Search found 10 matches

by gganate
February 29th, 2012, 2:32 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
Replies: 4
Views: 1766

Re: Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere

I'm going to start off by saying what an agent told me once "there is so much clever per square sentence, it's kinda wigging me out" I think the premise is interesting and I definitely like this second one better than the first. I think you're sorta getting lost though. Dwight Howard is an unhappy ...
by gganate
February 29th, 2012, 11:55 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
Replies: 4
Views: 1766

Re: Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere

Hey, thanks a lot for the criticism. How's this for a revision? Dwight Howard is an unhappy pet store dog trainer grappling with the malaise of a post-college existence and the meager rewards of a life in retail. Marooned in perpetual adolescence, parentless, and still living in his childhood home w...
by gganate
February 29th, 2012, 10:14 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
Replies: 4
Views: 1766

Query: Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere

If you are looking for quirky, edgy fiction with a touch of magical realism, then I’m the writer for you. Dwight Howard is an unhappy pet store dog trainer grappling with the ennui of a post-college existence and the meager rewards of a life in retail. Marooned in perpetual adolescence and still liv...
by gganate
February 24th, 2012, 11:50 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First Chapter: Knightly (YA)
Replies: 1
Views: 1987

Re: First Chapter: Knightly (YA)

It reads well and moves quickly. I like how Raschelle says she's a mutant, not a fairy princess. I would change this sentence - " I don’t like the idea of having to be rescued by a prince in the 21st century, they run straight to the tabloids, not to the rescue of an ugly girl in Nowheresville Engla...
by gganate
February 22nd, 2012, 1:14 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: Your top-10 all-time favourite books
Replies: 42
Views: 9661

Re: Your top-10 all-time favourite books

Dune by Frank Herbert Catch-22 by Joseph Heller The Road by Cormac McCarthy The Broom of the System by David Foster Wallace Ubik by Philip K. Dick Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick Underworld by Don Delillo Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut L...
by gganate
February 22nd, 2012, 1:02 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: SYNOPSIS: Redemption For Liars - EDITED
Replies: 5
Views: 4460

Re: SYNOPSIS: Redemption For Liars - EDITED

It's good writing, but like the first poster said, it's still much too long. My synopsis for my first novel is 672 words and I think it needs to be shortened. 500 words should probably be your goal. I think you need to take out some of the description and make it more bare-bones. It read like the ba...
by gganate
February 22nd, 2012, 12:57 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Page 1 of "I am Alone"
Replies: 9
Views: 5128

Re: Page 1 of "I am Alone"

This is a pretty tiny excerpt, but I like that you open up in media res, giving us action. I might draw out the description of the actual assassination, maybe give a little more detail as to the surroundings or delve into what the killer is thinking - why is this routine for him, does he ever get an...
by gganate
February 22nd, 2012, 9:18 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: Re: All time Favorite movies
Replies: 22
Views: 10418

Re: All time Favorite movies

Pulp Fiction - I love when a movie's dialogue is just good for its own sake, instead of serving to relentlessly advance the plot. So many iconic scenes, the music...sure, it might be copied and pasted from a dozen different sources, but Pulp Fiction is undeniably a great movie. Predator - the perfec...
by gganate
February 22nd, 2012, 9:10 am
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: What pays your rent?
Replies: 39
Views: 9638

Re: What pays your rent?

I work at my family's apple orchard, so right now, in February, my cash dwindling cash horde is paying the rent.
by gganate
February 22nd, 2012, 9:02 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The end result of reading way too much Hunter S. Thompson
Replies: 1
Views: 1809

Re: The end result of reading way too much Hunter S. Thompson

I like it, very much in his style. "Chardonney hair" is interesting, as is the mention of smelling a woman's pheromones.