Search found 10 matches
- February 29th, 2012, 2:32 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
- Replies: 4
- Views: 3190
Re: Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
I'm going to start off by saying what an agent told me once "there is so much clever per square sentence, it's kinda wigging me out" I think the premise is interesting and I definitely like this second one better than the first. I think you're sorta getting lost though. Dwight Howard is a...
- February 29th, 2012, 11:55 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
- Replies: 4
- Views: 3190
Re: Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
Hey, thanks a lot for the criticism. How's this for a revision? Dwight Howard is an unhappy pet store dog trainer grappling with the malaise of a post-college existence and the meager rewards of a life in retail. Marooned in perpetual adolescence, parentless, and still living in his childhood home w...
- February 29th, 2012, 10:14 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
- Replies: 4
- Views: 3190
Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
If you are looking for quirky, edgy fiction with a touch of magical realism, then I’m the writer for you. Dwight Howard is an unhappy pet store dog trainer grappling with the ennui of a post-college existence and the meager rewards of a life in retail. Marooned in perpetual adolescence and still liv...
- February 24th, 2012, 11:50 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: First Chapter: Knightly (YA)
- Replies: 2
- Views: 16573
Re: First Chapter: Knightly (YA)
It reads well and moves quickly. I like how Raschelle says she's a mutant, not a fairy princess. I would change this sentence - " I don’t like the idea of having to be rescued by a prince in the 21st century, they run straight to the tabloids, not to the rescue of an ugly girl in Nowheresville ...
- February 22nd, 2012, 1:14 pm
- Forum: Books
- Topic: Your top-10 all-time favourite books
- Replies: 42
- Views: 20552
Re: Your top-10 all-time favourite books
Dune by Frank Herbert Catch-22 by Joseph Heller The Road by Cormac McCarthy The Broom of the System by David Foster Wallace Ubik by Philip K. Dick Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick Underworld by Don Delillo Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut L...
- February 22nd, 2012, 1:02 pm
- Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
- Topic: SYNOPSIS: Redemption For Liars - EDITED
- Replies: 5
- Views: 9579
Re: SYNOPSIS: Redemption For Liars - EDITED
It's good writing, but like the first poster said, it's still much too long. My synopsis for my first novel is 672 words and I think it needs to be shortened. 500 words should probably be your goal. I think you need to take out some of the description and make it more bare-bones. It read like the ba...
- February 22nd, 2012, 12:57 pm
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: Page 1 of "I am Alone"
- Replies: 9
- Views: 10198
Re: Page 1 of "I am Alone"
This is a pretty tiny excerpt, but I like that you open up in media res, giving us action. I might draw out the description of the actual assassination, maybe give a little more detail as to the surroundings or delve into what the killer is thinking - why is this routine for him, does he ever get an...
- February 22nd, 2012, 9:18 am
- Forum: Procrastination
- Topic: Re: All time Favorite movies
- Replies: 22
- Views: 18610
Re: All time Favorite movies
Pulp Fiction - I love when a movie's dialogue is just good for its own sake, instead of serving to relentlessly advance the plot. So many iconic scenes, the music...sure, it might be copied and pasted from a dozen different sources, but Pulp Fiction is undeniably a great movie. Predator - the perfec...
- February 22nd, 2012, 9:10 am
- Forum: Procrastination
- Topic: What pays your rent?
- Replies: 39
- Views: 20161
Re: What pays your rent?
I work at my family's apple orchard, so right now, in February, my cash dwindling cash horde is paying the rent.
- February 22nd, 2012, 9:02 am
- Forum: Excerpts
- Topic: The end result of reading way too much Hunter S. Thompson
- Replies: 1
- Views: 2831
Re: The end result of reading way too much Hunter S. Thompson
I like it, very much in his style. "Chardonney hair" is interesting, as is the mention of smelling a woman's pheromones.