Search found 8 matches

by kabbu
February 28th, 2012, 6:03 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: YA or MG? BOOK I OF THE SIGHT
Replies: 24
Views: 4944

Re: QUERY: YA or MG? BOOK I OF THE SIGHT

The only thing I've got to add to what's already been said is that it feels like you have two opening lines for this. I'd probably go with either the she "aces every quiz" line or the "her teacher accidentally handed out next week's quiz" line. Having them both together feels like I'm being introduc...
by kabbu
February 28th, 2012, 5:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Lamb
Replies: 4
Views: 1002

Re: Query: The Lamb

Thank you for your advice, it's supposed to be somewhat mysterious as the whole story has that feel to it, but it's clear I'm keeping too much out of my query. How does this look? On November 11th, 2011, televangelist Charles Foster Wallace announced to the world his intention to create a god machin...
by kabbu
February 26th, 2012, 8:16 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: Re: All time Favorite movies
Replies: 22
Views: 10917

Re: All time Favorite movies

Magnolia
8 1/2
The Future
Brazil
The Deer Hunter
by kabbu
February 26th, 2012, 8:15 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: What pays your rent?
Replies: 39
Views: 10265

Re: What pays your rent?

Right now, blind luck pays the bills. Looking for any kind of paying work that'll keep enough food on the table right now.

That usually involves day labor.
by kabbu
February 26th, 2012, 4:56 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Lamb
Replies: 4
Views: 1002

Query: The Lamb

This is for the novel that was my NaNoWriMo this year. It needs a couple rewrites and some good editing, but I think it's got a solid grounding. On November 11th, 2011, televangelist Charles Foster Wallace announced to the world his intention to create a god machine. The only thing left, he would te...
by kabbu
February 23rd, 2012, 10:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for MG, humorous coming-of-age, REVISED on post 9
Replies: 12
Views: 1869

Re: Query for MG, humorous coming-of-age, REVISED on post 7

another try... Dear Agent , In 1952 Texas, ten-year-old Allan spends his days looking for excitement and the next big adventure. Capture a blood-spitting horny toad. Check. Watch the scariest movie to come to town. Check. Come up with a story good enough to win a contest. Check. Ride a bucking bron...
by kabbu
February 23rd, 2012, 10:04 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: In the Land of the Super-Geniuses
Replies: 7
Views: 3213

Re: In the Land of the Super-Geniuses

I love the concept, and your writing is very sharp. As others have mentioned, you need to work on the pacing a bit, as there's a lot that happens in a giant block of totally unrelated text. It works tremendously in some places (like your opening paragraph with the tie) but in others it made me feel ...
by kabbu
February 23rd, 2012, 9:41 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Never Remember *Revised*
Replies: 16
Views: 2868

Re: Query: Never Remember *Revised*

Overwriting is the best way to put it. There's a lot of information we don't need, and it's missing some of the important emotional context we do need. Don't worry about details of the plot (like the watchtower on the library) so much as setting the tone and flow of how your story is supposed to fee...