once. It's hard enough to read for my crit group, read for another friend, write my own, and read a book for fun! Currently reading Anne Nesbit's CABINET OF EARTHS. I was reading two or three books at a time for the first three months of the year. Then I started Clash...
by QueenViv
June 18th, 2012, 8:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: DREAMER: YA
Replies: 4
Views: 2065

Re: DREAMER: YA

I think this query has great potential. The story sounds really interesting. I am just making three comments: 1. the other twin helps her somehow? or is he just there to add conflict in the love department? I don't know. I kept thinking about what he might add to the story other than hotness (not th...
by QueenViv
June 12th, 2012, 6:37 pm
Forum: Town Hall
Topic: The Introduction Thread
Replies: 618
Views: 196126

Re: The Introduction Thread

Hi, guys my name is Vivian and I've been writing for most of my life. After college, I decided to get myself out there and try to find an agent. But first, I had to overcome one small problem: how do you write a novel? Yep! I started with poetry as a kid and moved to short stories as a teen but I sp...